How Saying "No" Makes me a Better Slave
One of the protocols my Master and I have in place is a protocol on how to answer questions correctly. If he asks me a direct question, I provide him with one of four answers: yes, no, I don’t know, or I prefer not to say.
I struggled with this at first. I was so used to answers like, “okay,” “sure,” “of course,” “if you want,” and “it’s up to you.” I didn’t quite understand it at first, but now I know that he was training me in developing agency.
The option of “I don’t know” can only be used when I genuinely don’t know the answer. I wouldn’t use that to answer a simple yes/no question, or one that asks about my desires.
Telling my Master that I prefer not to say when he asks me a question is a fun and interesting one. I tend to use this if we are either teaching a class or with friend who know our dynamic and he asks me a question that I find embarrassing. He reserves the right to either ask me for more clarification, or insist that I answer (or say no).
For us, saying no is a cherished and celebrated thing. This doesn’t mean that I say no whenever I don’t want to do something, but it means that I say no if I think that the request will a cause significant negative impact on my mental, emotional, or physical well-being. When I say no, he tells me that I am a good girl.
Having a strong no that I can use in our relationship builds the trust that I know myself well enough to stop before things become too much. This is a benefit for me as well as for him. It provides safety and boundaries in our relationship. He knows that I won’t say yes to anything just to please him.
Now that I have a strong no, it makes my YES that much stronger. It means that I fully own and accept my desires. And, on the fun side, it means that when I say yes, he knows I mean it strongly enough that he can choose to make me beg for what I want.
This simple protocol has had a massive positive impact on my life. I completely own both what I want and what I don’t want. While there are still times when I slip up, especially in using “okay” instead of “yes,” this has been a major development tool that I generally extend to other areas of my life.
Having a strong “no” means that I can say it to anyone, regardless of their relationship with me, and no longer feel guilty for wanting to please someone. It has allowed me to carefully assess my boundaries, evaluate the request, and provide an answer that feels good to me. This applies to everyone in my life, including my mother, siblings, friends, co-workers, etc.
In our dynamic, there is a time and a place for no. I know this is a hot topic, especially in Master/slave relationships, and I wanted to share how learning how to say no has made me a better slave.
This all goes back to serving my Master. If I am taking care of myself, I am taking care of his property and owning my commitment to him. I know myself and my own boundaries enough to put my own well-being first and never feel pressure to say yes to something with which I am not comfortable. When I establish strong and safe boundaries that feel good and put my self-care first, I am the best slave I can possibly be– even if that means that I say no.
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