There's a lot of talk about how women are represented in popular media and how this impacts self esteem and self concept for girls. It seems to me there's a lot less talk about how popular media affects boys.
To be honest, I do feel sorry for the lads. Obviously, being female, I can't know for certain the kind of pressures that are placed on boys during those rocky years that bridge childhood and adulthood, so everything I say here is really just guesswork.
But the idea (perpetuated by media and often reflected in the attitudes of society) that girls, particularly those between the ages of 18 and 25, are primarily sexual objects and/or targets, doesn't seem to me to do the members of either gender any favours. It teaches girls that their self worth is rooted in their physical appearance and sex appeal. And it teaches boys that their self worth is rooted in their ability to form purely superficial (and ideally transient) relationships with members of the opposite sex.
Basically, it tells us that sex is the be all and end all of all human interaction. I see it so often (especially now that I live in the hot heaving sexhouse that is on campus accommodation), and it is so, so frustrating. It's frustrating because I see guys who are wonderful, caring, generous people in virtually every other respect treat their "romantic" interests with very little humanity. It's frustrating because I see girls who are incredibly strong, capable and intelligent genuinely surprised if a guy calls them back, or wants to spend time with them outside the bedroom, or, after ignoring them for months, tells them that he misses them.
(I'd like to acknowledge at this point that I know this sounds like a big rant about how "boys are all awful and mean and terrible", but obviously I realise and openly admit that not all boys mistreat girls, just like not all girls are completely innocent of mistreating boys. It's just a worrying trend that I've observed. In addition I don't place all the blame on boys for their behaviour. Whilst I do believe that everyone, regardless of gender, has to take some kind of individual responsibility for their conduct, I also think it's true that the messages continually stressed in movies, on the television, in magazines, etc, etc, do breed a culture that's conducive to the trend that I'm describing.)
But what I find the saddest, and what I know for a fact is true for at least one boy, is the feeling of not being capable of handling or maintaining intimate emotional attachment to another human being. Because "that's not what uni (and by extension, being young) is about". Because it's not how you're supposed to behave. It's not what you're supposed to do. Feelings are bad, and are not to be discussed, especially not with their source.
Hearing and seeing that breaks my heart. And it's not just because, on a personal level, it means that I miss out on what could and should be a rewarding and meaningful relationship now, but because, unless something changes dramatically, the guy in question misses out on that forever. And I feel like his situation probably isn't unique. Which is quite frankly (I'm on holidays so you'll have to excuse the lack of sophistication in my writing) really fucking shitty and completely inexcusable. No one should be left without the tools and the confidence to communicate with another human being on a more profound level, and to be comfortable in being both physically AND emotionally close.
snowghoul
germansingergirl
tangentwithtanner
titsay