Stormie Conn

The past few months have felt like my feet have been dangling Off the edge of a chair like a little kid trying to find the floor With the tip of my toes, trying to grasp something just out of reach. I’ve been blowing out the candles on other peoples birthday cakes, Wishing to be anyone other than who I actually am. I’m walking miles in another persons shoes Gaining nothing but blisters on the back of my ankles. Playing dress up in all of my sisters clothes, Wishing to appear more put together than I actually am. I apply my lipstick like a masquerade mask, Insisting no one can see the pain if I paint on a smile. I’ve considered getting contacts so I can see the world From a better point of view. i’ve been sketching myself into false realities As a distraction from the one I’m living in. I started driving home without my seatbelt on, Started crying to songs I once danced to. Wishing on street lights, Tossing all my change into fountains And holding my breath across every bridge. I changed all my clocks to 11:11 and convinced myself That if I wished hard enough I could fix all of my problems Without getting my hands dirty and my heart messy. When people ask me how I am I wonder if they realize They are speaking to a hollowed out shell of a girl they once knew. That there is nothing left of what used to be.

I know we have to move on but I can’t help But feel like our story isn’t finished yet. So tonight let’s share one last dance. For everything we’ve been through. For the tears and the mistrust. The heartache and the mistakes. Because the truth is, I still don’t want to dance Unless it’s with you.

THE SOUND OF CHURCH BELLS / CAR ALARMS / BROKEN GLASS / RED BEANIES / ANY WHITE GUY WITH A BEARD / HOT CHOCOLATE / PINKY PROMISES / BREAKING THEM / THE SMELL OF AUTUMN / A BROKEN CLOCK / RED FLANNELS / THE SOUND OF A KEY AGAINST A CAR DOOR / EMPTY PHOTO ALBUMS / HOT FUDGE SUNDAES / FAKE MARRIAGE PROPOSALS / POETRY / ALL OF THIS DAMN POETRY / SUNDAY MORNINGS / THE WHISPER OF A PRAYER / THE FEELING OF FALLING / AND NOT BEING ABLE TO CATCH YOURSELF. 

You would order tea instead of coffee And you always take it with honey. I didn’t know how much these coffee dates Would end up meaning to me one day. But then again, maybe I did. Because as you walked me to my car I remember turning to you and saying That I’m going to remember this moment. I’m going to remember this feeling.

Inspired by ‘I Did Something Bad’ / Poems inspired by Reputation