madeofgems

wash away and repeal negative energy and thoughts that clutter my head like the bedroom i can’t bring myself to clean

i sit and wallow in the mess and my mind and find that not all dreams come true.

i would light a cigarette or two at dusk and watch the view..

but there is no sight to see just four walls around me and my

eyes

spinning.

spinning.

spinning.

do you ever think you are incapable of love?

as a kid you’re taught “happily ever after!” and “all in great fun!”

but my heart will boil you like feet on hot cement.

find a partner with calluses you won’t have to break in they said..

but i’m a challenge that no one has beaten.

maybe there’s an error in the game?

the faint echo in a room already emptied.

Promises glance past me like strangers

who never learn my name.

Every hand that reaches

lets go too soon—

not because I burned,

but because I wasn’t worth

the keeping.

I am the rain that falls

after the crowd has scattered,

useless to the ones who wanted the sun,

lingering only as mud

under their feet.

But mud is where roots drink,

where the forgotten seeds stir.

I am not their harvest,

I am my own blooming.

Faith never waits for me—

so I forge it in my bones,

hammer it out of my scars,

wear it like armor that glints

in the dark.

If love is a ledger,

strike my name from the margins.

I will write it bold

across the sky instead,

a storm they cannot ignore.

I was the last priority.

Now I am the fire at the front,

untamed, unchosen,

choosing myself.

but your mouth was all teeth.

every kiss cut deeper,

every word tore skin.

i stayed until i was nothing

but bruises in places you couldn’t see.

you said things i can’t wash out,

they still echo when the room is quiet.

and then you left.

not even gently—

you dropped me like i was glass

you were tired of holding,

shattering me against the floor

and walking away as if i was nothing

but shards to sweep aside.

you gave up on us,

but still you come back

with words like knives,

still you bite me with your cruelty

as if my ruin isn’t complete enough.

i begged to love you,

to build a home in your storm,

to keep carrying the weight

no one else could see.

but you made my devotion a crime,

my tenderness a weakness,

my heart something you could

spit on whenever it pleased you.

and now i lie awake,

staring at the ceiling,

wondering how someone i bled for

could choose to salt the wounds

they left behind.

you were supposed to be my safe place,

but instead you were the fire

that burned my shelter down.

and still—

my body remembers you with ache,

even while my soul remembers

the bite.

the ache of the unknown pierces through my chest

and the front of my skull—

as fast as a bullet, as rough as your forked tongue.

while i weep, the taste of salty tears—

so familiar on my lips—

the piercings pull me closer into the ground.

behind me, my home collapses,

turning to ash and rubble.

the ache writhes within; the fear, ever-mongering.

i am pinned to the ground now.

no one is coming to tend my wounds—

there is nothing left,

just me and the shackles you left me in.

whispered through the rain:

i hope to see wildflowers bloom where i lie,

for death isn’t nearly as horrifying

as it was trying to survive the unknown.