Three: AM

I forgot I had analytics for this site so I know only 8 people have seen it the last few months. Feels like a safe place now. Today is my birthday , I'm alone in a corner of a bar thinking about how much my life has changed In the last two weeks. Sunglasses help hide whats swirling in my head. Until they cant and I retreat to a bathroom stall, dry off order another beer to try and fit in. Makes me realize how anonymous i am or how indifferent the world can be to my presence. At one point that anonymity was exciting but now it's lonely. Gone is the excitement of a life's blank slate. Replaced with a haze of uncertainty and self doubt. I defined so much of my self-worth and my success by my love of another. When you lose a North star you just float, a horizon in every direction with nothing but water. I feel homeless, futureless, identityless. For years a "we" now an I.