molting exoskeleton

It has just been a reminder that the medical system would rather I die, then to try to get me treatment. It is a reminder that they have given up & do not want me to live.

It has been seeing white disabled people get all the treatment & resources while black and brown disabled people are left behind.

It's been eugenics and the threat of losing ADA & bringing back institutions.

People would rather pretend life with several diseases, parasites, viral infections, unclean air that we can't breathe is normal rather than wear a mask and do something about it. Every abled person is letting us all die and watching, just like the beginning of Covid too.

I have not felt any pride or joy. I have not felt accepted in a community, i don't have community care or access to the resources other disabled people do.

I have felt shame, anger, frustration, jealous, depressed and other negative emotions. I feel hopeless.

People follow me for my art, but would you care about my art if I become so disabled I no longer can make it? If I waste away in bed because I can't get up and have no caregiver, or resources?

I am just another faceless nobody. A disabled person slipping through the cracks of the system that will never be here for me.

People tell me to stay strong but have no idea how hard it is to live for a day in my body

I am tired.

I have only 18$ in my bank account because of some mental health struggles of my partner (going in & out of residential and hospital treatment).