Dead wife montage but it's all slow motion shots of your dead wife throwing grenades and doing backflips and oneshotting the enemy with their long range weapons

one day i will crack my back in a way that will solve all my life problems

what if you had a cunty little bob and a fun knife collection and then your best friend died and you bring him back inside your head and somehow you become a mother and a father and a sister at once to a child who MIGHT be two of your dead friends and then you become nonbinary and find out that child is actually the soul of the earth. happened to my good friend paul.

fuck it why not

Oat milk was discovered much more recently than you may have known. Like many now-familiar technologies, it was found by accident during the Apollo program when NASA learned what a zero-g environment does to goat milk.

bro said he was beleaguered i was like well look what has beset you

there’s nothing that can’t be fixed by eating your bodyweight in sushi

I don't remember finding fart jokes particularly funny even when I was a child.

Five year old me, watching a movie with fart jokes: "Oh, how gauche. They're pandering to the lowest common denominator."

She cannot be stopped from doing it

That is shockingly close to how it goes.