a L O V E story of an A D D I C T

“My scared little mice run”, I said “run and never turn back.” Tiny things hear with tiny ears and eat with tiny mouths. “I hear the rabid dogs”, I screamed “barking up a storm.” Unscathed, they eat. Small morsel. “They have come with arms”, revolted they Scattered. Into a million pieces they scattered. I see the panic. A million mice, trampling over. They suffocate. They breathe small…

You can’t love me For the bones I bear bears— maggots and rotten flesh. I scraped all that off, And with all that, I come apart along with my rotten heart. With fallen teeth I speak With sunken eyes I see All that is beautiful and pure, For a lifetime I yearn this inner peace, A draw bridge of forgotten souls drawn into a castle of my dreams. Hauntingly masked A stranger…

Dear Maggie, I love you. In every sense of the word, and yet I was a kid, who didn’t know what that word meant. I fondly remember for hours, how we laid in bed gazing into each other’s eyes. The red walls kissed by the sound of the light September rain, the house empty, the street empty, just the quaint sound of your smile. The smoke would drift from my hand to your hand, and then, out of our…

The graveyard mice dance so,  oh so,  quietly in the moon lit barn.  The wet soaked air smells of autumn leaves.  Slowly breathing and calmly thinking,  fingers search and search and find nothing at all.

“There, quick, turn it. When the smoke comes out,” as I rotate pipe between my finger. Im a novice, an amateur drug abuser. The crystal liquidizes and turns to smoke, as if heaven grew from the rose stem with fury. If God ever created the world, the world grew from this pipe. Ugly, beautiful, and sinful. “Quickly turn it, slowly inhale and don’t burn that shit.” If gold was found in the ghetto,…

I used to believe that the dead saw more than the living. That somehow, somewhere beyond this life our soul will travel beyond space and time. A dead imprint that danced along the physical world leaving fingerprints on a streak-free glass. An ephemeral life extruded in form: an invisible shadow kept in solace, a silent past overlooked and ignored, the forgotten names that slipped past tasteless…

Aporia take my name, lift up and get me down, the underlying social order crumbles underneath your military boots. Hesitant to answer, too brainwashed to question, I toll into the abyss of uncertainty and authoritative insecurities. Take your hand and choke me, take your eyes and make me, scream my name, louder and louder, take me down under.

I hate the world for taking you away from me. You died a while back, but your memories still haunt me to this day. I still remember small details, details that even you did not care to admit. I told you multiple times how much I loved you, how much of my heart and soul I would give to you. Yet, you were high, just as high as me. You brushed it off like dust on your shoulder. We lived in a dream…

“Yugen,” so I’ve said with two grimace eyes and dry tasteful lips. “Yugen,” you yelled, then stared into my soul and asked, “where do we go when our bodies decay!” “Yugen,” I wonder why, I wonder sometimes, I wonder about everything and nothing at the same time. “Yugen” a Japanese word that describes and triggers deep emotions about you, the universe.

“In the word ‘kill’, the only thing that dies is the ego.”- Susan Atkins “Adam, what’s going on with you?” said the therapist with his curious stare. “Well… I have issues, screws loose in my head… I have been angry, pissed-off for the last couple of months… I don’t know how to control them…” staring at his hands, murderous and mischievous. Adam thought, how an evil brewed inside of him, how his…

“This McDonald’s feels weird with all the modern amenities… gunshots all around, liquor stores across the street, and pawnshops every other block. Don’t you think so? You might as well clean the neighbourhood, if you are going to place something nice like this into the ghetto. I never understood companies that rebrand themselves without actually rebranding the product they sell. Did you know, I…

It is weird!  Waking up, dreams switched and cut like a film spool, scattered around, thrown out, and discarded into the trash. I see my dreams, I recollect them in my head, observe them frame-by-frame, analyze the Salvidor painting of my dreamscape, and burn them off to the void— sometimes. And sometimes, I hang them up to come back to it; and sometimes, I think about it and flirt with it. The…

Love for the needle! I had a nightmare, I was Using. Again, y’all! Again, fuck it! Needle full, needle against my skin, poke through, poke all the way to the vein, dig through and search for that blood, pump up the plunge, syringes love straight to the heart. All I know is this love. Opium, cocaine, straight ice splashin around my brain.

Dear Britin, It has been awhile. How have you been? I really don’t have the words to express how I feel about your passing. Sometimes, I hope I see your pretty face again, but then again, I don’t know how much that would hurt me or worse yet, hurt you. I know I haven’t been the most supportive, or even the best outcome to your life. However, you really did change my life. I don’t know how much…

Lord, forgive me for I have sinned. I think at this point in my life, I feel like I took twelve steps back.  “Did I make any progress? Did I get any ‘better’?” I ask myself. “I don’t know.” That’s the answer, I give myself.  “I don’t know.”  That is what hurt the most. In the inner sanctum of my head, where I should feel safe— turned into a bomb shelter. From an answer that I don’t…

9/23/21 I fucking miss you! I feel so broken…