"Welcome to the stars, little one"

I'm girl now :3

And just to clarify...

-I didn't name myself after Amber my Bokoblin OC, I just liked the name (turns out I liked it for a reason LMAO) and no this doesn't mean the Amber in my story was a girl. The RATC Amber is still it/its :)

-Cross' whole arc was 100% the catalyst (at least one of the many catalysts) jhlkasdfkhjkj TURNS OUT WRITING A TRANSFEM CHARACTER THAT I WAS REALLY NERVOUS WOULD BE RECIEVED WELL ONLY TO HEAR "omg this is such a good depiction" MADE ME THINK REALLY REALLY HARD ABOUT WHY CROSS' STORIES SPECIFICALLY HIT ME ON A PERSONAL LEVEL WHEN I WAS THE ONE WHO WROTE THEM AAAAAAAAAAAAA

I know I’ve sent like two asks already this week

Uhh

What does Valry look like again

Or where was she described in the fic

None of us can remember

Sorgy

Okay bye

Of course!

I will admit her descriptions have been......maybe not the most consistent ahsjdkflhas

what writing one ambillion words does to a girl

But here's the scene where she takes off her mask in front of Fortue:

It was the first time she had seen Valry’s face, despite how close they’ve been their whole lives. She was ghostly pale, with dark bags under her eyes - both likely from the recent lack of sleep. Her hair was frazzled, the usual ponytail barely holding together. Unlike the average Yiga her chin was rounded and undefined with thick bushy eyebrows. But what struck Fortue like a mace across her chest were the eyes. Only half of Valry had the distinct Yiga red irises. Her left side had a deep emerald green hue that burned with conviction. Even in her disheveled state, Fortue could still see the Valry that had always been there.

In short: straight and spaghetti thin hair (but easily disheveled and frazzled under stress), rounder face, perpetual tired-mode, pale as hell, thin build (mostly because of malnourishment).

Also I could have sworn I included it but didn't, but wanted to include a blurb that after around a week in the Gerudo jails, the very top of her scalp would show her natural sandy hair that was dyed over.

I personally think her heterochromia is especially significant, given her whole character arc, and the implication that she was the child of someone who was of ancient Yiga blood and someone born outside the Yiga clan and inducted in. (I don't care if this isn't how it works jhasdljhkf)

I am so torn between the heartbreak and grief and also appreciating what this chapter does on a technical level. Like……it hurt like hell……but it makes so much sense that it happened. god that moment just. broke everyone I think. Seeing a 10k chapter and the title just being Valry……..we knew it was gonna be bad but still…….ow. Her death was foreshadowed and absolutely something that a good reader could predict but you just can't help but close your eyes against the headlights of the semi truck of doom. Sighhhh……

It's a weird feeling because killing off someone who threatens the integrity of the Clan is absolutely something the Yiga Clan would do, and it makes so much sense in the narrative but……god. Betrayal. As you said in the author's note, it's Valry being failed by the Gerudo, by the Yiga, and by all these different individuals. Betrayal and failure from so many angles. And then it feels like it's a betrayal of her self. She gets these few moments of healing, of accepting what's happened, and then suddenly it's all ripped away. I think that's why it hurt so badly. She had so much possibility, and now it's just gone. All we can do is mourn who she could have been, and watch those who are left behind.

And then speaking of those left behind. I'm so upset (in a good way) over how Valry's whole arc was for Fortue. OW???? Amber "how many parallels can i draw to cindersparks" Dragonfly oh my goddddd you can't do this to meeeee…….and then there's the memory sword left over and the super vague implications of the Depths and Poes and all. I hope Fortue makes it out and can tell Valry's story. She deserves some kind of recognition after everything……The bit in the note about how she couldn't even bring herself to kiss the woman she loved…...I don't even know. I looked up the symbolism of albatrosses after reading her last name and they symbolize holding a social burden that feels like a curse, like what she felt knowing about Ganondorf. Theres so many layers to her tragedy.

Also, Loti's reaction. Loti is so interesting….I think she's gonna defect. The basis of her entire being and purpose have been cracked, and she is already so defiant to Harbinger………….my money's on her defecting in one way or another. I also feel like no one is focusing on the fact that the yiga KNOW WHERE THE MONSTERS ARE?????? WHAT THE HELL THAT'S SO MEAN TO DROP RIGHT AFTER ONE OF THE MOST TRAGIC DEATHS IN THE WHOLE STORY?????? AND THEN USE THAT TO REINFORCE HOW SHAKEN LOTI IS WHICH MAKES THE PERIL THE MONSTERS ARE IN SEEM EVEN WORSE?????? OH MY GOD

The last thing I wanted to say was that after reading this I listened to the song Sweet Death Of Me by Rabbitology and cried about it. Thinking about all the different doomed relationships and how they echo each other………Link and Zelda, Frifer and Rezek, Amber and the squad, (almost) Donovan and Wren, and now Valry and Fortue……..amber the mind animatic hurts so good. I'm also gonna listen to the song you posted about earlier as well after this. Gosh I'm gonna be spinning Valry and everything she could have been in my mind for a while. Chapter of all time.

HI AGAIN MAGZ HI

I am so torn between the heartbreak and grief and also appreciating what this chapter does on a technical level. Like……it hurt like hell……but it makes so much sense that it happened. god that moment just. broke everyone I think. Seeing a 10k chapter and the title just being Valry……..we knew it was gonna be bad but still…….ow. Her death was foreshadowed and absolutely something that a good reader could predict but you just can't help but close your eyes against the headlights of the semi truck of doom. Sighhhh……

YEAAA THANK YOU THOUGH,,,

When it comes to chapters like these I REALLY try to make every word count. I really do be putting my whole soul into these scenes, especially when it comes to a character death, because like.........I want it to be resonant both inside and outside the story. It's why I haven't been trigger-happy when killing off my characters because I want the deaths that do occur to have that *weight* to them. Where you can feel the mark their death will make and how it will cascade down the line. I want them to be just as devastating for me to write as it is for y'all to read,,,

(and yea......was it sure devastating for me to write.........broke everyone including me)

Like Kah's death hurt a lot, but the last BIG death of a major character was all the way back with Brine. Which is just...........yea it hurts real bad......

And mmhmm the foreshadowing was there. But again that's the true nature of tragedy. We see the writing on the wall early of the path the character's going down, but you have to tune it out and hope that somehow there will be a miracle to save them. Exactly, exactly,,,,,

It's a weird feeling because killing off someone who threatens the integrity of the Clan is absolutely something the Yiga Clan would do, and it makes so much sense in the narrative but……god. Betrayal. As you said in the author's note, it's Valry being failed by the Gerudo, by the Yiga, and by all these different individuals. Betrayal and failure from so many angles. And then it feels like it's a betrayal of her self. She gets these few moments of healing, of accepting what's happened, and then suddenly it's all ripped away. I think that's why it hurt so badly. She had so much possibility, and now it's just gone. All we can do is mourn who she could have been, and watch those who are left behind.

YEP FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK pain pain anguish,,,

It's expected betrayal, but at the same time you hope that the predictably cruel Yiga wouldn't stoop that low. Like they're so ruthless to defectors and those outside their circle that you hope they'd at least have SOME sympathy for those inside their clan that remain loyal.

AND THE BETRAYAL OF THE SELF YEA goddddddd

It hurts so much because with a character like Valry you want to see her healed so bad. And she made so much progress only to have it ripped away from her.

THE POSSIBILITY TOO AUUUUUGH

There's always a sacrifice to make as a writer when you decide to kill off a character, namely any potential they had to further impact the story and all of their growth they could make is just...gone. But that can be used to heighten a scene like this. Valry's death is in part so tragic BECAUSE she had such possibility to grow and be better, to escape the clan, to even rescue Fortue as well, to be more than what her clan forced her to be, but we'll never see that Valry now. A whole beautiful tree of branching possibilities, sawed off and burned.

I am, in fact, plagued by all that Valry could have been too.

And then speaking of those left behind. I'm so upset (in a good way) over how Valry's whole arc was for Fortue. OW???? Amber "how many parallels can i draw to cindersparks" Dragonfly oh my goddddd you can't do this to meeeee…….and then there's the memory sword left over and the super vague implications of the Depths and Poes and all. I hope Fortue makes it out and can tell Valry's story. She deserves some kind of recognition after everything……The bit in the note about how she couldn't even bring herself to kiss the woman she loved…...I don't even know. I looked up the symbolism of albatrosses after reading her last name and they symbolize holding a social burden that feels like a curse, like what she felt knowing about Ganondorf. Theres so many layers to her tragedy.

Yea..........yea........I'm really fucking evil sometimes........

From a metanarrative standpoint I find myself consumed by cindersparks so it only makes sense so many parallels would find themselves woven and inescapable through my work,,,,,,,

ohhhhgghhhhh,,,,,,frifer,,,,,,valry,,,,,,,,,

There's still a lotta loose threads with this whole subplot but there will be answers soon(maybe depending on how quickly I get through the next few other plot points elsewhere lol).

What REALLY hurts about Valry not bringing herself to kiss Fortue is that even in denying her it's still out of an immense love for Fortue. Valry sees it as a sacrifice of her own for Fortue's safety, even when no one's watching, because after their very first encounter Valry cannot let Fortue put herself in any position that may bring punishment. I really do like that I've never explicitly stated that the Yiga Clan is super duper homophobic, but with so many of the characters you can FEEL that oppression throughout the whole clan that it's still as blatant as day.

AND THE ALBATROSS SYMBOLISM GRAAAAAAHG

There's a reason I didn't reveal her last name until she was already dead. I wanted that final sting, that dread, that "oh it was so unbelievably fucked from the beginning" feeling.

There's also another layer in regards to those specific order of events, and albatrosses, but I'll just let that implication stew for now...

Also, Loti's reaction. Loti is so interesting….I think she's gonna defect. The basis of her entire being and purpose have been cracked, and she is already so defiant to Harbinger………….my money's on her defecting in one way or another. I also feel like no one is focusing on the fact that the yiga KNOW WHERE THE MONSTERS ARE?????? WHAT THE HELL THAT'S SO MEAN TO DROP RIGHT AFTER ONE OF THE MOST TRAGIC DEATHS IN THE WHOLE STORY?????? AND THEN USE THAT TO REINFORCE HOW SHAKEN LOTI IS WHICH MAKES THE PERIL THE MONSTERS ARE IN SEEM EVEN WORSE?????? OH MY GOD

We'll see with Loti, but as I said in asks/notes I REALLY wanted to highlight just how big her discrepancy is between her position and Harbinger's.

AND YEA GODDDDD THAT'S WHERE I WAS THE MOST EVIL IN THAT CHAPTER

It's like........all while we're crying over Valry the plot continues, it soldiers on relentlessly, the characters continue their lives, most unaware to the utter tragedy that unfolded.......pain.......

The last thing I wanted to say was that after reading this I listened to the song Sweet Death Of Me by Rabbitology and cried about it. Thinking about all the different doomed relationships and how they echo each other………Link and Zelda, Frifer and Rezek, Amber and the squad, (almost) Donovan and Wren, and now Valry and Fortue……..amber the mind animatic hurts so good. I'm also gonna listen to the song you posted about earlier as well after this. Gosh I'm gonna be spinning Valry and everything she could have been in my mind for a while. Chapter of all time.

Oh hell yea new Magz music recc let's give it a liste-

THE ALBUM ART IS ALREADY TEARING ME INTO ONE AMBILLION PIECES I CAN'T AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I SEE THE MIND ANIMATIC AOUGHHHHHHHH PAINNNNNNNNNNNNN

ALL OF THESE LYRICS.........THEY'RE SO FUCKING CINDERSPARKS THEY'RE SO VALRY AND FORTUE THEY'RE SO EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THEY ALL ECHO EACH OTHER, REMNANTS TO BE FOUND OF GRIEF AND LOSS AND STILL CHOOSING TO LOVE I'M ILL I'M ILLLLLLLLLL

This love may be cursed from the very beginning But a life without you’s not a life I’d like living

I'm punching drywall I'm sobbing I'm lying in a puddle of my own tears

Me at the end of this chapter: *oh okay then that works too i guess*

Oopsies.........

Yea I remember seeing your comment when that chapter came out and legit went

kjhajhdsfl

Like "ohhhhhh oh no, you're gonna be in for a bad surprise in a few chapters......."

But (imo) I think that's what really amplifies Valry's death.

Pretty much everyone else on the Buzzard/Gibdo/Defector side had a support network, multiple people that had their back and pulled them out of ruts, and especially in Day'lay's case still helped regardless of personal bad blood. With Dar'num I REALLY wanted him to live because I think it makes Dah'lay's whole monologue at the end hit that much harder. And because I think it's far more interesting for Mar'ska as well and all his survival but debilitation (and inevitable sacking of his position) means for her.

But then with Valry, she didn't have those networks, she didn't have a squad like Wren's. She had Fortue, but the sheer suppression and isolation surrounding them in turn kept their feelings and rebellious spirits suppressed in turn. She provides a very important duality to Wren's squad. Ironically it's their more "visible" discrepancies, all of their tendencies of sticking their head out or finding themselves unable to hide their true selves, that gets them put in this sort of "reject squad" that allows them to bond and eventually defect together.

It's why I particularly love the one scene with Donovan and Fortue.

“Look, I didn’t start the nickname, but I’m sorry I brought it up alright? I’d hate to ruin your day over this because Calamity knows mine has been pretty shit, myself.” Donovan went still, cocking his head to the side with genuine surprise. Slowly, he craned his neck to the adjacent rooms, looking for any kind of movement or presence of another person. Nothing. Him and Fortue were the only ones in here. “You’re not like the rest of them, are you?” he said, his voice back to the more airy high pitch that walked in, “You apologized. They never do, even when they’re wrong. They see that as a weakness.” It was Fortue’s turn to flinch, clasping her hands together and nervously drumming her right fingers on her left set of knuckles. “People like you and I don’t belong here. We’re not meant to last long. We’ll always be seen as outsiders to the rest of them, no matter how long we’ve lived and fought by their side. We’re the spirits the Yiga Clan is meant to break.”

Like god I could talk at length at the similarities between Donovan and Valry, how their devotion of their clan only exists as an extension of their devotion for Wren/Fortue instead and ohhhhhhhghhhhh,,,,,im fucking ill,,,,,,,,

ANYWAYS,,, I've been making a very special oc,,, so I will use the olden Klee technique of just asking you for some kind of unique word/s or whatever because I don't know what I'm doing,,, I dunno,,, some more robust sounding ice word or something,,, like when ice over a lake splits down the middle or an icicle breaks off an awning and shatters on the ground or something,,, I don't know I can't think clearly today HFKSKKD

fuckkk. Valry,,,

/JOKE

HI HARVEY good to hear you're better :)

but god still all I can think about rn is how even Loti was freaked out at what happened like she had everything so well thought out in her head that even she didn't know what the fuck to do for a hot minute when they killed Valry. and now she has to deal with knowing about everything by herself with no one and nowhere else to go to oooohh how long is she gonna last with all that knowledge ooohhh Amber I hate you sometimes [completely unserious I don't mean that JAKFJKS] but ooohhh you execute it so well. but fuck you anyways /jjj

YESSSSSSSSS I'm really glad I made the decision to completely blindside Loti, her legitimately thinking she had pulled a fast one on Harbinger and found out something she hadn't.

Like as much as Loti sucks in her own right I love showcasing how she's still small potatoes compared to the REAL assholes of the clan, namely Harbinger and Herrin. Like she obviously sucks but even in all her power-grabbing and cruelty she's still not allowed a spot at the table - namely due to Harbinger herself and her expectations. And you can see how much that fucks Loti up.

She's in that middle ground where she has enough leverage to enact her cruelty on those below her, but isn't told enough and isn't high enough on the ladder to see just how fake it all is.

She still believes the Yiga Clan is somewhat of a meritocracy and that those loyal and devoted enough are eventually rewarded. I love going back to her rallying speech in the chapter of the Rezek and Ire fight:

"Whose ancestors brought about the Great Calamity?! Which Clan brought Hyrule Kingdom to its knees?!" she said, standing up as tall as she could muster, "Who has risen higher in fame and infamy than our wretched roots of the Sheikah! It was us! It was our great and glorious Master Kohga! And are we gonna tell him we ran away from certain victory?! When it was in the palm of our hands and we simply had to grasp it as hard as we could?!" "NO!!!" Loti's squad again shouted loudly. They were getting ruled up, jumpy, ready to dive back into the fray head-first. "Then we will fight! To our very last breath!" she shouted, raising her sickle up high, "For what purpose do we have to the Yiga Clan if not to bring it up higher than any of us could climb by ourselves - even if our own bodies bend and break on the way! The Yiga Clan only dies until the very last one goes down! Glory to Master Kohga!"

She still has a warped "survival of the fittest" vibe going, but at the same time is genuinely this devoted to her clan - shown as much when she fights alongside them rather than sticking to the backlines whenever advantageous. She was a Commander before being thrust into the position of leading the Grand Hideout skeleton crew, so she very much has that mindset when it came to Valry.

AND YEA NOW SHE'S STUCK WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HER CLAN IS JUST ACCEPTING THAT GANONDORF DEFECTED FROM THEM AND THEIR WHOLE GRAND GOAL IS KINDA KAPUT AND IT DOESN'T MATTER TO KOHGA AND HARBINGER, AND LOTI HAS TO TRY AND STAY AS DEVOTED AS SHE ONCE WAS KNOWING ALL THIS GRAHHHHHH

How long will she last indeed...

Which is why I LOVE how she essentially "covers" for Fortue entirely out of spite for Harbinger. Now that the facade has been broken right in front of her face, her motivation is completely sapped, and has that very subtle "should I tell my superior about this woman that was obviously Valry's only real friend?" and then everything in the last few minutes falls on her and she goes "nah. fuck it." - like spurred on even more by the prospect of ACTUALLY knowing something Harbinger doesn't.

Then compounded by the moment of Kohga and Harbinger being so callous with the loves of the Yiga from the other outposts, essentially using them as bait.

BUT YEAH THANK YOUUUU yea it hurts and I need to be exploded™ but I'm really happy with how I wrote those specific moments aough,,,

ANYWAYS,,, I've been making a very special oc,,, so I will use the olden Klee technique of just asking you for some kind of unique word/s or whatever because I don't know what I'm doing,,, I dunno,,, some more robust sounding ice word or something,,, like when ice over a lake splits down the middle or an icicle breaks off an awning and shatters on the ground or something,,, I don't know I can't think clearly today HFKSKKD

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM okay okay lemme think

See this is interesting because I think from a monster-perspective, "shatter" would essentially be "breaking of ice" or something similar in their language - as that'd be the most likely context in which to use shatter.

So we have ice = vice in Malician from the Hylian cognate and needing a "sharper" sound for ice than snow.

We have stin = splinter (or splitting apart into many)

So Vicestin would be a simple combination that could be used as either a name or just a general term for cracks along the ice. Essentially being splintering of the ice.

Also we have karsh = break (specifically in a violent context) so a shattering of ice could be Karvice or something similar (which also works as a coincidental cognate to Hylian of 'carve ice' aheehee)

I think those both sound pretty robust :3

ANYWAYS EXCITED TO SEE WHAT YOU'RE COOKING WITH OCS 👁

EHEHEHE

fuckkk. Valry,,, /JOKE

I'M DYING AT THE SPONGEBOB IMAGE KJASDKFJADSJK

Same energy as:

If you have 20 spare minutes PLEASE listen to Dogs by Pink Floyd it's legit life-changing music (or if you have 40 just listen to all of their album Animals lmao)

Just......make sure you're in a good headspace first because once you hear the lyrics.......you'll understand...

Anyways rambling about the lyrics below the cut because there's so much to talk about with how I tie this song to this crucial arc in my fic:

Uhh to further express how thoroughly this chapter fucked me up

Congratulations you have caused my first ever “first stage of grief denial/coping over a character” in a fandom ever

(Again any words of negativity said towards you are just exaggerations and satirical words brought forth by emotion and hold no actual bearing towards your or my opinion of you.)

(yes crucified ash ketchum is an emote in our group chat do not ask)

Omg hello again Chicken hi

Congratulations you have caused my first ever “first stage of grief denial/coping over a character” in a fandom ever (Again any words of negativity said towards you are just exaggerations and satirical words brought forth by emotion and hold no actual bearing towards your or my opinion of you.)

Putting the accolade on the wall while also sobbing and crying jkasdflhkj

I do understand tho I've had this exact kind of crashout with other series LMAO

It's like when something bad happens to your fave and the most common phrase is "*creator name*, when I catch you"

Sometimes a story has you wanna metaphorically explode the author kjhladskfjh

ALL I WILL SAY IS YOU GOTTA LET ME COOK I PROMISE IT'S ALL GOING SOMEWHERE

Not for next chapter at least since I still have some scenes to write back in Akkala and elsewhere before returning to the Grand Hideout

BUT PUH-LEEEEASE I PROMMY WHATEVER COMES NEXT IS GONNA GO CRAZY

(yes crucified ash ketchum is an emote in our group chat do not ask)

hjkfadsljkhasdkjhlf

yea,,,,,,,,,,

I can't help myself,,,,,,,,,,,,

It's my equivalent of listening to angsty and sad music when I'm already in a poor emotional state...

which........I'm already guilty of doing way too much........

In hindsight it was pretty obvious it was gonna happen I think

Yea..........

I didn't wanna forebode to it to much, but........

Yep this was the plan all along.......

As much as it hurt.....

But that's the nature of tragedy...........

Where going along you have that gut feeling that they're not making it.......

But you have to hope that THIS time will be different.......

God, you need it to be different this time.........

You need to believe all the foreshadowing is just a red herring for the sake of your heart......

Even when you're the writer of these characters, you want to hope you'll suddenly find something hidden in your own text that might save them.....

pain..........

I talked about it in Chicken's ask, but the title simply being "Valry" is both the first and last nail of the coffin.

From the start you just KNOW how it will go but you have to believe it'll be different right up until the very last moments.

Really, it's why I particularly love Orpheus and Eurydice and all the adaptations of them........

Every time you go "SURELY he won't turn around SURELY it'll be different this time he won't turn around he won't he won't he won't"

And then he turns around.........

It's how the tragedy gets ya,,,

I do think my favorite bit of setup regarding Valry is Harbinger's dialogue calling back to Ganondorf's monologue

“She was insignificant to the clan! A lone girl of the records that stepped in water too deep!"

“In my mortal days, when I was younger, taught by my vabas on the ways of the world, I visited the millhouses of Hyrule. A budding king had to learn how every process of the land functioned if he was to truly recognize his role, no? There, I saw a lone rat scavenging for grain in-between the immobile stone gears that turned the grinding slabs. When the work for the day began, the walls roared to life and the rat was destroyed without a second thought, and without warning.” To make his point succinct, Ganondorf picked up a large stone from the ground and crushed it to dust with only his fingers. A larger speck hit Valry in the cheek. “The rat had no idea what those gears meant, what their function was, what the shelter they took refuge in was made for, that at any point the ground they stood on could whirr to life and effortlessly end their tiny existence. They skitter obliviously across the pending danger because they cannot possibly comprehend it.” His golden eyes stared her down, but she couldn’t look away. The bars in between them felt about as useful as bed covers from keeping this man at bay. “And yet, would anyone be surprised? No. This rat, in the blink of an eye, faced forces far beyond anything its nature had prepared it for, was needlessly killed, ground under the feet of giants beyond recognition, and yet we shrug our shoulders and say ‘a rat got caught in the gears’.”

Which then parallels to all the ways Valry was just..........callously tossed aside and failed by all the systems that should've protected her...

Ohhhhh it fucking HURTSSSSSSSSSS

IFUCK ILFNGNGBZUJSNS

I HATTETWEEE YOUUUUUU

GRGDGAHGSGSGAGAGGAGA

I FUCKING KNEW YOU WOULD THE INSTANT THAT FUCKASS TITLE WAA JUST HER NAME I

GODDDDDDD

YOURE FUCKING EVIL HOW COULD YOI DO THIS TO MEEEEEE

LIE LIES

EVIL AMBER IS THE ONLY AMBER THAT COULD HAVE WROTE THIS YOU FUCKING EVILL WITCH

GRGRGAGGAGAGAGAGAHAGGA

THE INSTANT

I SAW RJE CINDERSPAEKS PARALLELS

I JUST WENT

SHES NOT GONNA DO IT AGAIN RIGHT

THE

I FUCKING HATEE YOUUUU

SHES ALIVE

SHES ALIVE

SHE HAS TO BE ALIVE

IM BURNING YOU AT THE STAKE IF SHES DEAD

DOOMED YURI

I CANT FUCKING

GRGRGAGAGAGAHAHAAA

GNASHIMG MY TEETH LIKE A WILD FUCKING BEAST

IM SO FUCKING

GGGGAGAGAGAGAGAAAAAAAA

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATEEEEE

IM KILLING YOU IM KILLING YOU IM

anyway this was a good chapter I don’t really hate you bye

I wish I had the energy atm to be all heehoo bugs bunny gremlin back like I usually do but hjkasdjhlkflkjh this is still killing me Chicken lmaoooo thank you for this 💙

I still got a big dumb smile on face from this so don't worry aheehee :3

I FUCKING KNEW YOU WOULD THE INSTANT THAT FUCKASS TITLE WAA JUST HER NAME I GODDDDDDD YOURE FUCKING EVIL HOW COULD YOI DO THIS TO MEEEEEE

Yea..........I'm an evil evil evil evil writer.........

It actually took me a while to figure out what to name this chapter. At first I was trying to do something like my usual naming conventions but nothing seemed to stick. But then I realized since the whole chapter's an encapsulation of Valry's entire person from beginning to end, that it'd be fitting to just name the chapter that.

When I put it on the page that was legit all I wrote that day. Just "Valry" in 13-size font Arial in the center of page and I knew what the chapter would do to me and everyone :aie:

It's just so..........absolute. Like you see the title as nothing but her name and you just KNOW.

LIE LIES EVIL AMBER IS THE ONLY AMBER THAT COULD HAVE WROTE THIS YOU FUCKING EVILL WITCH GRGRGAGGAGAGAGAGAHAGGA

jkhadsfjkhHLKJASDLKJHAS

okay okay lemme explain,,,,,,

Evil Amber drafted it all cackling maniacally like a witch. Good Amber was forced to actually write it jhkadsljhkf

Unironically how my process goes tbh,,,

When you're drafting plot points it all feels so much more...separated from the story. So you can rub your hands together and go heeheehoohoo and laugh like a supervillain over all these heart-wrenching moments.

And then you gotta write it, and that's when your words TRULY become real and a part of the world you created. And that's when the anguish begins lajhksdfjhlk

THE INSTANT I SAW RJE CINDERSPAEKS PARALLELS I JUST WENT SHES NOT GONNA DO IT AGAIN RIGHT

:)

I do like my own major changes to make it merely parallel Cindersparks than be a blanket "What's New Pussycat" of Cindersparks.

Especially when it comes to how much Valry and Fortue open up to each other...or rather how little. Where Rezek and Frifer could at least confide in each other and recognize their love in private, Valry and Fortue couldn't even bring themselves to do that,,,,,

Just.........Fortue being the more happy and carefree and empathetic one but losing her spark on ALL of that and settling into her position of mediocrity and routine

And then Valry being the one convinced on keeping hers and Fortue's true self hidden as a means of "protecting" both of them, going so far as to manipulate documents so the whole "well we might get posted elsewhere!" never happens

aouuuugh,,,,,,painnnnnnnn,,,

I FUCKING HATEE YOUUUU SHES ALIVE SHES ALIVE SHE HAS TO BE ALIVE IM BURNING YOU AT THE STAKE IF SHES DEAD DOOMED YURI I CANT FUCKING GRGRGAGAGAGAHAHAAA GNASHIMG MY TEETH LIKE A WILD FUCKING BEAST IM SO FUCKING GGGGAGAGAGAGAGAAAAAAAA HATE HATE HATE HATE HATEEEEE IM KILLING YOU IM KILLING YOU IM

Doomed yuri,,,,,,,,,,,,

The true secret sauce to doomed yuri is to make their relationship kinda cooked even without the whole tragedy surrounding them,,,,

kjhasdfkjl literally you right now

anyway this was a good chapter I don’t really hate you bye

Thank you Chicken 💙💙💙

I completely understand jhkasfdlkhj

that's literally all i have to say

fuck

yea,,,,,

I'm sorry harvey...

it fuckin hurtsssssssss...

I was serious when I said I lost sleep over this chapter...

Like after all the build up to finally get here I couldn't help but go "fuck, man...do I gotta..."

Really, it was writing the flashback scenes that broke me...

All the recontextualization of Valry and Fortue, of the little comfort they found in each other however fleeting, what they were so close to being...