shut up and drive

Esme....Esme I want you to know--I want you to know that if you ever...ever need t'make out with someone fer any reason, an' it weren't fer...fer Boomer, I would be here for you. 

Dingo…..Diiiingo I’m down, I….I’m hurt. They got me, and it really—ah! It…it really hurts. Can you….could you come help me? I…I just don’t trust anyone else and…Ace you’re the only sneaky enough to get to me, please…

After a swift but effective barfight, a black-eyed (but triumphant) Kennedy begins the following--

Yannow, I feel like a pirate. 

A pirate. A piiiiirate with one eye! Argh!

 That reminds me!

So.

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I ain’t seen ya in a while. What happened, mate, you look terrible!"

"What do ya mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One—”

Oooooh, ooh Jemmy is shaking his head at me from behind the car, he doesn’t think…doesn’t think you know he’s there but there he is HI JEMMY—oh!

Oh that is his sexy sign. Jemmy that’s not sexy.

Oh!

He means me!

Ooooh. I am supposed to be--I am not very good at that. Nope. Ooooh but...oh! That reminds me! Okay! So, a Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Australian on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged,” and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man.”When the Australian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?”“Once,” he replied.“Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to you this morning?”“Don’t stop.”