الحَمْد لله

         “ delightfully rude, maybe. ” she shoots back, and there’s enough teasing in her tone to make it clear that she’s kidding. they don’t know each other, not really; definitely not well enough for her to be commenting on anything, and definitely not well enough for her to predict anything he might throw at her. it has her laughing a little too easily, or maybe that was the weed starting to loosen her up, working through her system slowly — either way, she’s smiling, never mind the fact that her next words are colored with disbelief.          “ let me get this straight, ” she begins, chair inching closer to the nightstand, “ you open with ‘ what do you want? ’ , no hi, no hey, no nothing — and then you ask me to roll you a joint. kind of a crazy way to talk to someone you apparently wanna go out with. what even is the success rate for those tactics? ” still, she’s pulling the bag closer, crumpling the paper a bit before beginning to roll. “ if this turns out bad, i don’t wanna hear it. ” she warns, playful, shooting him a look before focusing on the task at hand. “ not really much to say, though. i work at the mall, he works at the mall, we hit it off and thought we’d give each other a shot. you never really know who has it in them to just flip. i don’t look at someone and think they’re the kind to break my screen in three places, you know? ” it’s an oversimplification, but she figured it worked well enough — and she finishes up the joint, holds it up for inspection. “ what do we think? ”

"  --  but  delightful  nonetheless."  he  chuckled,  lightly,  not  at  all  worried  that  he  may  have  come  off  slightly  more  rude  than  he'd  intended.  it  was  a  common-place  consequence  of  directness,  which  is  what  he'd  preferred  to  call  it.  his  very  own  substitute  for  the  word  'rude'. another  chuckle  followed  shortly  after,  then  a  laugh  at  the  question.  her  words  a  string  of  witty  observations  that  --  when  put  together  --  did  make  him  come  off  an  awful  lot  like  a  prick.  or,  at  the  very  least,  a  moron.  "the  test  group's  awful  small."  he  began.  "all  of  one..."  he  looked  over,  amused.  "--  results...pending, would  you  say?"  adam's  never  been  the  one  to  fear  rejection.  in  his  experience,  rejection  usually  felt  better  than  a  missed  opportunity.  those  were  hard  to  get  over.  and  he'd  preferred  an  outright  'no'   to  beating  'round  the  bush,  acting  like  he  wasn't  interested. eyes  moved  to  the  joint,  following  her  warning, and he  shrugged.  "you'll  do  fine."  and  if  she  didn't  he'd  re-roll  it.  it  was  one  of  those  non-issue  issues. eventually,  killed  the  joint  that  was  already  being  passed  between  them,  and  focused  entirely  on  the  phone  at  hand.  listening,  intently.  he'd  always  been  better  at  'hearing'  things  when  his  hands  were  occupied.  even  in  class he'd  find  ways  to  fidget  around, and  draw  in  his  little  notepad;  anything  that  could  busy  his  hands  so  he  could  actually  pay  attention. still,  it  was  evident  he  was  listening,  obvious  in  the  smile  that  showed  --  once  again  --  the  amusement  he'd  found  in  the  simple  way  she  made  a  serious  story  sound  light,  and  the  furrow  of  his  brow  as  the  smile  faded  at  the  implication  she'd  been  dealing  with  someone  violent.  for  a  moment  he  didn't  know  what  to  say  really,  it  was  not  for  him  to  have  an  opinion  and  yet  --  it  felt  wrong  not  to offer  anything  as  well.  "i  could  send  him  an  invoice..."  he  looked  over  her  way,  serious  in  his  suggestion.  "--  for  the  repair.  actions  have  consequences,  don't  they?  i'll  charge  him  double  too.  no  doe  eye  discount  voucher  you've  rolled  in  with."  truly,  adam  was  a  bit  of  a  'guy'  when  it  came  to  his  services.  more  he  liked  the  company,  more  the  price  dropped. finally  his  eyes  diverted  to  the  'finished'  joint  and  his  nose  wrinkled  with  an  attempt  to  hold  in  a  laugh.  "been  a  while  since  i  smoked  a  crooked  one ain't  gonna  lie  --"  he  passed  the  lighter  anyway,  it  would  do.  "go  on. rollers rights."

"should we tell the others about this? i ain't so sure your brother would agree with you going out there without him but if too many of us go then we risk making a scene."

"no,  no  i  didn't  think  to  say  anything,  frankly  i'm  regretting  tellin'  you  now."  jordan  understood  that fear  manifested  in  different  ways.  perhaps  that  was  precisely  the  problem.  "the  lock  is  solid,  trust.  nobody's  getting  those  guns  without  the  key."  then  there  was  the  matter  of  skill.  the  matter  which  scared  them  more  than  staying  a  sitting  duck.  "right  now,  no  one's  got  the  guns.  once  we  do,  if  we  do,  they  can  take  'em  from  us.  one  wrong  move,  one  wrong  shot  --  well,  stupidity  has  always  been  the  easiest  way  to  die,  hasn't  it?"  they  sighed,  exhaustingly.  "you  ever  shot  a  rifle?  not  as  easy  as  it  seems  y'know?  shotgun?  even  fucking  worse." they  raised  their  hands  for  a  moment,  giving  in,  then  crossed  them  over  their  chest  as  eyes  followed  her  every  move.  "sounds  good.  but  that's  not  a  plan.  we  don't  know  what...or  who  or...how  many  we're  up  against.  we  don't  know  if  they're  watching,  if  they're  trained  if...if  they  got,  fuck,  we  don't  know  shit.  going  in  blind?  hoping  for  the  best?  you  saw  how  well  that  worked  out  for  janie."  this  was  supposed  to  be  a  relaxing  weekend,  a  place  to  unwind,  to  take  a  breather  from  the  big  city.  but  jordy  never  once  longed  for  the  city  more.  tasia  was  right,  this  was  a  shit  idea  from  the  start.  and  it  felt  all  the  more  haunting  knowing  it  was  their  family's  cabin,  it  was  their  brother  who  dragged  the  people  out  here. "no,  tas,  we  tell  no  one.  's  you  and  me,  our  decision.  our  fucked  up  plan."  their  brows  furrowed,  fingers  scratching  an  itch  at  their  temple.  "so  what  is  the  plan?"

she let the words settle for a second. “i’m not trying to save the world in one night. but i am tryna remind the folks who wanna see change that they’re not alone.” her smile widened. “so nah, i’m not about to just ‘accept’ it. you can stay here dismantling phones ⸻ i’ll be out here trying to dismantle the bullshit.”

his  mouth  fell  open  in  a  feigned  gasp.  "oh,  oh  i  see.  and  what  schedule's  that?"  his  own  grams  could  not  keep  him  in  check.  he'd  switched  days  and  nights  almost  a  decade  ago;  getting  lost  in  games  and  books  and  research.  he  found  that  his  mind  worked  better  that  way,  only  really  activating  once  the  clock  showed  nine  in  the  afternoon.  "dunno,  maybe  i  prefer  a  fishbowl  to  the  ocean.  don't  gotta  deal  with  the  currents  and  all  that  shit.  or  other  fish..." he  followed  along  with  her  words  when  an  unintentional  chuckle  escaped  him  and  he  looked  back  up  at  her.  "is  work  ever  done  though?"  he  asked,  knowing  full  well  that  a  girl  like  her  would  always  be  grinding  some  more.  no  rest  for  the  wicked.  "peace  out  of  purpose?  y'should  get  tat  on  a  t-shirt."  he  didn't  mean  to  tease.  it  was  just  so  wild  to  him,  to  meet  a  person  so  passionate  about  somethin'.  to  meet  a  person  with  a  real  purpose.  "you'll  burn  out,  y'know?  's  all  good  now,  but  eventually..."  he  lifted  up  her  phone,  a  sly  way  to  make  his  point.  "--  soon,  you'll  need  to  take  a  breather.  do  something  for  yourself." when  she  leaned  in,  he  paid  closer  attention.  and  when  she  finished,  he  leaned  right  back,  eyes  focused  on  hers  as  he  let  his  thoughts  settle.  "it's  like  i  said.  community."  that's  what  moved  people,  what  pulled  them  together.  but  they  were  no  longer  a  community.  "people  are  not  caught  up  by  their  sense  of  self,  they're  individualised  to  conform  to  the  most  lucrative  capitalist  narrative.  and  yeah  i  mean,  banding  enough  people  together  used  to  work  --  "  he  shrugged  now,  moving  away,  continuing  almost  absent-mindedly.  "before  we  became  global  citizens,  that  is,  now  everyone's  waiting  for  someone  else  to  do  shit  for  'em.  and  people  binding  together  results  in  a  fuck  load  of  nothing."  except  police  brutality  and  fines.  he'd  know. he  let  her  have  it  though,  in  the  end.  smile  dipping  into  his  cheeks  as  he  shrugged.  "alright  dr.  king,  you  do  you.  got  noble  intentions  's  for  sure."  the  kind  that  usually  got  people  shot,  historically  speaking.  "stay  careful  though.  i  mean  that."

"they are, for sure. but at times like this it can get a bit stressful. but it's fair, they're so far away in japan they can't make sure i'm alive and healthy unless i text them." it's only one text so sakura obliges to their requests. mumbling a thank you she quickly sends them a message informing them of her phone situation, sat herself upon the bed. "thank youuu. take your time, no rush." ah, she feels like an inconvenience but ... there's no other choice. after a few moments sakura becomes a little more curious about him. "so have you thought about what sorta company you'd like to work for after graduation?"

attempt  to  understand,  why  she'd  think  for  a  moment  he  hated  anybody  whatsoever  was  beyond  him.  "cheers."  he  smiled  back,  nodding  her  way  as  if  to  offer  some  reassurance.  "you're  nice  too,  's  cool."  usually,  adam  did  not  know  how  to  deal  with  nice.  politeness  bored  him,  naivety  bewildered  him,  perhaps  it  explained  why  he'd  always  ended  up  in  a  toxic  set  up.  toxic  friendships,  toxic  relationships.  "nah  i  should've  eaten  earlier."  he  responded,  pulling  apart  the  phone  delicately  to  examine  the  extent  of  damage.  "i  am  grateful  though,  seriously." he'd  not  known  what  parental  concern  must've  felt  like.  his  ma  messaged  once  or  twice  a  month  to  ask  him  for  money.  his  grandma  called  now  and  then,  to  check  in,  to  see  if  he'd  be  driving  over  to  look  after  his  lil  brother.  mostly  people  called,  visited,  talked  to  him;  when  they  needed  something.  at  times  he  felt  like  he  hardly  existed  outside  of  what  he  could  provide.  "you  miss  them?  your  parents?  japan?"  he  hardly  looked  up  as  he  asked,  trying  his  best  to  get  some  insight  into  her  life  as  he  cracked  on  with  fixing  the  phone.  adam  didn't  like  silence  all  that  much,  not  while  he  worked.  listening  helped  him  focus.  --  her  question  found  him  somewhat  lost.  "company?  no,  no  not  really.  whichever  offers  the  most  money  i  s'ppose."  he  felt  himself  a  bit  dry,  so  he  dug  deeper  for  more.  "i  uh,  i  think  i'd  like  to  retire  early,  y'know?  make  enough  money  to  buy  enough  time  for  things  i  actually  enjoy."  he  paused,  looked  over  at  her  before  resuming.  "you?  got  any  big  post-grad  plans?"

         she barks out a laugh, head shaking just the slightest bit as she steps into the room. “ and there it is. you know, your services had glowing reviews, but your bedside manner? could use some improvement, or at least that’s what i heard. guess they weren’t lying. ” she takes the proffered joint, swaps it with her phone, screen dim and cracked in three places with a tiny dent on the outer casing — and then she’s making herself at home, settling into the chair that’s tucked beside his desk. “ funny. i’ve got a complicated relationship with the big guy. don’t think he’ll appreciate me asking him to fix my phone after years of silence. ” she takes a hit, exhales slowly; and she shrugs once she speaks again, tone carefully casual. “ just some asshole i was seeing. you know how it goes. think you can fix it? ”

“dunno  what  you  talkin’  ‘bout.  i’m  delightful.”  eyes  softened  as  a  smile  etched  into  his  cheeks,  and  he  shifted  forward  while  she  made  herself  at  home.  adam  had  seen  her  around,  noticed  her  --  but  beside  a  casual  hello  and  a  fist  bump  there  was  not  much  there.  “big  guy  works  in  mysterious  ways  's  what  they  say.  doubt  he'd  mind  you  askin'  a  favour.  i  overheard  natalie  prayin'  her  nail  tech  ain't  taken  up  maternity  leave  jus'  yet so she could book in,  somethin'  'bout  cuticles  and...coffins?  dunno,  god  knows  i  guess.  but  if  she  can  ask  for  shit  like  that...i  mean...”  he  lifted  off  the  bed  with  a  soft  groan,  forgetting  instantly  the  topic  at  hand. he'd  proceeded  to  move  the  clothes  off  the  other  chair  and  onto  the  bed,  lowering  into  it  before  rolling  over  to  take  the  joint  out  of  her  hands.  he  took  a  hit,  gave  it  back  and  focused  once  again  on  the  cracked  up  phone.  “nah, all  i  know  is  that  these  assholes  do  wonders  for  my  business.”  a  joke.  sort  of.  then  he'd  wiped  his  glasses  clean  and  moved  toward  the  table  which had  now  served  as  both  a  study  area  and  a  work  station.  “uh,  i'll  have  to  open  it  up  to  be  sure.  gonna  take  a  minute."  he  paused, rubbing the nape of his neck.  "you  ain't  gotta  stay y'know  i  can,  uh,  come  find  you  when  i'm  done.”  eyes  flicked  her  way,  then  he  nodded  towards  the  bag  of  weed  and  rolling  papers  over  at  his  night  stand.  “or  you  can  roll  us  another  and  tell  me  'bout  this  asshole  so  i  can  pretend  to  be  a  better  guy  'fore  i  ask  you  out.”

when the ball was back in her court, she was blank-faced, trying to play off the fact that maybe she sometimes wondered what her life would be like had she finally let the dead weight ( aka bryson ) go. she was in fact being kept by minimal effort, because she dropped everything for him when he called or showed up, which is something her own parents would've given her a lecture about, or forced to her to transfer because. "sure, he has other girls he talks to in the locker room, but his facebook profile clearly says taken." it says taken but it doesn't specify who he's referring to as the S/O in his life. "i have a crush down the hall, but i never act on 'em because i'm faithful to my man... you and vee could clearly act on whatever this unspoken thing is between y'all, but you're being a pussy lil' bitch, sorry not sorry... look, me having thoughts about cheating on bryson is nowhere as good as you and vee finally hooking up, or at least going on a date." did she just confess that she had thoughts about cheating on him? so much for being loyal. circling back to the angela davis comment. "forget i said anything about that... and yes, i did just compare myself... is that a problem?"

"why  you  so  tough  on  me  man?"  it  would  have  been  funny,  except  imani  had  free  reign  over  judging  his  love  life  and  poor  decisions,  whereas  he  had  to  fear  decapitation  offering  even  a  speck  of  opinion  in  return.  adam  didn't  really  know  what  to  say,  he  was  nowhere  near  high  enough  to  be  getting  into  all  the  many  reasons  him  and  vee  were  a  bad  fucking  idea.  "i  wasn't."  but  he  was,  wondering  that  is,  and  it  felt  good  to  know.  so  good  he  could  hardly  contain  a  smirk  that  suddenly  fought  its  way  into  his  expression.  "i  ain't  askin'  her  out  'cause  she's  got  a  life  and  shit.  she's...out  there,  changing  the  world  or  whatever  and  i'm  just...shit,  i'm  just  some  dude  y'know?"  that  was  part  of  it,  maybe,  part  he  was  willing  to  share  anyway.  willing  to  accept.  "i  got  midterms  coming  up,  three  jobs...i'm  fuckin'  tired  as  fuck,  i  ain't  got  the  time  for  all  this  extra  foolin'  'round."  frankly  it  was  beyond  him  anyone  had  time  for  relationships.  best  he  could  do  was  a  quickie  and  a  sweet  lie. what  came  next  was  a  tsunami  of  information  he  was  not  entirely  ready  for.  so  he  took  another  toke  off  his  joint,  punched  at  the  tip  of  his  nose  before  looking  back  her  way.  "damn,  imma  need  a  second."  he  said,  taking  in  a  quiet  breath,  smoking  some  more.  "so  he  talks  up  other  girls,  but  's  cool  'cause  facebook  says  he's  got  a  girl?  no,  that's  --  that's  fine  an'  all  except,  ain't  nobody  below  fifty  on  facebook  no  more."  with  that  out  of  the  way,  he  had  to  address  the  more  pressing  matter.  "happy  people  don't  got  thoughts  'bout  other  people  'mani,  shit..."  this  man  had  her  fucked  up.  "not  like  that."  he  rubbed  the  back  of  his  neck,  nervously  again.  "crush  down  the  hall?"

"here you go," she'd mumble to herself. whenever sadé had something good going for herself, somebody tried to take it away. the role in the latest play? aisha got it over her just because she studied for it months in advance. the internship in new york? closed. which is exactly why her summer full-time gig at the smoothie shop nearby became her part-time gig. she was a beautiful woman with a lot of dreams, some larger than most and a bit unrealistic, but they were dreams. sadé couldn't clock tanya when she told her to pay attention as if she were a child, the same child she was being trying to defend a woman who wouldn't defend her and called her a kid to her face most of the time in front of sadé's sister. "that's a you problem," she said. "God, you can't be happy for me for once?" so maybe, maybe somewhere in sadé's rant, she was delusional to the fact that tanya had been trying to put the moves on her since they met; the way she'd always walk her back to their dorm, that one time she made her a playlist, maybe even the time she showed up at the smoothie shop to keep her company during her shift. "are you happy alone by choice? i mean, i'm sure you've blocked some loser on campus' attempt to ask you out about what, 30 times since freshman year? i mean, it's like you're saving your heart for some imaginary person..."

"happy  for  you?  for  once?  have  you  really  not  heard  a  word  of  what  i  just  said?  fuck,  you  are  the  most  self-absorbed,  stubborn,  blind,  asshole!"  tanyas  words  may  have  been  harsh,  harsher  than  usual.  she  was  hurt,  annoyed,  lashing  out.  but  it  pained  her,  severely,  that  sadé  thought  of  her  this  way.  that  she  saw  her  as  some  idiot  girl  who  couldn't  be  happy  for  her.  who  would  actively  try  to  get  in  the  way  of  her  happiness.  "of  course  i  am  alone  by  choice,  sadé.  do  you  see  how  fucking  good  my  life  is?  i  am  beautiful,  and  smart,  and  loyal.  i've  my  own  business,  i'm  at  the  top  of  my  class  and  i  am  going  to  become  a  senator  before  your  precious  jade...june,  jada  whatever  the  fuck  her  name  is,  moves  out  of  her  mama  house."  okay,  maybe  she  did  let  her  jealousy  show  there.  maybe  she  did  spend  a  few  hours  comparing  herself  to  the  most  unimpressive  woman  she'd  ever  fucking  heard  of.  but  who  didn't  have  a  bad  day  every  now  and  then?  and  stalk  their  crushes  significant  other  on  social  media  to  dig  up  dirt  and  feel  better  about  themselves?  she  was  only  human.  "i  am  waiting  for  some  imaginary  person.  someone  who  will  see  me,  who  will  add  good  things  to  my  life.  and  if  i  can't  have  that,  then  i  don't  want  anything  else."

"unless you're vee or my man, which you aren't, you shouldn't be checkin' me 'bout who i'm dealing with..." imani was seconds off his ass, ready to read him all the way down main street if he kept it up ⸻ calling her out. besides, imani was well aware of her boyfriend's cold exterior and how she tolerated the bare minimum... but somewhere else, deep down inside, she had received more in a week from another person than he was getting from him. "i would ask if you and vee are good, but because you fixed her phone... i guess y'all are." she spoke, rolling her eyes playfully as she finally decided to answer him. "i... don't know who i am when he's not around, okay? i mean, i'm just his girlfriend, the girl who wants to save lives, the one who speaks up like she's the next angela davis... but still, i just feel...unfulfilled... i mean, i don't wanna be chased but like... i wanna be recognized, seen, heard, valued... ever feel like that with vee?"

"alright,  withdraw  your  claws  tiger.  it's  not  that  deep,  for  real."  adam  meshed  well  with  explosive  personalities,  but  imani  was  more  unpredictable  than  most.  it  made  it  difficult  at  times,  to  adjust  on  the  go.  suddenly,  the  topic  shifted  to  vee  and  his  cheeks  burnt  just  slightly  at  the  thought  and  he  rubbed  the  back  of  his  neck  nervously.  he  never  explicitly  told  imani  he'd  liked  the  girl,  but  it  seemed  two  seconds  in  the  room  with  him  and  vee  was  enough  for  her  to  put  two  and  two  together.  "why  wouldn't  vee  and  i  be  good?  she  say  something?"  pathetic,  really,  that's  how  he'd  felt  posing  such  a  question.  like  a  kid  in  middle  school. it  was  fortunate,  that  imani  decided  to  shed  some  insight  into  her  actual  feelings,  because  he  could  finally  form  some  sort  of  understanding  regarding  this  entire  fucked-up  situation.  "you're  not  just  his  girl  'mani.  no  one  is  just  anything."  people  were  complex,  layered,  they  existed  outside  of  what  they  could  offer  others.  "you  seem...torn."  it  seemed,  from  where  he  stood,  there  was  a  disconnect;  between  what  she  wanted  and  what  she  needed.  and  it  was  not  on  him  to  sort  that  out  for  her.  "look,  you're  a  smart  girl,  and  things  will  work  out  fine,  but  --  if  there  is  a  part  of  you  expecting  or  like,  i  dunno,  hoping  for  him  to  change?  just  know  that  he  won't.  who  he  is  now  is  who  you  get.  if  he's  not  fulfilling  then,  well  he  ain't  gonna  wake  up  tomorrow  decidin'  you  deserve  better.  i  mean,  he's  already  keepin'  you  with  minimal  effort,  what  incentive  would  he  have  to  do  more?"  it  was  really  as  simple  as  that,  and  adam  had  not  meant  to  sound  preachy,  he  just  wanted  to  express  his  thoughts  freely.  because  he  knew  a  thing  or  two  about  men,  and  effort. "it's  different,  with  vee."  for  one,  him  and  vee  were  not  together.  fixing  her  phone  was  the  longest  they  ever  spent  together  alone,  in  a  single  room.  "she's  too  good  for  me,  y'know?"  and  he'd  not  wanted  for  vee  to  see  him,  not  really,  because  if  she  did  --  if  she  knew  him,  she'd  never  want  to  see  him  again.  "she's  a  crush  from  down  the  hall,  best  i  leave  it  at  that."  silence  filled  the  space  between  them,  and  after  some  time,  some  hits  off  his  joint,  his  brows  furrowed  and  he  nudged  her  gently  with  his  shoulder  as  a  laugh  left  his  lips.  "wait,  did  you  actually  compare  yourself  to  angela  davis?"

while sadé couldn't believe her best friend was trippin' over what seemed like nothing, the drama major was a better actress around her loved ones than she was on stage. "she technically didn't treat me like shit," she said with a pointed finger, trying to defend her recent tinder date with one of her older sister's friends, a bartender she crushed on for two years. "she's not that bad, you haven't hung out with jada long enough to know her. she's cute, ten years my senior... but she could pass for twenty-five at the club. bull-headed taurus, BUT, she gets me in ways that girls our age don't." looks like tanya wasn't included in that category, because by the route of this conversation, sadé unintentionally stated that her friend would never have a chance with her ⸻ which she never verbally stated. delusional much? yes. she was in love with the idea of love, or being loved by someone who had healed her unmet needs from her estranged mother, in a sense. she longed for that in different faces, and got the same outcome every single time. "and besides, i like the way she makes me feel... you're acting like an abused housewife, being all jealous and shit... just 'cause you're single doesn't give you a right to pick on my relationship." situationship, if we're going to put a title on it.

"right,  yeah  okay."  tanya  wasn't  going  to  argue  any  further.  sadé  was  right  in  a  way,  she  didn't  know  jada.  but  she  knew  her  friend  deserved  better,  and  she  knew  that  a  part  of  the  reason  she'd  resented  this  whole  situation  was  that  she  did  not  get  in  the  line  first.  she'd  spent  a  good  few  months  trying  to  work  out  a  way  to  ask  sadé  out,  though  she  never  quite  got  the  courage.  it  seemed  that  was  for  the  best,  because  now  the  girl  she'd  admired  and  observed  through  rose-coloured  glasses  was  pretty  much  saying  she'd  never  had  the  chance  to  begin  with.  not  only  that,  she'd  compared  her  to  an  abused  housewife  which  -  apart  from  being  insensitive  -  was  just  simply  untrue.  "you  know,  you  say  that  like  there's  anything  to  be  jealous  of.  some  of  us,  and  you  might  find  this  surprising  so  pay  attention  --"  she  leaned  in,  expression  as  serious  as  can  get.  "do  not  see  relationships  as  some  ultimate  fulfilling  goal.  some  of  us  are  happier  alone.  shocker,  i  know.  but,  i  mean,  i'm  not fossilised  so --  what  do  i  know?"

imani took the joint from adam's fingers, placing it against her lips as she grabbed the lighter ⸻ sparkin' up before taking a long drag... with the smoke finally escaping her lips, she'd roll her eyes in his direction. "bryson's not terrible," she'd reply. "broken? yes. emotionally unavailable? sorta. but he's my mess, i love him..." she didn't love him, she was scared of life outside of him. he didn't value her, and everyone clearly saw that. "why are you so concerned?"

"two  things  can  be  true  at  once."  he  replied  simply  and  left  it  at  that.  "sometime  explanation's  not  a  justification,  like...we  can  understand  why  someone  would  do  some  shit,  it  don't  mean  we  gotta  accept  it."  adam  knew  what  it  was  like,  to  be  broken,  to  hurt  people  unintentionally.  it  fucked  him  up  a  bit,  to  think  he  might've  been  somebody's  bryson.  it's  why  he  kept  out  of  the  dating  scene,  why  he  ain't  asked  vee  for  her  number,  why  he  would  not  even  try.  --  joint  returned  to  his  hands  just  at  the  right  time,  and  he  smiled  at  the  question.  "i  ain't  concerned.  just  don't  like  how  he  treat  you  is  all.  but  if  you  say  you're  good  then...i  guess  you're  good."  he  rubbed  at  the  nape  of  his  neck,  nervously.  "are  you?  good?"

"it's not what you are thinking!" his voice spanned from exalted to dejected. finding his hands incredibly interesting, oliver did everything possible to avoid looking at her. he knew the moment their eyes met he would start talking faster than a child on a sugar-free diet when bribed with a cookie. it wasn't what tanya was imagining, although he couldn't blame her for it. it did look that way. "i don't even find them hot," he mumbled under his breath, stubbornly refusing to look at her. but the moment her hand found his and he looked up only to meet her beautiful eyes, he was gone. "he — ah. he is not happy. about me. and the football team."

"boy  i  can't  hear  you."  she  responded,  having  heard  just  fine  the  matter  he'd  uttered  to  himself.  as  if  she  wasn't  present  and  ready  to  walk  out  the  door  and  rip  that  asshole  a  new  one.  tanya  did  not  date,  well,  it  wasn't  an  active  choice  so  much  as  ridiculously  high  standards  no  living  person  could  possibly  meet  --  and  still,  she  had  more  than her  fair  share  of  relationship  drama  through  plain ol'  osmosis.  sometimes  she  could  not  sleep  at  night,  worrying  'bout what  some  dick  or  the  other  might  be  up  to.  this  was  no  different.  "okay."  she  waited  for  the  rest  to  come,  and  when  it  did  not she  just  shrugged,  forming  assumptions  on  crumbs.  "right  so,  he's  jealous.  thinks  you'll  drool  over  some  sweaty  ass  dude  in  the  shower?  that  it?"  eye  roll  was  instinctive,  she  wanted  to  scream.  "tell  me  love,  which  do  you  think  is  more  concerning?  his  insecurity?  or  the  lack  of  trust?"

"must you be so aggressive?" imani took a step back as she fought back what would've been an outburst of few choice words, rather disrespectful. "he's my boyfriend, tanya. bryson's a dick to everyone, but i love him and i see the good in him." imani was used to her friends ranting to her about bryson's toxicity, let alone his manipulative personality and narcissistic traits ⸻ but she did, in fact, love him. "you don't see me checkin' you about which guys or girls you go with, do you? NO! so why the hell are you so worried about how he treats me? i'm okay!" she wasn't okay; bryson had imani on a hamster wheel, and she accepted the breadcrumbs he gave her because being with him was better than being alone, or entertaining someone new. "i get you're trying to be a friend, but i'm nothing like those other girls... so don't act a damn fool trying to make me out to be one of them."

"oh  honey,  you  have  seen  nothing  yet."  she  said  calmly,  almost  too  calmly.  being  disrespected  was  one  thing,  but  watching  a  friend  be  disrespected  and  putting  up  with  it?  another  thing  entirely.  she  could  not  hack  it,  not  really,  tanya  was  not  a  girl  of  patience  --  and  bryson?  well,  he  was  full-on  vacationing  on  her  last  nerve.  "why  am  i  worried?  are  you  fucking  serious?"  she'd  calmed  down  now,  leaned  over  the  arm  chair  of  the  shitty  sofa,  crossed  her  legs,  stared  down  the  other  as  if  she  were  the  only  person  in  the  world.  the  only  person  who  mattered.  "i'm  going  to  sound  patronising  as  fuck  right  now  but,  bare  with  me  here  --"  she  cleared  her  throat,  fixed  her  posture. "sometimes  when  we're  in  love  we  do  not  see  things  straight.  you  know?  it's  like...like  eyebrow  blindness.  remember  when  I  used  to  pluck  'em  to  oblivion?  and  you  told  me  that  shit  looked  bad?  you  could  have  enabled  me,  easily,  you  could  have  told  me  it  looked  fire  and  let  me  walk  'round  the  world  lookin'  like  humpty  dumpty  or  whatever.  but  you  didn't.  and  i'm  not  about  to  sit  back  either  as  i  watch  this  man  downright  fuck  with  you.  i  won't  do  it,  i'm  not  that  kind  of  friend."  having  said  that,  she  would  stick  by  her  no  matter  what.  because  she  was  that  kind  of  friend.  "you're  a  grown  woman.  you  can  do  what  you  want.  but  those  girls,  you're  talking  down  on?  they  were  no  fools  either,  no  honey."

"no, there might not be five of those sick freaks out there but i'm betting they could take all five of us down. hell, we've already seen what that freak is capable of." tasia knew that jordan was right though, the saying had always been safety in numbers. given the situation though, she didn't feel one ounce of safety currently. "please don't tell me that it's going to fine when it ain't." placing herself on the couch, head resting in her hands, she took a few deep breaths. this was so fucked-up. the type of thing that only happens in horror movies was now happening to them in real life. "so, what happens if tomas gets the radio working, we call for help. it will take them a while to get here because we are in the fucking middle of nowhere!" raising her voice with her last few words, quickly regretting it when she heard a thud coming from outside. "well, now i've pissed them off. we should really barricade that door and the windows if our plan is to stay here and wait to die." it was dramatic but she hated when she didn't get what she wanted and right now, all she wanted was to run.

"alright  look  --"  they  leaned  in,  dropping  their  voice  down  as  if  it  made  any  difference  in  the  grand  scheme  of  things.  "y'know  that  part  in  a  horror  movie  where  the  audience  is  like  'shit  don't  fucking  do  that  you  stupid  cunt'  like,  like  when  a  bitch  is  running  up  the  stairs  'stead  of  out  the  door  or  whatever?  well  i'mma  be  the  moron  right  now  because  i  should  not  be  telling  you  this...not  you,  not  any  of  you,  'cause  it's  fucking  crazy  and  it's  gonna  end  real  fuckin'  bad."  they  paused  for  a  moment,  looking  over  their  shoulder  as  if  to  ensure  no  one  could  overhear.  "there's  guns  --  at  the  shed  out  back.  earlier  when  i...when  i  said  uncle  kyle  used  it  to  store  kayaks...i  mean,  i-it  wasn't  a  lie  there's  some  kayaks  in  there  but...dude  was  a  fucking  enthusiast  when  it  came  to  shootin'  down  deer.  i  mean  --"  their  eyes  widened  following  along  with  their  own  story,  voice  dancing  between  loud  and  quiet  octaves.  "the  whole  damn  cabin  still  reeks  of  game,  it  can't  just  be  them  two  dickheads  bumpin'  uglies,  if  you  catch  my  drift."  they  didn't  want  the  guns.  didn't  want  one  of  these  idiots  shooting  off  someones  limbs  'cause  they  got  momentarily  startled.  everything  inside  them  was  screaming  to  keep  those  guns  locked  away.  but  tasia  was  right,  they  had  no  clue  what  they  were  up  against.  maybe  it  was  time  to  snap  out  if  it,  to  come  up  with  some  semblance  of  a  plan.  "so  yeah  we  uh,  we  can  barricade  ourselves  in  and  hope  tomas  gets  the  radio  going  and  the help  arrives  in  time,  or...we  can,  uh,  we  can  try  and  get  those  guns."  slowly,  they  reached  for  the  chain  around  their  neck  which  had  been  tucked  away  beneath  their  hoodie,  and  bring  forth  a  key.  the  only  key.  "so? what's  it  gon'  be?"

"don't  do  that  --"  he  dismissed  the  notion  entirely,  and  while  he  was  no  relationship expert,  it  seemed  his  thoughts  were  already  evident;  plastered  across  his  face.  "you  ain't  dumb.  dude's  dumb.  so, uh  the  question  is..."  he  offered  out  a  joint,  brows  knitting.  "why  you  stayin'  with  someone  like  that?"

they were locked in this cabin, not by choice but by whoever it was that had taken their friend. they didn't know if they were dead but tasia was almost certain of it. you don't lose that much blood and survive. "god, i didn't even want to come here in the first place. i knew an isolated cabin in the middle of nowhere was a bad idea." glancing around the room, noticing a gap in one of the curtains, running to close it. it wasn't like locked doors, windows and few closed curtains would keep whoever was out there out. if they wanted to get in, they would do. footsteps sounded on the floorboards as she began to pace. a glance up as the light bulb flickered. dread filling her insides. "i'm not sitting around and waiting for someone to save me. we need to get out of here and run."

jordan  only  came  along  to  appease  their  brother.  after  the  shit  they  pulled  last  summer,  it  was  the  least  they  could  do  to  garner  some  good  karma.  but  one  storm  and  one  pool  of  blood  later,  it  seemed  they  were  collectively  shit  out  of  luck.  jordy  noticed  tasia  was  not  in  the  living  room,  and  while  they  were  not  usually  quick  to  worry  these  could  sure  be  classified  as  unique  fuckin'  circumstances.  "and  where  you  gonna  run,  huh?"  there  had  been  nothing  out  there  but  woods  for  miles.  and  although  jordan  knew  a  thing  or  two  about  camping,  they  were  by  no  means  an  expert.  getting  lost  out  there  was  a  death  sentence  in  its  own  right.  "shit's  fucked  right  now,  it  is  but  --  we're  safer  in  here  than  we  are  out  there.  there's  si-five  of  us  and...well  there  sure  as  shit  ain't  five  o' them."  they  stepped  closer  to  her  now,  eyes  filled  with  a  fools  amount  of  hope.  "tomas  will  get  the  radio  working,  you  know  the  guy's  a  genius.  we'll  call  for  hep,  it's  all...shit  i  dunno...'s gonna be fine..."