change does not come from a place of comfort
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@alveary
change does not come from a place of comfort

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I promise you things will get so much better when you start processing people’s behavior as information rather than a verdict on your self-worth. If someone doesn’t text back, suddenly pulls away, whatever it may be, the solution isn’t to put on a tap dance for them and try to regain their approval. It’s not to crash out on them and try to force them to react a certain way. It’s just to take a step back, take a deep breath, and assess what this tells you. What’s this saying about them? What’s this saying about you??
Like people’s actions are data points rather than death sentences. It could even be a data point about you. It could be that you’re not being a great friend, it could be that there’s something you guys miscommunicated. Or it could be that they themselves don’t have the means to be consistent, aren’t in the headspace to meet you where you are, whatever. But this is always data rather than a judgment. Even if you’re the problem, behavior can change.
Also, in the context of someone pulling back without explaining away, and assuming they didn’t give you a reasonable explanation in the first place, it’s also a data point that they’d react that way rather than communicate. Situations are always very context dependent, but they’re also always data, not verdicts on self worth.
Btw this is coming from someone who used to beg for explanations, so I do feel like I’ve really grown into myself lately and I’m in a good headspace to speak about this! I really think it helped me to process people’s behavior (and even volatility) as data rather than anything else. Their behavior is giving you information. Take it as that. Take your time deciding what to do with that. There has never been a single situation where rushing to something (even if it’s rushing to reconcile with someone!!) has served me or made me feel better after the fact.
I’m not saying to become avoidant, but I am saying to evaluate the situations you’re in and ask what not only their behavior says about them, but what your reaction says about you. What is it triggering in you? Why is it triggering? This is always information, never a threat against your character!!
at war with myseIf because I know I can do better.
— Time passing isn’t an apology. (via letsbelonelytogetherr)
Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living

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one of the most boring lessons I’ve learned is that when a task feels overwhelming, you just have to start doing it. Even if you’re not sure how to do 90% of it, look for one small component that seems close and start there. Sometimes it’s reading one article on the topic, or searching one related term, or literally just googling how to do the task. Do anything other than thinking about it. The process of working on a thing inherently makes it less scary.
big fan of whatever i am
The only thing I look forward to is a better me
L. V., i hope you're happy but i'll look away if it's not with me [inspired by @luminote]

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I want you desperately. I want your strength and your softness, your hands, all of you. I want you, from me, to have the experience of being loved.
Anaïs Nin, from a letter to Henry Miller written c. August 1932
Shame is the price you pay for living through other people’s perceptions btw
“Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”
— Sylvia Plath
self-awareness means nothing if you aren’t actively changing the very things you are aware of
“I’m scared as hell to want you. But here I am, wanting you anyway.”
— Meredith Grey (via help-n-quotes)

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your twenties are Also about discovering that you’re not a bad person in all the ways you believed you were but you’re a bad person in completely new and exciting ways