alternative.happyness

Because as an adult, this pervasive notion that there exists a perfect path for everyone, that people should love what they do, and that work is meant to function as a vehicle for fulfilling a person’s grand life destiny is not only inaccurate for many of us, it can be toxic.

The ideal is so ingrained that I have to remind myself constantly I’m not a failure because I don’t adore my job, and because I’m not rocking the world with my work. That is okay. 

This boy goes from being this sad, isolated kid that sat out in the stairwell to avoid having to hear his parents fight to a sweet and s o f t top-tier student who moons after his next-door neighbor, Jian Jian.

Ling Xiao has been Jian Jian’s, body and soul, from the moment she said to his mother “You don’t want Ling Xiao, right? If you don’t want him, can you give him to me?” That was it. He was a goner, hers for life. Of course, I don’t think he realizes this until his later days of adolescence.

When we’re introduced to the teenage versions of Ling Xiao and Jian Jian (in later episodes), it’s already obvious to us veiwers that LX regards JJ in a way special kinda way. The way he gazes at her tenderly speaks to her, and warmly treats her just screams “I adore you. I love you.” I’m surprised no one catches it, except for maybe his kinda-absent-but-means-well dad.

And these achingly sweet interactions continue to happen between these two until Good Boi has to leave the country to take care of his Shitty mom. I’m sorry but it had to be said; He has a shitty mom. It just be like that. Anyway, I digress. Jian Jian finds out in a quite jarring and hurtful way that Ling Xiao has been keeping this Big Secret from her and he’s going to have to leave her, all by her lonesome. As one can imagine, this causes a strain in their once sunny and trusting friendship.

This is where one of my favorite scenes so far in the drama comes into play:

“When you grow up, we’ll be together for the rest of our lives, okay?”

The scene in which Ling Xiao goes to Jian Jian’s room to try to make amends for not telling her earlier that he was leaving the country for the foreseeable future and in turn, leaving her.

In the process, the boy ends up confessing to Jian Jian in a vague yet profound way. It sounds like a promise and definitely hits like one when uttered from his lips. Here’s this 18-year-old boy, in love with this girl who doesn’t yet understand the weight his words truly carry. And at this moment, Ling Xiao knows Jian Jian won’t catch the deeper, more significant meaning behind what he says to her. He just knows he has to give her something to hang on to while he’s away. It’s said in such dejection, desperation, and love, it truly broke my heart.

Fast-forward 9 years later and Ling Xiao and Jian Jian are practically strangers. Yes, they kept in touch all those years; well wishes on holidays, short FaceTime’s, and awkward phone calls. They tried to make it work. But being separated from someone for so long is bound to put a strain on any relationship. Even a deep-rooted one such as theirs. It’s just inevitable. People grow, people change, and all that jazz. But do not fret!

Shortly after a few excruciating episodes of these two being kept apart, Ling Xiao finally goes back home, back to Jian Jian to keep his “promise”. Unfortunately, their reunion isn’t the happy and joyous one would expect.

Jian Jian no longer sees him as the boy that hung the moon and stars. He’s virtually a stranger to her, going as far as avoiding him any chance she gets because of the awkwardness that ensures by being around him. But Ling Xiao takes it like a champ! He knew going back, that would probably be the case. Like the Good Boi he is, he patiently and slowly pursues Jian Jian, building back up what was lost between them. But this time, in a more…intimate and put-a-ring-on-it kinda way, one could say. *wink wink*

But you know what really had me rolling out of all of this? Come to find out, this Smitten Goon -while in Singapore - went to school for dentistry. All because as kids, Jian Jian made an offhand comment about wanting him to be a dentist after her totally justified scare after getting her tooth pulled.

Having him beside her at her dentist appointment, gave her courage and a sense of safety in her moment of fear as a young girl. He was her rock. And you know what? That point in time stuck to him like glue. So much so, he decided to become her own personal dental hygienist so she’d never be afraid of going to a dentists’ office again. I mean come on this is pure, unadulterated love in its purest form. *cries in single*

Here this goon is, in all his dentistry glory, longingly staring at Jian Jian, the love of his life after fixing her cavity. Please, Jian Jian…put the boy out of his misery and marry him already.

As of now, there’s only 13/40 episodes out, so their pinched relationship is still on the mend. But I’m super excited to see where their romance arc goes in upcoming episodes. Y'all have no idea.

By this point, you’re all probably wondering why I didn’t use a “spoiler” on this post because it’s ridiculously long. Well, I’ll tell ya! It’s because I’m petty and I wanted to force you guys to read it or at least have to scroll a long time before dismissing it. I would apologize but I don’t feel particularly sorry. Ling Xiao and Jian Jian deserve a moment of recognition and obsessive fangirling, okay.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Go Ahead 以家人之名

Oppa, I’ll go to Seoul this weekend. I’ll sleep at my brother’s house. I miss U-ju so much. I see. Do you want to do that? Then I’ll head there, too. I can come up with an excuse.

Assisi, Italy (by Darko Markovic)

funny how memories can become so distant

you were once the love of my life

now you’re just someone i knew once upon a time

every now and then i see you in my dreams

it doesn’t hurt; i don’t cry or wish you were here

i hope you’re happy. i hope you’ve found someone who makes all your problems disappear

sometimes love doesn’t last

sometimes our first isn’t our last

sometimes there’s better to come

and one day we’ll once again believe in love