just a fling.

From the day Sushant Bansal came into my life, I had became a brand-new person.

He’d brought a different type of discipline and dedication into my life. I had one aim and one goal driving me forward every single day. Finding a way to get Jaskirat out of jail and off the path to the death penalty.

I had tried the legal route; I spoke to my father and yet…he couldn’t do anything. How was it that one of the judges of the Supreme Court of India couldn’t do anything? 

The answer came during another phone call with my father. If Jaskirat’s attorney wasn’t filing a petition, he couldn’t do anything. His attorney? She was told by Jaskirat in very firm words that he did not want to fight anymore. He wanted to just live the rest of his life in peace. This was something I could never come to terms with. And never would be able to. 

After all, he was insane. He didn’t realize that there were people he’d left behind who depended on him being okay to continue living a peaceful life.

Jasleen, Pinda, Maa, and….me.

That was precisely why I had gone this route. It wasn’t correct, not by any means, but I had the right people on my side. They were the ones who were pushing me forward. Every single day spent in training had been brutal, my own parents not quite understanding why I’d dedicated my life to this cause.

After a couple of conversations and meetings, understanding just what route I was allowing my life to take—it was decided. I was joining a cause that would never allow me to have my own identity. I would be a shadow, and I would be the one who would get the man I loved—out of the situation he was in.

From that moment, Sushant Bansal had taken me to an undisclosed location. It was somewhere with so many others like me. Some who had no aim, and some who had perhaps too much adrenaline that they didn’t know what they could do.

Being trained was something I had never thought would be in my future but here I was. I had spent over two years training in physical combat, in arms, in espionage, in everything that people only dreamed of when they thought of secret missions with RAW.

It was 2002 now. Two years had passed and I’d been asking relentlessly when I’d be allowed to carry out my mission. 

But I was told one thing, over and over, repeatedly; nazar aur sabr. Vigilance and patience.

When that day had come, I had seen the look in Bansal sir’s eyes when he came to ‘observe’ the trailing. He took one look at me, and I knew. He didn’t need to say it. I could see the unspoken words in his gaze. After all, I’d been trained on this now.

The day was coming…

My instructions were clear. We’d intercept the vehicle after Rajpura. A police diversion would be set up and naturally the police escort team would have to follow the rules and that’s when we’d intercept. 

Nobody was to be harmed. The guns used would have blanks instead of proper bullets. The shooting was a diversion tactic, yet another trick that we were taught. 

It was finally that morning and I was getting dressed, a patiala suit was my choice, my guns holstered against my sides, my face covered with my dupatta, my hair braided and tied back. Staring at my reflection in the mirror—I hardly looked like the girl he once knew. My eyes were filled in with deep black kajal, making my eyes look almost dangerous…the only part of me he’d be able to see.

Would he even know it was me? Would he be disappointed that this was the path I took? Or would he understand? We hadn’t been able to meet him in the last two years—no one had. Not Jasleen, not Pinda and certainly not me.

We got situated in the car and were ready for our action. I was with a couple more who had begun training with me. But for them—this was a routine training mission. They weren’t supposed to realize the impact it would have on my life and I stayed quiet also. If I showed my true emotions regarding this mission—it could jeopardize it and that was precisely what Bansal sir wanted me to avoid.

Only Bansal sir knew my emotions associated with this mission and that was it. The problem was—during our last few debriefs I was getting the feeling he had more in mind for Jaskirat than just getting him off of death row. And maybe for me as well. But he was always tight-lipped; never saying more than necessary.

I was silently praying to Waheguru ji, to let this mission go off without a hitch and it was only when I saw that familiar blue police van did we all jump into action. The sound of blanks being fired began instantly. The first aim was clear—get the police transfer team to be unarmed while we got into the van to get the prisoner. No one else knew who it was. For them—he was just a prisoner.

But mere liye—mere liye yeh do saalon ke baad pehli baar hoga jab main aapne Jaskirat ko dobara dekh paungi. 

How many nights had I lain awake in my bunk, staring at the onepicture I had of us together—one Pinda had taken. 

Jaskirat was trying to fix his tie before his family picture with everyone aur main thodi duur kahri thi—bas usko dekhi jaa rahi thi. Meri favourite picture hai woh. Pata nahi kaise Pinda ko pata tha…lekin usne photo keech ke mujhe di thi jab Jaskirat army ki training ke liye gaya tha, aur tab se ab tak maine sambhal ke rakhi hai.

I could see the door to the van be opened and quickly got into action, I climbed into the van once the other police guards were distracted by the other team members with me and saw him looking at all of us in shock and surprise. He thought we were there to kill him. His hands were cuffed and he was trying to fight one of the others for their gun but I quickly intercepted. 

My eyes were fierce as I kept my gaze locked onto his. “Jaskirat…bas.” 

Stop resisting was what I wanted to say but with all the commotion, only this much left my lips. After all—I was seeing him again after so long. Yes I had been trained for this. But my heart couldn’t be given instructions. It felt what it would always feel for this man in front of me.

I could see the way he was looking at me, trying to place my voice, trying to remember where he’d seen my eyes before but I couldn’t do this now—not when all this was happening around us. 

But Jaskirat was a true fighter. He tried to lunge at me, not fully recognizing me yet, until my dupatta slowly slipped from my face and he realized just who was standing here in front of him. 

“Tu—” His eyes showed he recognized me instantly. My heart soared but that elated feeling only lasted a second. His face was covered with a black cloth by one of the others and we had to drag him out of that police van. The distraction wouldn’t last too long, not when the police had already radio’d for back up. 

So I grabbed his wrist, my slender fingers wrapped around his hand for what could only be described as one of the first few times in our entire life and I tugged him along to our waiting vehicle. 

It was perhaps not visible to anyone else. Lekin maine dekha tha. Jab mera haath usspe aaya—he visibly relaxed, if only for a second. As if usko pata chal gaya tha ke agar main saath hoon—toh sab theek hoga. Main aagayi thi, aur ab…usse kuch nahi hone wala tha.

The car sped off in high speed and I just knew, even as I carefully kept my hand close to his leg—he’d have a million questions. I just hoped, he had the sense to wait until we were alone. If any of the other team realized our personal connection—the entire mission would be a fail in Bansal sir’s eyes.

And I could not and would not let that happen.