A Baby Seal Walks Into A Club

Black Plague and measles AIDS and psychosis Small pox and cow pox and toxoplasmosis Infections that rot you and rashes that sting These are a few of my favourite things!

I am better than you, I have a violin, and you do not know my gender

@greenbloodedtrashlord look, I've not figured out how to privately message on this website yet but I've ordered a large amount of takeaway food and can't eat it because it doesn't agree with me. I'll let you have it all if I can watch you eat it.

I don't tend to judge on body type, either. Aesthetic superiority can come in all shapes and sizes - I'm rail thin and look the bees knees, @greenbloodedtrashlord is considerably less angular but is nonetheless very pleasing to look at. Goodness, look at all this kindness I'm exuding today. I'm making Mother Theresa look like Pol Pot - I bet neither of them had a cool blog.

Two groups you will never see me mock or berate on this blog are homeless people and the Amish. They don't have computers, I have to mock and berate them manually.

One of my favourite things about being me is the fact I can make jokes as horrible and insensitive as I like and face no repercussions because people know I can cause great harm to them and their loved ones Example @maximumoverfry how many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None

We're raising a generation of complainers. These days, there's a million different indigestion-preventing tablets and drinks. Do you know what some less-fortune people who lack a digestive system (not naming names) would give for indigestion? Check your privilege, hominids

Sometimes I like to tell service staff my ice water isn't cold enough. I don't drink and can't sense temperature.