February goals:

Something freezes me from my real spirit: is it fear of failure, fear of being vulnerable? I must melt it.

“In the Iliad, the truth of life—however harsh or ironic—prevails over the occasions of feeling. […] “She remembered to eat when she was worn out with weeping.” No other poet, not even Shakespeare, would have run the risk of so humble a truth at such an instant of tragic solemnity.”

I wanted the past to go away, I wanted to leave it, like another country; I wanted my life to close, and open like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song where it falls down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery; I wanted to hurry into the work of my life; I wanted to know, whoever I was, I was alive for a little while.

The Creature calling itself Viktor and following Viktor around is so much more tragic when you know how babies develop and how newborns don't yet realise they and their mothers are two separate people. And one of the first things babies realise about themselves is that they're a whole separate person. And one of the first things they do when they start developing as a person is find out they have hands and play with them and with textures and start exploring. And when they want to start talking, they put their hands and fingers on their parents lips and throats to figure out how that sound is coming out of there and then they start imitating. Guillermo Del Toro nailed every single step of human development in such a beautiful celebration of life.

Something freezes me from my real spirit: is it fear of failure, fear of being vulnerable? I must melt it.

Some girl a hundred years ago once lived as I do. And she is dead. I am the present, but I know I, too, will pass. The high moment, the burning flash, come and are gone, continuous quicksand. And I don’t want to die.