Walking in Wonderland

My friend from the cath lab just sent me this…they just got called in for an acute.

This is what they call a “widow maker”, the left main artery feeds the two main areas of the front of the heart, this fellow is literally hanging on by a thread!

Ugh, the guy needed surgery ASAP

The aftermath of a V.Fib arrest in the Cath Lab.

The MD, Nurses, CVT’s, RCIS’s and RT’s were hard at work to save another life.

These medical folks are a special heroes in my book. Their specialized skills are learned mostly on the job and under the direction of their procedural physician.

As an RN, other than having some critical care experience and having ACLS, you really don’t learn this stuff in school. It’s all on the job.

When a patient codes in the Cath Lab, it’s a different kind of code. Sometimes just stopping the procedure fixes the problem, sometimes ya gotta break out all the stops.

The aftermath of a V.Fib arrest in the Cath Lab.

The MD, Nurses, CVT’s, RCIS’s and RT’s were hard at work to save another life.

These medical folks are a special heroes in my book. Their specialized skills are learned mostly on the job and under the direction of their procedural physician.

As an RN, other than having some critical care experience and having ACLS, you really don’t learn this stuff in school. It’s all on the job.

When a patient codes in the Cath Lab, it’s a different kind of code. Sometimes just stopping the procedure fixes the problem, sometimes ya gotta break out all the stops.

I’ve been a foster parent for the last eight months.  In that time, I have witnessed “the system,” as many call it.  And I can tell you – the system isn’t necessarily broken, but the adults within it sometimes are…… Again, this is only my eighth month of caring for foster children, so do with this what you will. I’m going to be blunt.  I am not going to sugar coat anything.  Because we have the lives of children in our hands.  And if we fail, they fail.  I am fed up after a measly six months.  And there is something you can do to make sure others like me continue to foster children.

Bio Mom. Bio Mom needs professional help.  She needs mental health evaluations and counseling.  She needs drug counseling.  And she needs family counseling, so that her kid forms at least some kind of attachment with her.    She needs parenting classes, so her daughter isn’t returned to my partner and I with urine dripping down her leg, shit caked on her butt, and a piss poor excuse that she must have pooped on the ride home.  She needs a family support worker who isn’t her friend.  She needs a family support worker who tells it like it is.  She needs to be held accountable.  She needs to get over her fragile ego and learn that the world is not out to get her.  At the same time, she needs to learn that the world owes her nothing.  She needs to struggle and persevere.  She needs a good family support worker than can hold her hand along the way, but not do everything for her.  She needs to learn to grit her teeth when life sucks and she gets kicked out of her apartment.  And she needs to make the smart decision to go back to the mission because even though there might be bed bugs, at least there’s no cocaine. She needs to understand that I am not raising her children because I care about her.  I do not feel sorry for her.  My extent of caring about her is a profound hope that her children have a fighting chance in this world.  She needs to understand that I am not a glorified babysitter.  I am raising her children.  She needs to know that I am not trying to turn her children against her or take them away from her.  I am, however, helping them to establish a new normal where there are birthday parties and extracurricular activities and vacations and family get-togethers.  A new normal where we sit around the dinner table as often as possible to talk about our day. She needs to know this and learn this, so that if and hopefully when her children are returned to her, she can meet their new normal.

Family Support Worker. You play a key role as a visitation supervisor.  Your job is hard and there is probably a large turnover rate because people can’t hack it.  Your job is to supervise the visits and have a thick enough skin to correct bio mom whenever she needs to fulfill a task that she hasn’t done.  If bio mom doesn’t care that her kids get crap drinks with a truckload of sugar in them, it is your responsibility to redirect her.  You have to constantly think on your feet and you can’t be lazy.  Even though bio mom should be taking parenting classes, it is your responsibility to help her parent when she has visits with her children.  One thing I would love is if you established right away with her is that you will not tolerate complaining.  She can let you know of frustrations she might have, but she can’t complain about the world.  Hold her to a higher expectation than that.    Let her know right away that you guys aren’t friends.  Set boundaries and if she crosses them, hold her accountable.  You are not doing her any favors by holding her hand.  Eventually you need to let her go, so she can tread water and hopefully make progress.  Finally, you need to be a good communicator.  When you drop off and pick up the kids you need to discuss how the visit went with the foster parents.  Did the eat? How was their behavior? We want to know.

Case Worker aka Health and Human Services Worker aka HHS You are the most critical player on this team, so you better be up to the challenge.  If you aren’t, get out right now.  You have a job to do and you must hold everyone accountable.  You need to be a master communicator.  You need to follow through.  As a foster parent, I understand that you have a million other cases besides mine, but we are busy, working professionals too.  You have frustrated me the most.  You must follow through. You need to figure out what the best method of communication is and take it by the horns.  Text us.  Call us.  Visit us.  Whatever is easiest for you.  If you discover, after a DNA test, who the bio dad of one of my foster kids is, we better know about it.  If our foster kid is now going to start visiting his father, you better let us know.  Not communicating is not an option. You must set goal dates for bio mom, but if the day comes and goes and mom still hasn’t found a place to live, you better not rush the process.  Just because six months have gone by and bio mom is still on fully supervised visits, doesn’t mean you should rush the process.  Because guess what happens if you do – the kids will be returned to bio mom too early and end up right back where they started – as wards of the state.  There should be goals for bio mom and when she doesn’t meet them, there should be some kind of consequence….even if it is a discussion to get back on track.

Do not mistake our motives.  We do not want the children to remain in our custody forever.  We want to give them back!  It’s just that we want them to go to a stable home where they can be taken care of.  Loving the children and having high expectation for all adults involved, including ourselves, is something we will continue to do.  Even if you don’t think it’s a big deal that the children regularly return from visits with clothes so stained they can’t wear them again and dirty faces, it IS a big deal.  Especially when bio mom had the children removed from her care because of neglect.  When children are filthy and ridden with lice, it becomes a big deal when their clothes are stain and faces are dirty.  Why? Because even though it is small thing and you may see it as petty, it is still neglect.  

Don’t make excuses.  If you dropped the ball and forgot to contact a counselor about our kid, don’t make excuses.  Suck it up and just let us know.  We aren’t monsters.  We understand you are busy.  So are we!  We work 40 and 60 hours a week after becoming instant mothers.  Believe me – we understand what it means to be busy.  Please be real with us.  Don’t make excuses and don’t talk to us like we are stupid.   Before you reunite the children with their biological parent, you must answer one question.  If it was YOUR kids we were talking about, would you feel confident and comfortable with them raising your own children?  If the answer is a resounding no, then I would probably reevaluate whether or not reunification at the current time is in the child’s best interest.  

I FB stalked the bio family this week and am so discouraged. I think I’m tired and potentially overreacting. The relative placement has all sorts of strip clubs as the things she “likes” on her page. Could be worse. Bio parent has a bunch of racist memes that are openly using the n word. Boyfriend has soft core porn on his. Mom posted video of the BF wasted on her page. I know I’m being super judgmental and there are worse things in the world of foster care, but I guess I wonder if this is what’s public for anyone to view, what is actually happening behind closed doors.

The visitation agency tried to pull a fast one and increase visit time starting next week. I pushed back and said I didn’t have the authority to authorize that so they would need to wait until the worker returned. The visitation company then emailed our worker’s supervisor and told her I was being uncooperative. I explained exactly what I had said to the visitation people and the supervisor admitted that the company had lied to her too. Now it’s the weekend and no one has let us know where or what time the visit on Monday is.