alessia watson;

“ any size’a fuck you was definitely gonna make this a difficult talk ta’ have, but m’at least glad there’ll be none’a that. i just want what’s best for him, y’know? he probably doesn’t want me to go around n’ talk ta’ you about all this, but i needed to hear it for m’self. so … what is it exactly you’re wantin’ from him? i mean, you hurt him pretty bad the first time around. ”

starter for @alvssias !

“ i promise i’m not meanin’ to pry, i’m just tryin’ to … understand. ”

words were always owen’s forte but at this moment they seemed to all be escaping him. the professor did not know if there was anything left to say about t h e m. she had explained herself, and he had revealed how he felt. but nothing ever seemed to make their mess evolve. talking it out made everything more confusing to him rather than CLEARER. as if there was no s o l u t i o n to their problem, as if they were stuck in this indefinite time in their relationship. for her he wrote letters, for her he would have written all the poems, but now because of her he was muted. the QUIET one — — a title that always seemed to fit him, NOW better than ever before. but while being quiet he had hoped, hoped that she would break the silence that had been created a year before and somehow find a way to make him FORGIVE. he did not know w h a t, he was not even sure that was possible, but he wanted this to happen more than anything. 

‘ That… Is yet to be seen… ’ He grits his teeth and turns back towards the garage door, laughing as he returns his gaze back to the woman. ‘ Uh, science club, mathletes, a young inventors initiative, I helped with the yearbook a little too, was on the badminton team, obviously that’s all OVER now though because highschool doesn’t last forever, no matter how much some people want it to, so this is just for fun. ’

‘ If you’re stupid enough to be fooled by some pieces of paper with tacky paragraphs written inside then you deserve to feel like crap. ’

“ i don’t see how it’s possible to be friends with someone you are in love with. that’s why i can’t be friends with you alessia. if i wasn’t…i would probably say yes. ”

The teen stood up so abruptly he thwacked his head nicely upon his hanging garage door, a loud yell sounding from his lips as he looked at her with a sheepish grin. “ Yeah! Yeah, solar panels––––– –– Or a knock-off version, anyway. I’m trying to figure out how create a similar energy output with cheaper materials, in turn reducing the COST of solar panels and hopefully increasing the amount of clean energy usage before we all end up ten feet underwater in twenty years time. ”

 it was difficult for owen to just be there, to just listen to what she had to say to him. all he had wanted for himself was to get away, but there she was, ALWAYS. “ i wish i could say yes, i wish it was as easy as that…but… i  don’t know how this is possible though alessia.” he said, words not coming from his lips for a few seconds once again. “you said yourself that you were still in love with me. and i don’t know if a friendship can work like that.” he seemed much more calmed than he was the last time they had talked, yet he was as emotional even if he wasn’t exactly showing it.

@alvssias

“you know cupcakes at open houses are for the people who are INTERESTED in the house. not for friends and family.”

@alvssias​

“i don’t know what to tell YOU alessia, but i need some closure. it just can’t go on like that.”

this was all way too much for owen to deal with at once. the hug first was already an attack on his PRIVACY. he didn’t feel like he had i n v i t e d her to hug him, the contact was too much for him and so as she hugged him, the usually kind and warm man didn’t return the hug. instead he became quite rigid as he felt her arms around his neck, memories rushing through his mind as he was brought back to the times where he would happily return the hug and even more.

so when the words left her lips it was more than a shock for the professor. what was he supposed to reply to that? was there anything she expected him to say? had it just turned bad with the other guy and now she wanted him back because he was the next best thing she could get? he was mad at her, mad that she had come all the way from switzerland to walk back into HIS life after he walked away from hers. it was not fair that she was pushing all of those things, all of this on him out of nowhere because she had decided SHE wanted to do it n o w. a call would have been a ball, a letter would have been better. but no, she had to be the one making all the decisions. he was just there to live through all her choices, no matter how he FELT, what he thought…she was the one who decided when things happened. but even though he felt hurt and annoyed, his reply to her was still t o o nice. 

“i…you’re not in love with me ALESSIA. it’s okay to move on. you’re allowed to. it’s been a year it’s normal for you to move on. you had already moved on when we were t o g e t h e r. you’re just…you’re trying to find a way for it to make it just…not as bad. i don’t know what to tell you. but you CANT still be in love with me. there is no way. people, when they are in love, they don’t…they don’t do what you did. i don’t mean this in a bad way, it’s just that…i don’t know. there is no way.” he shook his head sitting on his desk, a few steps away from her.”

The tears continued to brew in her eyes and slip down dark toned cheeks, turning brown hues into hurricanes of emotion. She was frustrated, mostly with herself, how each impulsive action kept the situation spiraling more than she had planned for. Coming to America to see him, to apologise, had been a split second decision. The plane ticket had been bought, her bags had been packed, and she was in the air all within TWENTY FOUR hours. She was in his classroom without thinking, and when anxiety stepped in when she saw him, every old emotion had been triggered. She’d fallen back in step of wanting him, needing him, loving him as soon as she saw him. She’d always been impulsive, always been too passionate for her own good. She saw something, she wanted something, she took something. She loved with all her heart, hated with her entire being. She felt everything so strongly, so intensely, being with Owen had been a change. A sweet reprieve into the land of love instead of desperately grappling with every emotion just to feel something new. He had been so soft, so kind, so lovely. And she had RUINED it, ruined it all because she was so scared she wouldn’t be enough. All because she needed someone else to be there just in case Owen would wake up one day and realise that he was too good for her. He always had been. He always would be.

what else could he say? he barely even spoke up usually, when something was wrong he would try to solve it without making a fuss about it. but it seemed to be too much at that moment for him not to say ANYTHING. but the moment the last words left his lips he already regretted them as he saw the expression on her face. he shouldn’t have been so harsh with her, or at least he thought so. but he still felt so hurt, that his face kept the same frown it had had since she entered the ROOM. 

but the moment he saw the tears rolling on her cheeks the toughness of his expression, so unusual on his face, disappeared to be replaced by a guilty one “please —don’t cry — alessia…” he started “i shouldn’t have said that. i…there is no point in being mean to you. you don’t need to be h u r t. it is not because i was that i want you to be .” he said as he hand moved to her back as a gesture to calm her down. an innocent gesture that held a lot more MEANING than it seemed. 

being so close to her felt w e i r d, familiar yet so foreign. he had tried to forget all about it but somehow it was as if he was unable to. it was her lips he would dream about, it was her laugh he would remember. she had been a part of his life for only a few years yet she had taken over it all. it was impossible for him to get ride of her. even if he tried his hardest and pretended to be over her, to be OKAY, he was lying, to others, but especially to H I M S E L F. going out, dating was just out of the question, it had never been his thing, alessia had just been…everything he could have ever dreamt about but now that it was all over, he just couldn’t be okay with settling down with just any girl. it wouldn’t be fair to someone if he was not 100% in it. and so far he couldn’t picture himself finding love, the way he had with ALESSIA.

he searched into his bag and took out some kleenex, handing them to her. “here. it’s okay. i’ll be alright. please don’t cry.” he told her with a small sad smile, ignoring the rest of the conversation as a way not only for her to stop the tears, but for him to not feel as bad as he did. 

There was a large part of Alessia that felt AWFUL for what she felt -- -- how could she be overcome with such a reaction that she CRIED when she was the one that had been the catalyst for the entire situation in the first place? But his words had been harsh, his tone scathing. It was something she’d never felt before, something she’d never expected. But the shame for her own emotions only increased as she felt the familiar warmth of his hand pressed against her back. It was a comfort at the same time that it made her shame burn her more. Here he was, extending a literal hand to aid her, and she had FUCKED him over so cruelly. 

Her eyes  c o n n e c t e d  with his, and she tried rather unsuccessfully to erase the sorrow from them as she reached out, taking the tissues gratefully. He was so kind, so fucking PERFECT that it almost made her hate the positive memories they shared. Almost. How could he love her? She was so fractured, so imperfect, that the cracks in her had crept between them instead of just remaining hers. Unintentional cruelty tainted intentional actions, and it was the sole action that lead to their downfall. They hadn’t been on the rocks, they had been perfectly, amazingly, mind bogglingly happy. She’d loved him. (She loves him. She still loves him.) She would have done anything for him, gone anywhere with him. (She still would.)  It was the first time Alessia had ever considered the possibility of a forever instead of turning a blind eye to tomorrow, praying it wouldn’t be there when she woke up. (She still considered forever. But she knew, deep down, that he wasn’t.) 

She stepped closer to him, until they were toe to toe and she could hear his breath mingled with her own, the latter laboured and tearful. She made a movement closer to him again, arms tangling with the taller until they reached his neck, embracing him into a hug the edges of her toes meeting the ground as she pushed herself upward until her head met his shoulder. It was distasteful, odd, impolite to bring them so  c l o s e  to what they had been. But there was something there, something she saw between them that only amplified the hurt that she felt for betraying him -- -- betraying the love of her life. She stepped back from the hug; the emotion, the guilt she felt making her feel as if she would do something stupid. She opened her mouth to thank him, the words of gratitude already poised on plump lips.

WELCOMING ALESSIA TO TOWN

the older woman tilts her head towards the other, eyes wide open as her curiosity is peaked. an unfamiliar face seems to be beside her. yes, this was sheffield, people came and went but she had never seemed to feel the need to address them. however, she woman knew that it would only be polite of her to introduce herself.. “not very often that i see an unfamiliar face around these parts.” carolyn’s feline eyes flicker as she smiled. “carolyn andrews, i’m the mayor of sheffield. if there’s anything that need addressing that you come across, feel free to let me know.” a twitch near her lip is present as she says the words. there are a lot of corrupt things in this town and the wise woman knows that she cannot tackle everything and she cannot stop the shifty from taking place. she’s not a corrupt woman, not like the police force that give empty promises to the public but she is smart enough to know that this isn’t a black and white world nor town in which they all live.