Dark Sunrise

The beds are made, and the carpets vacuumed. The room is as clean as it should be, but the air tastes stale. You can feel the hundreds of other people who have stayed in this room as it was meant to be.

A couple enters the room. Mr. and Mrs. Robinson. Mrs. Robinson can only be described as lavish, while Mr. Robinson is a simpler man. He wore what any other man on the street would be seen with, while Mrs. Robinson dressed as though she was a goddess walking amongst mortals. She entered the hotel room with Mr. Robinson shortly thereafter.

“Logan, will you finally tell me why we are at this disgusting hotel,” asked Mrs. Robinson.

“Anabelle, I really don’t care whether or not if you are comfortable anymore.” Mr. Robinson headed straight for the back door of the room. His attention never strayed from the door. His stride is heavy. The phone on the night stand shook with each step. He threw the sliding door open and sat at the table. The patio is small with high fences and a small table with a few chairs placed around it.

Mrs. Robinson stood in the middle of the room, as if she had just been told her own time of death. She slowly walked through the sliding door and sat across from Mr. Robinson. There was only silence.

“Logan this is not like you. Why are you talking like this? Why are we at this hotel?” Mrs. Robinson started to sit up in her chair, and she adjusted her blouse and fixed her hair. Mr. Robinson is silent. His head hangs low with his clasped together and resting against his forehead. He takes in long breathes as he lifts up his head.

“No Anabelle, this is simply a side of me that you have never had to see before. And to think that Clair tried to warn me. I owe her a drink after all of this. And we are hear at this hotel so that or children would not have to experience this first hand.” Mr. Robinson motioned all around him with his hand. “I know Mrs. Robinson.” Mr. Robinson let his voice become elevated.

Mrs. Robinson was taken back. Her eyes widened as her palms began to sweat.

“Logan, I don’t know what you are talking ab-”

“Don’t bullshit me Mrs. Robinson. I know what you have done, or should I say who you have done. All these years I have provided for you. I have loved you with all of me. And her you have been going around my back to have some kind of fling. You neglected our children. You betrayed them, and what have they done to deserve this? What have I done to deserve this shit?” Mr. Robinson was red. His voice escalated to the point of a yell. He adjusted his position in his chair. He looked up to the sky an took a moment. “Well if this is what you truly want, fine. I don’t want to see you around my children again. Oh, and you can explain to them why you will never see them again. I will give you some money, and some time to collect your things from the house. But if I was you, I wouldn’t push me. I think I have had it with you.” Mr. Robinson slouched in his chair. He began to unbutton his sleeves and roll them up to his elbows. He loosened his tie and fixed his hair. He began to stand up from his chair. “Do you have anything to say before I go?”

“P-Please I’m sorry. I will never leave your side. I will never be rude or bother you again I promise.” Mrs. Robinson had tears in eyes. She was shaking like a dying leaf. Her mascara bleed down her cheeks.

A forgotten guardian sits in the breeze of a winter evening. She sits at the edge of the tree line and an open field. The moon light was enough to illuminate the fields for the evening. The forgotten guardian looks down to her pups as they lay at her feet. Five pups wait for their mothers next move. But she just sits and waits as the breeze passes through her fur. There are no other creatures as her in sight. She looks down on her five pups then back to the night sky. There are several houses that are past the field. Light glimmers through the window with silhouettes of the destroyers. Their fields are filled with bloated bovine. Their heads hang low as they slowly eat more and more. They have holes pierced through their ears with the symbols of the destroyers. The forgotten guardian’s breathe began to quicken. Her breathe forming small clouds around her snout. Her pups brush against her front paws. They whimper as they see their mother becomes uneasy. The forgotten guardian steadies her breathing.

           The moon rises as the night drifts on. The forgotten guardian watches over all parts of the land that is in front of her. Her pups are now in a row in front of her. There are few differences between the five of them, except that the pup in the middle is slightly bigger than the other four. Their fur was similar in texture and length, but the colors are different. The alpha in the middle has a light green heugh like their mother. The remaining four pups (from left to right) have red fur, black fur, white fur, and black fur with a faint glow to their fur. The alpha’s fur does not have this glow to his fur. The pups’ physical stature resembles their mother’s. They all have short teeth. Their paws are smaller for an animal their size, but their claws are noticeably long.

           The pack lifts their heads and close their eyes as the breeze turns into a gust. A howl only loud enough to be heard by the pack is let out into the night air. The forgotten guardian lowers her head, so she could nudge the heads of her pups. The pups stretch out their necks to ensure that they feel their mother’s snout.

           The forgotten guardian stands up on all four and begins to stretch. She leans her head towards the ground with her tail in the air then she transitions to have her head in the air with her tail to the ground. Her fur begins to glow. As if the moonlight is reflecting off of her. She darts through the field, making little noise, and headed straight for the destroyer’s homes.

           The only thing that makes me feel remotely happy anymore is the rainfall. The cool breeze and the dark clouds are refreshing. They make me feel like I’m alive again. But the rain never lasts forever. No matter how much I beg for it to stay the rainclouds just float away to help someone else. Oh well, might as well get the door.

           There was a package, which seems odd. I didn’t hear any delivery trucks drive up the street. This box makes me want to cry. I haven’t even opened it, and I feel like dying at the site of it. It is as plain as a box could be, no bigger than a ring box. Oh well, might as well go back to the couch.

           I’ve sat here for hours crying to myself with this box, and I haven’t even opened the damn thing yet. It smells so nice, and it makes me feel so nostalgic. I’m not sure if I hate it, or if I am grateful. Oh well, might as well open it.

           Wait. There is someone coming up the porch. How do they have a key? How could it be her?

           “Hey Clem, how’s it going?” she is just standing in the middle of the living room as she always did. How can she be this cool about all of this? I can feel tears building up in my eyes. The look on Lena’s face was the same as when I would cry. Like she was at the least happy to see me express myself around her. Lena is pulling me into her arms. I just collapsed as I always had.

           “How could you ask me that after all of this Lena? How could you come back after what you put me through? I’ve been living in my own personal hell without you. So how do you think I’m doing?” I can feel her tears drip down onto my shirt. She is pulling me closer. She is trembling with every breath. Neither of us could keep it together. Just as we always did.

           We’ve been sitting on this couch just holding each other close. Remembering the life we shared. I’m not sure how I should feel though. I know at some point this has to end, but I’m so grateful for the time I have. How do I go on after this?

           “Just remember me for the life we shared. Instead of the life after that. I’m sorry that I left you here on your own. But you know why I had to leave, don’t you?” She is looking at me with apologetic eyes.

           “I know why you have to help other. I just wished you had stuck around… that you had just helped me one more time.” Lena looked at me with a face of contemplation.

           “Well if you look at it with a glass half full, I helped you out one more time. But I promise you I wish I could be here to help you more. Oh well, I might as well get going. I love you, Clementine. Please don’t ever forget that.”

           “I Love you too, Lena. Don’t worry I will see you soon, right?”

           “Of course, Clem.”

           And like that she is gone. My home feels empty again, but at least I had that time with Lena. The little box was still on the coffee table.  

My feet are bleeding. I’m not sure if I hated it more when my blisters were still around or not. On one hand the blisters hurt immensely with each step I took, but at least my socks were dry. And on the other hand, it is a bit easier to walk without the bumps on my feet, but because the blood dried onto my socks and feet that means that with each step the skin from my feet gets torn off. And more blood begins to pool in my shoes. Well it could always be worse, right? Who the hell am I kidding? This is the worst it could possibly be.

           I’ve been walking along this desert road for what feels like a horrid life time, but to be honest it probably has only been at most a couple of weeks. I felt like when I was leaving town there were so many cars heading down this road. It has been four days since I saw a vehicle. The worst part about it is, when they drove by me, I could see them looking at me. But they just kept on driving. The bastards. I know right now I may seem a bit hostile towards those people, but if they had given me a ride, I would have thanked them as if they were God incarnate. But God would have stopped and given me a ride, right? Sure, he would have.

           I would crawl through a field of glass and mines if I was guaranteed a fifty-gallon jug of water at the end of it. It hasn’t been more than a day that I haven’t had water. And I think I can see some rain clouds forming on the horizon. Hopefully it won’t come to me trying to collect rain water. But I know that I can’t last very long without water, and my throat is just so dry. The days are hot and dry, and I don’t want a breeze. When the wind picks up it is warm and filled with sand. Maybe that rain will come and weigh the sand down.

           Where did everyone go? Why does no one give a damn about me out here? It wasn’t my fault that I’m out in this desert. I’ve heard people constantly talk about how much they would be willing to help those in need. Hypocrites the lot of them. Wait a minute. Is that the sweet sound of an engine? Holy mother of God in heaven it is. She actually stopped. She stopped for me. She is driving a nice white four seat truck, and the bed is massive. She didn’t even say anything to me. She just pointed to the bed. Oh, thank God.

           I almost broke my neck getting into the back of that truck. I finally was able to get my shoes off and let my feet heal. After all of this I will have to get rid of pretty much all of the clothes that I am wearing, but especially the bloody socks and shoes. I will already have the horrible memories and the scars on my feet as mementos from this horrendous experience. This desert looks completely different from the back of this truck, I still despise it, but it looks more impressive and kind of beautiful from back here.

When she picked me up the sun was starting to set. Now the stars are out, and the air is chilled. When I was walking on my own, I never realized how beautiful the stars looked. For once I think I can finally make it out of this. I’m starting to fall asleep in this bed. I can finally get some rest.

I can’t believe she is still driving. I must have been out for at least a couple of hours. The night sky is clear, and the sun must be coming soon. When I looked into the cabin our eyes met through the rearview mirror. Even though the glass separates us I’m just glad to be another person. I can’t remember the last time someone let me get this close.

Why do I keep fighting?

When I so clearly should have died long ago?

I have so many open wounds.

So many irreversible gashes across my face

I can feel the blood pooling in my skull,

But I keep getting back up.

What part of me keeps doing this?

Is it my brain,

Or is it my body that keeps standing back up.

At one point I thought that I was feeling the cool breeze of the finale,

But it was just my drowning brain playing a joke on itself.

How does my heart keep persevering after all of this?

It has been punctured

Beaten

Torn apart

But even with all this horrendous pain

I find myself chuckling

The point that drives my very being

Is the cause of all my pain.

You stand over me with that great rock as you bash my skull in

But I keep standing

Knowing full well that my time has long since passed

You keep striking me

And I keep standing

Even though I know full well

That you are happy

It just pains me to know that I am not the source of your happiness

Knowing that the source of your drive

Is not me

And truly it is my fault.

I am the fool with the caved in skull and broken ribs

Who still wishes to love you.

Who still wishes to believe that this worthless broken spirit

Can still find love.

But, how can I?

When the perfect woman stands right above me.

Not knowing what she did

All that time ago.

Maybe someday I my body will finally collapse

And someone else stands in your place,

But for now

I will gladly be the fool with the caved in skull and broken ribs

I was born a corpse

A simple nothing that was only meant to be food for the worms and maggots

I was born this way

With not even a tombstone to mark where I lay

And I believed it

They told me that I was nothing

Just a corpse

I was born that way

And I believed them

Like a foolish corpse I believed them

Until I heard a whisper

A Constant Whisper

It spoke the truth into my lonely corpse

This little constant whisper

My bones connected in their joints

My tendons and muscles entwined into place

My skin layer across my body to hold myself together

My eyes saw the world and my true self for the first time

Believe when I say that I have not fully formed into a living breathing human

I still lay here a corpse

But I can feel my will to move

I want to finally stand

To see the world

To see the human I truly am

And all because of this

Constant whisper

I want to crawl

I want to run

I want to be me

For this constant whisper

Simply because it believed in me

Told me that I was a human

That I was more than just the lifeless body that people told me I was

And the lifeless body that I believed myself to be

The only thing in this world that hasn’t abandoned this lowly

Kayleigh do you remember when we first met? It was surprisingly two years ago back at Brennan. I was just a junior and you were a senior. We shared only one class. Pre-cal.

It was the first day and I was at the point of not caring anymore about the people around me anymore. I had already gone through two years of a shit high school with shitty people so I wasn’t expecting anything, but I hadn’t met you yet.

I sat in the front row all the way on the far side of the classroom. So I was still in a corner, which is what I usually tried to do for my classes(especially because it was a class meant for seniors). But I kept my head down, did my work, and stared out the window.

Our teacher was new to the school so he was a bit nervous, and he didn’t know what to expect from his first period class. Mr. Angiano was his name probably spelled differently, but he was a good teacher. So he tried to test the water of our class by having us write out rules that we all had to follow including rules for Mr. A to follow. He set up five groups of five and we were put into the same group. I honestly barely remember you being there, and I barely remember talking. So we just went on with our lives.

Up until a week later when our work load started to pick up for the year. I was just sitting at my desk blasting through the homework assigned for the day. And you came up behind me and taped my shoulder. I turned around ready to be pissed off by someone asking me bullshit questions or outright just asking me to do their work for them. But you were different. Your words were so gentle and soft. You had light brown hair that went down just past your shoulders. You were average height with and about average build. You were wearing a dress that was simple, but still adorable. You asked me if I knew how to do the work that was given, and I was able to confidently say that I could. You sat in the empty seat behind me, and actually paid attention to me so you could do it on your own. You wanted to be independent, but you knew when you needed help. So you left and I went back to work.

The next day you approached me in the same manner as before. But this time you asked me if you could sit behind me. I was a little confused, because there was a couple of open seats you could have picked. But you wanted to sit behind me. So I went ahead and asked why behind me? And you said,

“Well you were nice to me, and you seemed more mature than the other people I had to sit around. Plus you seem pretty smart so that is an added bonus.”

I don’t know what made me be so open to you. Maybe because I also had to sit next to someone who I found annoying and immature that I wanted someone else around. Or maybe you just got to me with those few words. You yourself was one of the nicest people I have ever met, and you humor and delivery were so quirky. You were just so very different from everyone else at Brennan. I looked up at you, because I was sitting and you standing, and started one of our inside jokes,

“Oh so you just want me to do your work for you? Don’t worry I got you.”

I could see for a split second you thought I was serious, but then you realized my joke and showed me one of the greatest smiles I have ever seen in my life. And our lives went on as simply friends. And we slowly started to get to know each other, and in all honesty I genuinely started to fall for you.

You were as big of a nerd as me. You loved Star Wars, Lord Of The Rings, Harry Potter, classic musicals, and retro arcade games. But you also loved to bake, and learn, and love. I remember your dream was to be an English teacher. I had so much respect for who you were. And I still remember the moment I actually fell in love with you. So almost every year I will have a bout of pneumonia, and I started to feel it come along so my mother pulled a preemptive strike. And I ended up staying home Thursday and Friday. Over the weekend I was able to beat out my yearly sickness and came back Monday. I walked into class a little bit later than usual, but still before the bell rang. As I walked in I saw you putting your bag down and you must have seen out of the corner of your eye, because your head shot up to look at me. And I was taken back a bit as you ran up to me. And you were so upset, and frustrated, and concerned as you as you exclaimed,

“Are you okay? Where were you? Are you feeling better? Why didn’t you tell me? What is wrong with you?... I missed you!... I was worried about you!”

No one at that god forsaken school had ever cared if I was dead or alive. But you, a person I had known for two months, cared so much. I should have asked you out on the spot. But obviously I didn’t and that has become one of my greatest regrets of my life. So I told my situation but for some reason you were still upset that I didn’t tell you. And just for safe measure you gave me your number just in case. Then it was over. I was in love with you Kayleigh.

But you had a boyfriend so I never bothered asking you out, regret, but I did not suppress my feeling. I remember not doing my work and turning around to “check” on your work. In reality I just wanted to talk to you. Who knows maybe you could tell how I felt and I was stupid, but I damn sure looked foolish sometimes. And one day when class was over I walked out of class and noticed that we walked the same way to our classes and we made eye contact. So the next day you asked if I wanted to walk to class together. So everyday I would walk you all the way to your class door even if it meant I was late for class. We use to walk so closely together, and when the hall were too packed or people were too rude I would plow through the masses and you would hold onto my backpack to make sure you got through with no problem.

Then one day the other guy who sat with us was running his mouth like crazy as usual, but he started talking about a teacher you and I both knew and liked. He was talking about how hot she was, and about how everyone just wanted to fuck her. And in that moment with very little thought I turned around and yelled,

“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PERVERT!”

The whole class went silent as he tried to bullshit his way out of his predicament. And out of the corner of my eye I saw a small smile manifest itself. I was really worried you wouldn’t have approved of my profanity, even though I tried to avoid its use around you it was still ingrained in my vocabulary, so I was able to settle myself. As I walked you to class you stopped,

“Hey Jonas I just wanted to thank you for what you said back there. I didn’t know how to tell him to stop talking. It was disgusting to listen to. And it’s just that I want to be an English teacher someday, and I want to be respected with the same level of respect you showed today. Cursing included.”

My heart soared.

I remember we kept talking about how we always wanted to have a movie night together. You wanted to get all of our favorite classic movies and musicals. But that never happened. A lot of what we promised never happened. We promised that we would never lose touch with each other. It’s been a year and a half since we last talked. I’ve tried to make contact with you, but it didn’t work. And I’ve tried to forget you, but that hasn’t worked either.

Listen Kayleigh my life has never been very easy. And I just went through a terrible experience with i girl I didn’t even love. I haven’t loved a girl like you in a long time. And if I ever want to move on and love a new girl I have to ask you a favor.

Kayleigh can you please stop haunting my dreams. I have had two dreams so far were you appear out of nowhere.

The first one I’m in a villa with my family. We are all enjoying a party, but I decided to step away from the party. And all I feel is someone hug tackle me. As I looked down I saw your face crying saying you missed me. I tried to tell you to talk to me. You just had to come to me, to be with me and we both would be happy. But you said you could never come back to me and when I asked you why. You just said you could not tell my why. Then I woke up. Crying. The second dream was different, but I don’t remember it clearly. All I remember being the same was seeing you, what you and I said, and me waking up with tears running down my cheeks.

Kayleigh after what happened with Gladis I know what I want from a relationship. I know what I want from a partner. I know the life I would want to live. And all I want is you. So please either leave my dreams alone so I can move on or talk to me some how so I can at least give myself the chance to ask you out. I doubt you will every read this, but it would be nice.