To Perceive is to Suffer

Part of Anna always thought that they put the two of them together as roommates was because of Anna’s ability - it would allow Amalia to have some peace of mind without the emotions constantly hitting her and as such, Anna always tried to be level headed or happy around Amalia. Except when Charlie was either on a mission or in Project Play. It shook Anna to the bones and she wanted nothing more than to be beside him if something happened - her worst fear was being left alone. Because of that, she didn’t want her friends to be alone, either. “I Know, I know… The arena, too — I know Charlie remembers everything I’ve taught him so I hope he knows he can hack into the system… but… I can’t help but worry. Do you see Corrine out there? I just don’t want anyone to get hurt…” Mumbling to herself, she lets out a breath of frustration and rolls over onto her bed and places her face on the Stormtrooper pillow head that Charlie gave during their first year as friends. “It’s not fair… we get bullied day in and day out in these halls and then they put us in there to get hurt even more. Why? I don’t understand it. Why? We’re all trying our best and yet our best can’t be good enough for the headmaster…” Her voice was low, knowing that if the wrong person heard what she was saying, she’d get in trouble. But Anna had decided that she could trust Amalia and she came to view her as a friend, a confidante. Pulling herself up on the bed, she sits at the edge and dangles her feet onto the ground. “They’re in some virtual reality,” Anna notes, pointing at the screen. “I’d just have to find where they have them and what system they have… If it’s something like the virtual training like we have in our training facility, I can easily hack my way into there as one of those… ‘Programs’. If it’s another way and there’s some computer, I can input my consciousness - computer brain - into there and I could be able to see all the codes that are going through…” Biting down on her lip, she let out a breath of air. “I just want to help him…”

He's a legacy, Anna. (Amalia begins speaking again, this time taking her glasses off and down on the table beside her, rubbing her temples.) Not just any legacy, either. The Crowes are some of the most prominent there is. St Mary's would never allow anything serious to happen to him - and, if somehow something went wrong, he has the world's best healthcare on standby. Not to mention projects with the ability to heal others. It's natural to worry, I know it is. But you just need to remember - he's going to be okay. (She had no idea how to cheer the girl up. But, what was the one thing Anna liked to do? Eat. Opening up a drawer of her computer desk, she scurries around for a bit until she finds a chocolate bar she'd bought a little while ago. Standing up, she moves over to where Anna was lying with her pillow. She holds out the bar to her, a soft smile on her face.) Poor subsititue, I know. But... it has oreos in it? (She sits on the end of Anna's bed with a small sigh, folding her hands at her lap.) Because you're right. Nothing is ever good enough for him. So, we just have to keep surviving. One day it'll all be over. (Amalia nods along with Anna, sitting to her side. She knows she could probably do it - but she doesn't want to encourage her too much. What if something happened? What if she got hurt? At her last sentence and the sadness in it, though, Amalia bites her lip. Slowly, she reaches up and places a hand on Anna's arm, giving it a comforting rub. It may not seem like much, yet from Amalia, who made a point of avoiding touching everyone, it was a big step.) If you want to do it, let me help you. Or, at least, get someone to help you. But, you just have to think, Anna, would he want you putting yourself at risk like that? Would you want him doing that if the roles were reversed?

"No no no."

(Amalia purposefully kept her gaze away from the screen showcasing Project Play, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she worked on a Chemistry assignment. Had she had it her way, the screen would have been turned off hours ago, but knowing how much Charles meant to Anna, she couldn't possibly make that request. She'd looked up with concern when Anna had begun pacing, yet after a while she'd decided the girl needed some space to breathe, and so kept quiet. It's only when she picks up with her threats that Amalia raises an eyebrow, looking up fully from her work.) He'll be okay, Anna. He'd one of the best projects in St Mary's, and he's not on his own like some of the others. He's smart. He's got a good chance. (She tries to calm the other girl down, but she knows it's unlikely to help. Had it been Lottie on the screen, she knew rationale or logic wouldn't calm her down either. In fact, the whole building seemed to be alive with panic and excitement since the Play had begun. Their room was usually a place of solace from the head ache such lively emotions caused, but even Anna's feelings were beginning to creep against her, despite the fact her S Gene usually protected her.) And who will you hurt? If you get yourself in trouble, you'll only hurt Charles more. If he cares for you as I suspect, he'd want you safe. We have no choice but to just wait. It's the only thing you can do. (She smiles softly, an attempt at being comforting rather than the stern disposition she usually showed the world. However, her next question does cause a look of curiosity to spread onto her features. It would be interesting to find out. But, Anna couldn't - what if she got into trouble with Hearst?) Maybe, Anna, but... if anyone found out. Or if it went wrong, somehow. You could seriously hurt yourself. Or, someone inside the Arena if you lost control. And that's not even mentioning what Hearst would do if he found out...

"I’m not even trying to listen to you,” he muttered with an eye roll. Furrowing his brows together, he turned his gaze over towards her and nodded his head. “I have quite the presence, don’t I? Zachariah Zimmerman, presence extraordinaire.” With a slight chuckle, he gave her a light smile which was only seen around a handful of people. But Zachariah told himself he should immerse himself more into knowing the other projects instead of sticking to the ones he knew. “What?” Raising a brow, he turned his head to the computer and then licked his lips. “I’ll have you know I’m one of the top Projects at St. Mary’s, as much as they don’t want to acknowledge it because I come from a no-name family. I excel at everything because I don’t let myself dwindle to be less…" Squaring his shoulders he flashed her a grin before his gaze moved to the computer screen. "… What was I doing wrong?"

Whatever you say. (She retorts with a smirk, though at his next comment she raises her eyebrows at him. Rolling her eyes, she shakes her head at him.) Oh, yes. You must have been working on it, along with that ego of yours. Very impressive. (She watches him, unconvinced as he begins his ramble, though the smirk quickly returns along with a quiet laugh when it's clear he's joking. Swivelling her chair around, she pushes herself in front of his computer and tilts her head to either side before locking her eyes on the screen.) It's simple, really. Just tap this... And click that... And... (She types quickly, biting her lip as she works until finally she hits the enter button, looking over at Zach a second after.) I may not excel at everything like the mighty Zimmerman, but I can computer. (She nods before she quickly pushes herself back to her desk before her power can begin creeping in.)

Not anytime soon, no. (She shows a tiny smirk though it's soon to fade away, her eyebrows raising as she looks over at Serena. She shakes her head quickly.) No. I don't dance. I merely... Stood at the centre of the dance floor. That's all. (She tilts her head to one side.) You've been drinking. Wonderful. (She nods with a small smile, folding her hands together at the desk.) Just a little. I suppose that was the point of Project Play, though - show off our fears and showcase them. Say what you will about this place, but they have a great eye for entertainment. (Her voice is evidently sarcastic, though at her next comment she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear.) Yes, well, apparently the pride is deserved, from what I hear of some of St Mary's so called gentlemen. Well, um...thank you, I suppose. Natural, correct.

When the two of them had first been roommates, Amalia would only mutter words to her and Anna would sulk in the corner of their dorm room away from her. But as time progressed and Anna changed, she came to talk to her more. She believed it was the information she got for Amalia that changed their relationship for the better, however. “Yes! He controls the water. Very cool. Manipulators amaze me. But yes! He has amazing taste. He’s my friend, so that’s got to be worth something.” Chuckling to herself, she sits on the floor next to Amalia and criss-cross-applesauce’s her legs together and puts her back in the middle. Pulling out a small container of pasta Arya had showed her how to make, she held her arms out to her roommate. “I made you some pasta,” she said with a smile, lifting herself a bit off the ground to slide onto the table. “Ohh! I should totally do that. Input into his robots too, so that when Charlie tries to do something, they start playing and dancing to the song instead. I like this idea, Amalia! You’re an evil genius!”

(She shows a small smile in response to Anna's enthusiasm, nodding her head in agreement.) It's a great power, most certainly. I'm sure many are envious of him. If he's your friend I trust he must be a nice person, you seem to have a good judgement with that. (She shuts off the computer, breathing out a small sigh as she rubs her tired eyes. Ever since her sister had been sent to hospital, she'd had difficulty sleeping with the worry.) Speaking of people, I don't suppose you know of a Theodore around here? (Anna probably had a better knowledge of the school's students compared to Amalia, who went blatantly out of her way to avoid most people. Opening her eyes when she held out the pasta, she raises her eyebrows in surprise.) For me? (She pulls the container open, looking inside then back to Anna with a smile.) It smells really good, Anna. You must be a good chef. (She nods her head, laughing quietly.) An excellent idea. You could drive him crazy, until he's begging for mercy. Why thank you, I hold that title rather proudly.

Zachariah had been sitting there for a while, staring at the screen as he was trying to figure out how to build what he wanted to. The easy answer would have been to ask Charles for help, but he refused to stoop to ask Crowe to do it for him. Cracking his neck, his gaze moved towards the other occupant in the room. “You’re loud,” he muttered with slight irritation, turning the screen over as he stretched backwards on his chair. “Did you forget there are other people in the room… Strauss, right? Amalia? I’m Zachariah Zimmerman.”

I'm not loud, you listen too much. (She replies sarcastically, though the slight blush gives away her sign of embarrassment as she quickly pulls the headphones from her ears.) How could I forget when I have the likes of you in my presence, Zimmerman? But, yes, you are correct. Amalia Strauss. (She looks away from her own computer screen for a moment, nodding her head in the direction of his computer with a small smirk on her face.) You know you were doing it wrong, right?

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips as her head leaned to the side, listening to her roommate sing. She’d meant to turn around and walk back out to not disturb her, but it seemed like everyone was singing that song now and it made her chuckle. Mid-chuckle, Amalia turned around Anna’s eyes go wide. “I— uh. Nothing. I just… wanted… to say hi!” Pressing her lips together, her brows raised and she shook her head. “No, it’s just that — Patrick was singing that song the other day. Everyone really likes that song, huh? I should ask Charlie if he likes it too…”

(Amalia tugs the headphones from her ears, though as much as she tried to keep her face blank there was a small smile trying to break through. She reminded her of Lottie, as much as she refused to accept it.) I see. Well, hello, Arianna. I see you're busy. (She raises an eyebrow, mainly because she has very little idea who these people are.) Patrick? The water manipulator, correct? Patrick must have good taste. (She smirks subtly, finishing off a sentence before finally putting her pen down.) Crowe? Perhaps you should. And, if he doesn't, you hack into his tech lab and make all the computers play it until he changes his mind. Sound good?

A seizure, yes. But there's no head wounds, as far as I'm aware. Unless the doctors haven't informed me of them. (Amalia nods solemnly, there were several rather unethical things she would enjoy doing to those men, but since she wasn't supposed to be here in the first place, she thought better than to create a scene. She could save it for later, when no one would suspect her.) They're here. They're in rooms down the hall, though yet to wake, I think. (Her eyebrows raise at the mention of a Theo, a look of curiousity forming on her face. Shuffling a little closer, Amalia shakes her head, watching her closely.) No Theo here. Nobody has mentioned anyone else at the scene. Who is he?

...

(Amalia hadn't wanted to fall asleep, though she'd been fighting drowsiness for hours by now. Her eyes had just fluttered shut when she hears the small voice of her little sister awakening, and she quickly becomes alert, suddenly sitting straight up in her seat.) Lottie? It's okay, you're okay. (She manages a smile, though it's faint and strained and riddled with worry. Quickly replaced with her usual frown, though she does lean forward and hesitantly place a hand atop of Lottie's.) I've spoken to the doctors, but they say you should be fine. You had a seizure, but you're recovering. The other people who were picked up, too, had the same issues. The doctors have never seen anything like it. (She shakes her head slowly, wanting to ask questions. Something must have happened, something more than a stroll along the street. But, her prying would wait until Lottie was better, what was important was that she rested.) Just try to stay calm, though. You need your rest, Lottie.

{Laid on the bed, Charlotte stares at the ceiling, trying to convince herself that she is not afraid. No matter how much of a brave face she puts on, her decoy is ruined by the monitor showing the quickening beating of her heart.} Y-Yeah. I’m ready. {She assures with a nod, closing her eyes and bracing herself, but as Amalia speaks, they open again.} It won’t be like last time? Promise? {She asks feebly, recalling how sick the last serum had made her. It had not served her well.}

It'll be okay, alright? I promise. Nothing bad will happen this time. I've been slaving away for months in that lab to make sure this is perfectly fine and healthy, just for you. This is just another step towards where we want to be. (She places her hand on Lottie's, giving it a comforting squeeze before getting the syringe into position. She balances the needle on her sister's skin, looking Lottie in the eye with a confident nod.) Its time. Take a deep breath. Three, two, one... (And with that Amalia pushes the injection into the surface of Lottie's forearm, quickly pushing the liquid into her and removing the needle into a hazardous waste bin when she's done. She's had hundreds of chances to practise this technique by now, though for the most part not on Lottie - on test subjects. Amalia didn't like to think of the awful things that had resulted from testings of serums that were still in the process of being fully created; it most certainly wasn't pretty, but it was worth it for her sister. She has a cotton wool ball ready, putting a little pressure on the tiny wound with it to clean any blood.) See? Nothing to it.

{Lottie quietly shuts the door behind her sister and returns to the bed, sitting at the foot of it sit her legs crossed, eyes trained on Amalia. She gives what she hopes is a reassuring smile.} Of course not, Mallie. Whatever you think you need to apologize for, I assure you, you’re forgiven. I’d never be upset with you. {She listens quietly, lips pursing.} I understand. You want to protect me. A-And I really appreciate it. I do! It’s just…I’m trying to look out for you, too, Mallie. You’re my sister. But you’re making it hard for me to be here for you. {She says, then frowns.} What? Mallie, nobody’s tried to hurt me. I’ve got friends here. In fact, I — {She pauses, stops. At one time, she would’ve babbled to her sister all about her budding crush. But not now.} I-I’ve had…some fun. But I’d be better with you alongside me and we both know that. {Lottie looks weighed down, now, feeling tired and worn out.} Why do we keep apologizing to each other instead of making things right? Going back home? Mummy is sick without us, Mallie. And I’m scared. Why can’t we just make things right?

You always saw the best in me, Lottie. Perhaps... perhaps you shouldn't. (Amalia sighs, glancing down at her hands before she looks up at her sister again. She feels guilty, that's clear in her expression, watching the younger girl with sad eyes.) I Know. But you can't help me, you can't. The best way to help me is to go home. To keep yourself safe. Even me just being ehre, it may be putting you in danger. I can't let you get hurt. (Amalia nods her head.) I know. But you have friends at home, too. People who will be missing you. (She shakes her head quickly, placing her hands in her pockets.) She needs you, not me. I have no choice, Lottie. If I could leave with you, I would. But I can't. It's not possible. I wish I could explain, but I can't. You just need to trust me.

{The last month has been madness for Lottie. She’d briefly returned to Germany in order to help their mother. Though it had not been an easy decision, and she’d been urged to do things perhaps a bit more extreme, she’d contacted an agency and they’d gotten a nurse to stay with her mother full time. Lottie still isn’t sure that it’s enough, but she knows she also can’t give up on her sister. But their time has grown shorter. Lottie doesn’t know what will happen to her mother. She’ll admit that it’s rather frightening. For now, though, she has other things in mind. She is in a hotel room once again, but it’s simpler: a small inn rather than the grandeur suite of her first visit. She doesn’t mind it. She’s only just unpacked her bags and is perched on her bed, combing her hair, when a knock sounds on her door. Lottie frowns.} Wasn’t expecting a visitor… {She mutters, looking down at her pink t shirt and polka dot pajama pants. Sighing, she walks over to the door and pauses.} Mallie? {Her tone is a bit timid, hesitant. She doesn’t greet her sister with the same enthusiasm anymore.} I…Of course you don’t need to apologize. You never need to apologize… P-Please. Come in.

(Watching the timid girl before her, there are few similarities to her bubbly, bright greeting that she had first given her when theywere reunited. Amalia can't help the slight guilt, but she refuses to think about it, instead just moving inside the room with her hands clasped together.) I do. I do, Charlotte.. Lottie. (She sighs, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, her eyes focused on the window at the end of the room rather than on her sister.) I shouldn't have demanded you to do anything. You're a young woman now, not a little girl, you can make your own decisions. I see that. But you must know, I was only looking out for you. (She swallows, turning away.) You're not safe here, there are people that may.. that may hurt you, okay? I can't watch you get hurt. (She didn't want to scare her, but she was trying to be as honest as possible without telling her too much.)