amelia roché

Im not having the best of days. I know you might not read this until you get off, but that's ok. 

I'm really ready leave this life in North Augusta.

I got lunch with my dad today and he was asking about how we were going to pay for grad school. I broke it down for him and he seemed really impressed by how much we are saving. He said if they had any extra money they would help us, but they just don't. He did say that they can probably buy me a new laptop though. But talking about it all with him made me start to get worried all over again. He asked me if we're prepared for the fact that I might not get a job straight after graduation. He made it all seem very real. What we are attempting to do is completely possible! I truly believe that. But that doesn't mean it isn't going to be hard. These choices we are making are going to require a TON of faith in Jesus, that he will provide everything we need. 

So after lunch I was a little depressed and stressed. Just the weight of it all and all of the "what if?"s were hanging over me. But then I came back to work. And realized this is NOT what I'm supposed to do with my life. There's this project the our missionaries are trying to plan. But they're returning to Papua New Guinea next week. So I'm left with this project and people are asking me all these questions about it and everyone is acting like this small, simple project is the most important and difficult thing in the world and all I can think of is, "I'm leaving in 5 months. I honestly don't care about this project at all." I'm not exactly sure how this relates to the thoughts I had at lunch with my dad. But I just feel very ready to say goodbye to this chapter of our lives, even though the next chapter isn't going to be any easier.

It's going to be difficult. We are going to be apart. Money will be tight. We don't know what's going to happen once we graduate. Leaving lunch today with my dad I once again asked myself, "Is this worth it?!" I'm afraid to give a 100% "yes" to that question. I don't know, maybe we're making a terrible mistake. But a big chunk of me doesn't think so. Everything will turn out right in the end. We just need to trust God. It feels right, even though it's really daunting. 

So I’m doing one of those Goodreads Challenges. I’ve given myself the goal of reading 12 *new* books this year (a big feat because I know I’ll be tempted to re-read HP this summer). So far, I’ve read 4 and started my fifth. Here’s just a lil review of each!

Emma by Jane Austin

Not my favorite Jane Austin (that place is still held by Pride & Prejudice) but it was indeed entertaining. It was somehow still a good read even though for the most part I found the main character, Emma, to be quite annoying. But I found myself dreaming of the English countryside throughout this work that is Austen’s longest.

The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell

Ok, this one almost didn’t qualify for the challenge. I’ve never technically finished this book (although I had read most of it before). But it felt refreshing to actually finish it this time! The book is SO good. I recommend it to all. Don’t be afraid of getting lost in all the statistics and numbers-- it’s worth it when Gladwell then twists those numbers into something real and human. I learned a lot about people and how our brains work through this book. 

The Girl on the Train, Paula Hawkins

I was late to the game on this one. The Girl on the Train exploded this past summer, topping charts faster than BLANK. And I can see why. Unfortunately, it took me a while to get into, and then before I knew it the book was over. It was, however, one of those books that I immediately wanted to read again as soon as I was finished. I thoroughly recommend this book to anyone.

I Am Malala, Malala Yousafzai

The memoir of the fifteen year old Pakistani girl who was shot by the Taliban for standing up for girl’s education. Although it was written with the help of American journalist Christina Lamb, some parts of the book seemed as if they had been roughly translated from Malala’s native language of Urdu. Perhaps the book was written this way intentionally, maybe it was a stylistic choice. This is the only negative thing I have to say-- this is a really good read! My favorite aspect of the book was how it presented American/Pakistani relations through the lens of a young girl from a moderate Muslim middle class family.