Things that read differently~

Warning for Personal Feelings, Drama, related to FHR stuff

I haven’t been active with FHR stuff lately. Part of this is due to things in my life being extremely stressful, but because those things are stressful, that is why I miss it so much too.

I want to come back but I have this... guilt, this bad feeling. For being gone as long as I was, for how I left after all that drama upheaval.  I feel... awful, about my role in that drama - I didn’t know or understand a lot of the parties involved, but because I wanted to keep things together, wanted to hold the community together and smooth things over, I tried to mediate and maybe I should have stayed out of it.

It didn’t bother me at first. A bunch of people asked me if I was okay and I told them I was fine with all this, and I was! I felt fine!

But then I saw all these people I loved talking to that were now afraid or stressed, or unable to enjoy FHR the way they had, I saw huge parts of the community just decide it wasn’t worth it anymore, and leave. I saw the stress and angst all the mess caused Malin.

And when I saw that, I couldn’t help but feel like maybe I’d helped burn down the village while trying to save it, that I’d had a hand in ruining it for people - maybe I’d amplified the wrong voices. The other people who’d stepped up to take charge of the situation made some really good rule changes, and built a great plan for the future together, but I wasn’t really able to help - another thing I’m guilty of.

I haven’t been able to really enjoy FHR stuff since, and I’m trying, I keep thinking that any day now, it’ll click, and I’ll be back in the mood, and write some Mina stuff, or Argent stuff, or something. That I’ll be able to return and chit-chat with people with some new content to show for my long absence.

But it hasn’t yet.