all I ever wanted was to be enough for you

basics.

name: Amy Yildiz

nicknames: Ames, Amy-Lamey (lovingly by Emine probably) 

birthday/age: February 14, 1991 | 30 years old

gender/pronouns: Cis-Female / She, Her

sexuality: Tragically Heterosexual

relationship status: Single

zodiacs: Aquarius ☉ ; Cancer ☽ ; Scorpio 🡕

occupation: Clinical Psychologist

hobbies: Painting, Chess, Calligraphy, Archery, Origami

length of time in crescent harbor: Her entire life, save for the years she followed her ex-fiancé to California.

place of birth: Crescent Harbor, Washington

current neighborhood: Downtown

height: 5′4

moral alignment: Lawful Good

pets: Butterbean (Welsh Corgi) 

scent: Good Girl by Carolina Herrera; Coffee-Bergamot-Lemon-Jasmine Sambac-Orange Blossom-Bulgarian Rose-Tonka Bean-Cacao-Cinnamon-Vanilla

Dustin would have been the person to just keep the bruised squash for herself, even if of course she would rather have a nice one. It was just in her nature to take what she was given without complaint. Fortunately, the other woman had no problem just switching them out, handing her one of the squashes from the pile of perfectly good ones. “I - thank you. It uh…I’m sure it would have tasted fine anyway, so it’s okay. I doubt my family would have known the difference, they just like to eat,” Dustin reassured the woman with a soft laugh. It wasn’t the end of the world, a replaced squash and a bit of a startle were things she could breeze past easily. 

“Weirdly enough…this happens a lot with me, so I might be the common denominator here,” Dustin admitted, wincing a bit. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to lose track of herself, lost in her thoughts, causing more than her fair share of grocery cart pile-ups. “But ah…I think everything else looks alright. I’m uh…I’m not exactly a great chef, so I don’t know what half the stuff in this recipe looks like anyway.” Her brows furrowed as she looked back down at the recipe in her hands, shoulders lifting softly. “I mean, honestly, who even knows what a fiddlehead is?” Dustin certainly did not, but somehow she was meant to find it. 

Hearing the woman’s gratitude, it made supplementing the ruined squash for the untouched one that much more better. A soft laughter fell from her lips as she listened to her explanation about the ingredients she was picking out. The fact that it was for the sake of her family tugged at her heart in the best way. She figured she’d always be a sucker for anyone who put family among their top priorities. “Do you have a big family?” She asked as she moved around the aisle to finally start perusing the space. It’d been a while since she had replenished on her own produce and herbs, her eyes immediately fell on an incredible bushel of basil. 

Eyes glanced back at the woman as she asked, “Did you order take out a lot? I had that habit when I moved to California for a while. UberEats and Doordash were my calling, but it felt like a disservice to all of the cooking I was born to do.” She joked as she picked out a pack of radishes and carrots. “Fiddleheads are ...I can’t even pretend to know what they are. Do they somehow tie in with your squash dish?” 

Mack let her gaze shift and linger on Amy, observing the woman as best as she could to get a sense of where her head was at. There was obviously a lot going on there and Mack made a mental note of it to keep in mind when assigning people out to various tasks within the company. Amy was the type of worker that would take on more and more and the last thing Mack wanted was to overwhelm her. “Hell yeah it is. I’ve gotten a chance to look over most of the social media stuff and it all looks fantastic. I put in some notes for a few changes, but it should be a good campaign to put out there,” Mack confirmed with a proud grin. It was one of the few times of year that she had a hand in just about everything that went out from social media posts to email blasts, wanting to make sure that the messaging was on point. “And I’ve got Madison checking and double-checking everything before it goes out every day, so we should…hopefully be in the clear from any big hiccups. In theory.” It was something that happened, they were still a young company and finding their voice, but Mack was confident enough in the team to put it all together. “I’ll be putting together the travel list for the events later today. Mostly we’re partnering with a lot of local organizations for a lot of the manpower to run them, but I figure at least two of us from the office will fly out for each one. Did you want to travel out for any of them or is your schedule here filled up?”

Amy waited with bated breath until she felt her shoulders relaxing with relief. Though most of her work had been done remotely, she still found herself on the receiving end of Madison’s messages requesting that Amy give it a look over to confirm that Mack would be over the moon about it. “How do you manage your time by the way? Especially when you’re getting inundated with producers begging you to add some spice to their programs these days?” Mack encompassed so many traits that Amy idolized and though she had courage and confidence in how she handled things, her self confidence was starting to dwindle as of late. It was then that she noticed Mack was giving her a look, one that didn’t require the woman to ask questions but she knew what it meant. “Do I seem a little off today?” Amy asked honestly, “It’s just one of those days Mack, I’ll bounce back.” She offered before they settled into the meeting as planned. Presentation after presentation, Amy found herself taking notes until eventually her mind drifted. Had she remembered to turn the thermostat appropriately for her mother? It wasn’t until she heard her name being repeated did she blink and find herself to the snickering of her colleagues. “Sorry I-, could you repeat? Travel you said? I just have a commitment at the hospital, but I’m sure I can ask for spare days.” 

“A cup of coffee a day keeps the Amy at bay.” She said quietly as she peered up at the menu at the local coffee shop. Unbeknownst to her however, she could have sworn she heard chuckling from beside her and she was quick to cover her mouth in both embarrassment and acknowledgement. “Sorry, I definitely thought I was just saying that in my head but I guess it didn’t stay there.” She said with an apologetic shrug. “Coffee is basically the force that keeps me going though, I should probably get that checked out though, huh.” 

One of the topics that Amy could commiserate with was the art of settling in a different town. She knew how it felt to feel out of place but mainly that stuck for the times she traveled anywhere outside of Crescent Harbor, all for the sake of education and love. But for the youth she was working with, they were displaced for a myriad of reasons, including a major move, an unfortunate circumstance, and the worst yet: reasons they themselves couldn’t fathom just yet. The case she had today in the school was a tough one, especially as she’d been called in on a whim. The family hadn’t made their official move yet and were just checking in on the school and what the layout would be like, that was until the potential student in question began panicking in a viscerally agonizing manner, something that alarmed the secretary that the counseling staff at hand could not handle just yet. Amy did her best to be a welcoming and less alarming presence, making her rounds with the family before she offered the student a look at her empty hands. An easy distractor to get them to decide what their next move would be. 

When the sniffling had subsided, she gently got them up from the floor, motioning for the parents and the tour guide to take her to the nurses office for an ice pack in case a dizzying spell could occur and that she would follow in just a moment. When it seemed they had disappeared to the location, she let out a long sigh before it followed with a grumbling sound coming from her stomach. That’s what she got for skipping out on breakfast. She meandered around the halls making it towards what she supposed was the lounge and she saw a man inside sitting by one of the tables. “Good morning! Hope I’m not interrupting or being intrusive but...there doesn’t happen to be a spare banana or apple in there is there?” 

WHERE: their childhood home

WITH: @amy-yildiz

Being back within the walls of a house that had been — and still always would be in truth — home growing up, came with an air of obvious familiarity, yet foreign at the time. Sure the feel of the interior itself still held that warmth, the fondness of days spent as their small family of three, running through the halls with Amy as laughter echoed. It now stood steadily, anomalous. Perhaps it was simply because she’d been away for so long, even making the occasional trip, they became more few and far between. Or maybe it was the weight of what brought her back to Crescent Harbor, the news of her mother plagued by the onset of fading memories and cognitive abilities. Something that was only made more prominent when she came face to face with the woman at the door and while her features formed a softened delight, she was met for a moment with a gaze of confusion. Heart-rending to say the least, having to help one of the most important people in your life realize who you are, but it wasn’t her fault, so of course Emine did her best not to let it grip her too tightly deep down.

A bit more easily done when the recognition came a joyful ‘canım bebeğim’ exclaimed, being engulfed in a hug as she stepped inside. The rest of her visit had been much of the same, few bumps here and there but it was simply nice getting to spend this time with her. Both in mid-conversation when another presence entered the home, ears perking as her sister’s voice called out for their mother before she actually appeared in front of them. She hadn’t exactly thought they’d be here at the same moment, figuring Amy might’ve been busy with clients currently. Not as though she’d been actively avoiding her, but the strain between them had only increased as of late. Blue eyes lock with brown ones, only dropping after hearing the elder woman greet her, despondency cutting through the left side of her chest at how instant the recollection had been, though it wasn’t shown. Instead she allowed a subtle tender smile to curve in place. ❝ Hoşgeldin abla. ❞

Normally, Amy would have been fine getting lost in the myriad of twist and turns her day had to offer her. But today she couldn’t  help but feel a pit of anxiety welling up in her stomach. She’d dropped by to see her mother early in the morning, feeling hopeful when she had greeted her without missing a beat though that hope soon faltered when she saw some appliances weren’t plugged in properly, a tea kettle had been scorched, and there were miniscule and superficial cuts on her palms. When she managed to get what she needed to feel comfortable while she was away with the promise to return in the evening, she set off to meetings, appointments, and consultations all with the nagging feeling that she shouldn’t have left her alone, especially when this morning’s spell seemed worse off than it had been in weeks. But she managed to juggle her tasks and thankfully had a last minute therapy cancellation and soon found her way back to the docks with a warm meal and some flowers. She had done some studies about visualization and how it could help to keep the mind active even in the process of declining. She just hoped it would be enough for the time being before things go worse. “Anne? Neredesin?” The sound of her mother exclaiming her name in delight instantly gave her the grace to smile. Until she heard her say, “I can’t remember who’s here with me.” She trailed closer to where she could see her mother and beside her with piercing blue eyes was her sister. “Emi-” She began almost breathlessly. “Geri döndüğünü bilmiyordum.”

Arms embraced her tightly, unsure if he had accidentally cracked her back. If so, it was only out of love. “I’m good, I’m good,” he murmured, finally releasing her from his hold. “Still at the docks with my parents and grandparents, but I turned the basement into a little apartment,” Haru told her with a grin. He had no shame for being in his thirties and living with his parents, but he knew that people judged him. 

“Yeah, over there. Those two old people eating pears on the bench,” he shook his head and laughed. Why pears? They were objectively one of the least desirable fruits, but to each their own. “They’ll probably give you a hug and kiss if they spot you, you know they adore you,” Haru smirked. “Oh yeah? You got a job here?” he sounded surprised, though he shouldn’t have. Amy adored her sister from what he could remember. “Did you and Emine get a place together?”

Amy folded her arms together as she took in Haruto’s current situation, not being able to help herself from shaking her head as thought about the motto for the docks. If one came from there it was just a part of you no matter where you went, and that rang true especially since she had since moved on to some decent digs in the downtown neighborhood. “Did you have the whole thing redone?” Amy asked incredulously trying to imagine how someone of his stature could fit down there without having to crane his neck downward. Though knowing he was with his family and getting on, that was something Amy appreciated. 

Eyes glanced over at the elderly duo doing just as Haruto had proclaimed, eating pears while giggling at passerbys. “I should go say hi huh, maybe after we finish with catching up.” She said with a smile before she playfully pushed his arm. “Yeah I work for this non-profit mostly virtual based company downtown. I also do freelance through BetterHelp and TalkSpace when I can. There’s been a lot of smaller case files for me too with the school system and the hospital, I basically kind of go wherever duty calls,” She explained, before she paused for a moment. “Emine was somewhere not in Washington last I checked, Mom’s still living at the docks and I’ve been visiting daily.” 

closed starter for @amy-yildiz location: conference room at crescent general hospital

Octavian’s supervising psychologist was supposed to accompany him to this meeting, but the senior researcher had been pulled into another engagement and asked her fellow to handle the preliminary discussion with their partner. He might have agreed out of professionalism even having known the identity of their collaborator, but it certainly didn’t help his nerves as he entered the room and saw Amy sitting there. It brought back memories of coming home after an afternoon doing research under his professor in grad school to her sitting at their dinner table, or him running to meet her for a meal after class. How things had changed.

“Hey,” was the greeting that Octavian was able to muster as he approached the table, giving her a respectful nod. In another instance, they would’ve had a much more personal reunion but he had to keep the professional setting in mind. In this context, she was a colleague before she was his ex-fiancée. “We’re working on a project, tying art therapy to clinical neuroscience here at Crescent General. Seeing how it helps dementia and amnesia patients,” he began, placing his laptop on the table and going through some slides on a presentation. “It’s not my specialty, which is why we’re looking for collaboration from others in the field such as yourself. And I honestly think that we’d work well together on this,” he stated coolly. They had broken up two years ago and hardly seen each other since, surely they could work together for a couple of months for the hospital’s sake.

The busier she kept her schedule, the better. At least that’s what she told herself especially when it came with the parameters of being a licensed clinician. Amy was booked out for clients well into the fall but it didn’t stop her from jumping on a collaborative case that would take place at the local hospital. She knew there was a shortage of workers due to an influx of maternity leaves, and while she thought she could handle what ever the case had to offer, the only time she stopped with even an ounce of hesitation was when she saw who one of the representatives would have been. A name she hadn’t seen physically in over two years. 

Octavian Summers. In the past, just the thought of him would have sent her into a giggling frenzy but now she could only feel a blanket of sadness creeping up her shoulders. Though things had ended between them in a completely amicable manner, there was still something that haunted the woman more than she cared to admit. Was it the way she could still remember how his Adam’s apple looked like it was permanently frozen when she passed back her engagement ring to him? Or perhaps it was the shield her imagination conjured up when she remembered looking into his eyes one of the last times before she wheeled her suitcase out of their shared home in California. But the past was the past wasn’t it? There was nothing they could do to change the events, all they could do was go forward. No matter how much it dredged up unfinished business. It didn’t matter. His entrance was a little jarring, far too professional for words. It was enough for her to laugh, “Octavian, I think we can afford to be less stringent whilst discussing the task at hand?” The collaboration would be an easy one, especially since it was her specialty to incorporate art into certain modalities. “What can you tell me about the patient?” 

Sometimes it was difficult being a single male, having to keep a fridge that was stocked with actual food and not just pickles and cheese sticks. It was a gorgeous day and instead of sticking inside with his own demons, Declan realized he needed more seeds for his garden. What he had right now was growing beautifully, but he could always try to grow something else. Jalapeños sounded like a great challenge, so why not see what the market had? 

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he mumbled. Eyes were a bit hazy, but it was only from the sun. His cart held nothing, and honestly he didn’t need a cart, but it was more of an escort to help him around. “You come here often?” Declan asked, clearing his throat. “I’m looking for seeds. Like…to grow, you know which tent they’re in?”

She waited a beat, leaning forward slightly as she strained to hear what the man was mumbling, but she promptly stepped back as she pushed her cart slightly away. “I’m really sorry again, I wasn’t watching where I was going.” She offered apologetically. Amy then looked around the market, and gave him yet another apologetic look, “This is actually my first time here, I never knew it existed. Is this new?” She hoped the man could have answered that question for her. 

“With everything they have to offer here though I’ll probably make it a point to add this to my routine and get some fresh ingredients every week,” She said with a smile. As the man let her know he was looking for seeds to plant, and not to ingest she couldn’t help but shake her head. “I would say that ingesting seeds that aren’t recommended for consumption is a safe route but, the signs here are pretty huge aren’t they?” She pointed over to the section where hanging plants and potted plants seemed to be.” Looks like it might be over there, wanna take a look?” 

Apples. Grapes. Flowers. Landon couldn’t go anywhere without a list and that included the farmer’s market. A place where a person was supposed to go wherever the wind blew them, and Landon was staring at his notes in his goddamn cell phone. With his basket in tow, he already figured out the fasted route to get his items before returning home. 

“Excuse me?” his head cocked to the side as he used his free hand to settle the basket that was rocking back and forth against his waist. Hopefully there wouldn’t be any scratches there, but that was something he wouldn’t discover until he took a shower later that evening. “I’m fine, but I believe it’d be in your best interest to either leave the market or get on the sidewalk where you won’t be such a hazard.” 

For all intents and purposes, the contents of the man’s basket seemed to be intact, there didn’t seem to be any bodily injury with the collision of her cart, yet there was a burst of animosity almost instantaneously. Great, exactly what she needed on the one normal occurrence she’d had in the last couple of days. She’d dealt with people like this of course in her years of interning and sitting in with cases, but this man hadn’t asked for her help, he was simply existing, and in a way where huffing and puffing seemed to be normal to him. 

The biting tone would have alarmed any one, but Amy took it in stride, her grin even broadened as she heard his statement about her getting lost or getting on the sidewalk. “I don’t know if I may have intruded in some routine you may have had, but you are aware accidents are only partially avoidable right? Have you never been spaced out before?” There was killing people would kindness, but that wasn’t Amy’s game, she was surely going to use her patience to diffuse the short fuse, or endure it should it burst. 

Family was a big part of Haruto’s life, which is why he was spending the morning with his parents and grandparents shopping together at the market. Throughout the week, he would pick up little things here and there, but at the market his grandparents were able to get out and walk around for a bit and socialize with the other elders of the town. His parents were able to restock the necessities that every kitchen should have, and Haruto enjoyed the atmosphere. He  was watching his grandparents from across the street when he felt his cart ricochet into his waist. 

Shaking his head with a smile, he started to speak, “I was in the way, I–,” he looked down and his brows rose in shock and confusion. “Amy?” Hadn’t she moved? Out of the state? It wasn’t completely out of the ordinary to spot her here, considering she still had family living in town, it was just… “Seeing you definitely wasn’t on my agenda today, but I can’t say I’m upset. How’ve you been? You here for a week, or the weekend or something?” 

As her vision adjusted to view who she had run into, her frantic panic turned into one of general relief. It’d been easily over a decade since she’d last walked the hallways of Crescent High, and of the familiar faces she wouldn’t have minded running into Haruto. Though he’d been a year her senior, they had been relatively close, but had lost touch once she had thrown herself into her studies for undergrad. She smiled broadly as she pushed her cart safely away to not cause any further trouble, arms outstretched to embrace him. “It’s been so long,” She agreed, though Amy knew logically one couldn’t plan a days hurdle, there was only control in certain things but not everything. “How have you been? I can’t believe it’s really you either.” She chuckled. 

Amy tucked a strand of brunette hair behind her ear, eyes glancing over to where Haruto’s had briefly darted. “Are your grandparents here?” She questioned, before her shoulders tensed slightly. “I’ve been here for a while, I came home for work and for family things.” She hoped her voice had remained even as the topic was still heavy. 

Just the response and look in Amy’s eyes told Mack everything she needed to know and a sympathetic smile creased her lips. “I get ya,” she nodded softly, letting her chair swirl over closer towards the other woman. Kicking her feet up to rest on the table in front of her, Mack leaned back and got comfortable, adjusting her hat around to the front of her head. “That is a very good question. Nick’s on point with it today, I’m still catching up from being gone. I’ve got maybe ten minutes of stuff on my end to present, so hopefully not too bad,” she shrugged. It always took her awhile to get readjusted to the workings of everything once she got back, leaving most of the leadership to others in her stead. Mack was happy to be a background leader, there to help any way that she could, but not necessarily on top of every little detail. “I think we’re going over some end of the month wrap-ups stuff with the numbers and then plans for some events next month. I think we’re hosting a Pride events all across the country that should be…super cool.”

Amy had always considered herself a hard worker, in fact she found that she thrived in any setting where she could throw herself into any sector of what made a project thrive. But now with everything that was privately going down with her family, she wasn’t so sure she was able to remain a Jacqueline of All Trades the way she’d tailored herself to be for years now. With Mack coming in and out of the office for her other endeavors, she realized she hadn’t had a chance to let the woman in on what had changed with her, but she could tell that Mack was able to read her like an open book. She pressed her temples and let her hands fall to the nape of her neck. She could handle whatever Nick had to represent, but if he overused his 15 minutes of time, she wasn’t sure if today would be the day she could stop herself from snapping pencils. Amy perked up at Mack’s statement about the new June initiative, another project she could throw herself in. “That’s right that is coming up isn’t it? Are the social media posts queued up and ready to go? Graphics are fine? Did Madison cross-check references so we don’t get hit with another Twitter travesty?” 

Cooking wasn’t really high on Dustin’s list of favorite things to do, but she tried her best to keep food stocked in the fridge for the days that she forgot to eat. Plus, she liked having things there just in case Lachlan got hungry as well. With the intention of cooking a nice meal for her family’s weekly get together, Dustin had a full list of ingredients she was trying to find. Wandering down the different stalls, her head was buried in the recipe, brows furrowed together as she tried to piece together exactly where she might find everything. She was fully wrapped up in what she was ready, not paying as much attention to the outside world, so it came as no surprise to her when she felt her cart colliding with another. 

Despite knowing she was paying no attention, she found herself yelping in surprise regardless. Fortunately, the only casualty was a spaghetti squash tumbling out and down to the ground. “Oh, no it was ah - totally me too, uh,” Dustin trailed off, blinking rapidly for a moment before gathering her attention back to the woman. “I’m okay. Just a uh - a squash down.” Bending down to pick it back up, Dustin shrugged a bit, figuring a slight bruise would probably still be fine. “Are you okay, though?” 

Amy spotted the fallen squash right after the sound of it thudding against the ground seemed to echo in the aisle. It seemed the other woman seemed to be just as spaced out as she had been, but since Amy had jumped into action, offering her hand to take the bruised squash. “Let me grab you another one? I know there’s something to be said about imperfections on food, but this one was definitely human made rather than naturally and I am so, so sorry about it.” She added, as she eyed the mountain of squashes and picked up a pristine one, handing it off to the woman. Her cart was still completely empty, if she dared to inspect it further she might have seen some of the metal having scratches on it, but she figured that may not have been her problem in theory. 

“I’ve actually never had a fender bender before in a grocery store,” She said with a chuckle, “But if there were blame to be cast, I would take responsibility.” She held up her hand to show some time of code of honor. “Nothing else fell out right? No berries or seeds out of place?” 

Though Amy had been back in town for quite some time now, there was a sense of adventure that still welled in her system. California was a culture shock, filled with less homely feels, and a lot of nonsense that wrapped itself up in protein shakes and kale in any way one could ingest kale. That was why she was when she saw the flyers plastered around town about the official opening of a year-round farmers market, she couldn’t help but be intrigued. She wondered if the spot just happened to have seasonal fruits and vegetables, would they attempt to keep stocking cara cara oranges this close to the beginning of summer time? Walking through the market was also a nice reprieve from the careful schedule she had set for herself. Now that things had the possibility of being moved to virtual settings, she found she was a hot commodity for clients who wanted the option to see her for virtual sessions. If she didn’t have any sessions to tend to in that realm she usually was making her way to good vibes inc. attempting to use one of the smaller offices as an oasis for those who preferred face to face, and then if work wasn’t completely consuming her, she found herself being a caretaker for her mother who was slowly forgetting how to go about daily tasks. Grocery shopping was on that list. With a cart in tow, her mind tried its best to focus on the items she’d need, though the weight of everything had caused her to crash her cart into another's. She blinked slightly before she shook her head in embarrassment.  “I’m so sorry, I kind of blanked there for a second, are you okay?” 

location; good vibes inc. office tagged; @amy-yildiz​

Coming into the office was always something Mack loved being able to do. It was a small space, but it was a warm space. Everyone on staff was hand picked to be there, creating a work environment that was hard to beat. The fact that they were all there for a reason and fighting to make lives better all across the globe only made it that much sweeter. Rolling into the office space, Mack headed back towards the larger staff lounge area, smile widening when she saw Amy in there. “Ames, hey, glad I caught you in today,” she greeted, plopping down into one of the rolling chairs to slide across the room towards one of the tables near Amy. “What’s good with you?” Mack had plenty of business related things to catch up on with a lot of her co-workers now that she was back in the swing of things after a stint away filming, but it was always more important to her to catch up on a personal level first.

It’d taken a while but Amy had finally gotten her mother to rest after a frightful few hours of confusion. She looked at the fine lines that creased around the edges of her fast, her heart ached at the sight while she simultaneously felt some type of relief to know she was finally experiencing some form of peace, even if it were laden in her dreams. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, an alert for an upcoming meeting at good vibes inc. within the next hour shined blatantly in her face. Shit. Quickly, she tore herself from the ruffled button down shirt and switched to a blouse, deemed her jeans still wearable for the environment and tossed her hair up in a pony tail, strands of hair framed her face. Before she knew it she was rushing to the office space, thankfully having at least 10 minutes to spare and catch her bearings. Like clockwork, she had her notes, her laptop out, and a familiar array of post it notes with passwords, ramblings, and whatever else that could help her through the day. She looked up perplexed when she saw Mack until she broke out in a gentle smile. “It’s one of those days,” She admitted. “But I’m managing, is the meeting long today?”