AlSam @alsam15 - Tumblr Blog

Ropey Beginners FAQ

this faq is about rope. if you have questions about me, or about this blog, you can find those here.

How do I find people to tie with? Go to RopeBite.com to find casual / educational meetups, or make a Fetlife account and search for “[My City] Rope.” Classes, Munches or Skill Shares are a good place to start.

But I’m shyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I can relate. But the bright side is, those events tend to be EXTREMELY newbie friendly. When I ran a monthly rope event, about 2-3 per month would wander up to me like, “This is my first time….. so uhhhh….. how do I…. like…. do this?”

Trust me: at a place like Rope Bite, they’re used to that. Showing up without a partner is probably OK too. Remember: strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet. also, they have the best candy.

What Rope Should I Buy? when i need to buy rope again, I’ll get it from mocojute.com.

if you need to pull this off on the cheap, here’s an infographic explaining how.

for pretty dyed cotton that’s already cut and shipped straight to your door, i recommend candykinkstore on etsy.

How much rope do I need? 3 to get someone tied up, 5 to really have some fun, 7 for most non-suspension applications.

How long should ropes be? when in doubt, you sorta can’t go wrong with 25-26 feet (about 8 meters)

for decorative self ties, or if you’re only buying one rope, up to 30 feet (9 meters) is ok too. Longer than 30 feet will probably be a pain in the ass.

Do you use the same sized rope for bigger people? yes. for example, i’m about twice the size of @ropebaby, and i use the same ropes on her as I do myself.

there are reasons why it works that way, and i might make a post about it sometime. but for now, the short answer is yes.

Can heavier people be suspended? yes. here’s a photo of a self suspension i tied and shot at a weight of 242 lbs (110 kg).

Learnings and Stuff

Video Tutorials: (for self tying) (for ties with a partner) Ropey Book Recommendations

Safety Infographics

Intro to Nerve Safety Upper Limb Nerve Safety Lower Limb Nerve Safety Cutting Tools

evie-lupine

FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions

If you’ve asked me a question on anon, commented or sent me a message, please check here first to make sure your question hasn’t already been covered!

1. How do I introduce [Insert kink / BDSM / relationship type here] to my partner?

The biggest thing you can do is talk! Having clear, open communication is the key to having a healthy BDSM relationship of any kind, and is key to helping a vanilla person understanding kink. Understand as well that you may not be able to engage in your desired lifestyle or activity with your current partner. Not everyone is cut out to be a Dominant. Not everyone can be altruistic in a relationship with something that makes them uncomfortable for a long period of time.

In the vanilla world, we are taught to shut away our desires, feelings and wants. We are taught to be ashamed, and not talk to our partner about what we need. That they would judge us, run away, and call us freaks. Some will, but the people who care (and those who would be suited to explore this lifestyle, as it turns out) will listen. The biggest hurdle is learning to overcome this fear and anxiety, and to trust that your partner wants to know what makes you happy. The book, When Someone you Love is Kinky can be helpful. I also have a whole video talking about how to introduce kink to a partner which covers a specific method for approaching this subject.

2. I’m a minor, can I participate in BDSM?

Short answer: no.

I’ve talked about this extensively in several posts, and this giant text wall, as well as an entire video. I understand that wanting to participate is really hard, but please wait! I promise you will be happy you waited, and took your teenage years to just learn. That being said, I am happy for people who are under the age of majority, but above the age of consent, to watch my videos and interact with me on YouTube, as that is for education. However, my Tumblr is my intimate life and is not suitable for people under 18 in any way.

So if you are under 18, please do not follow me or reblog my photos or posts.

3. Help! I am in an LDR (long distance relationship)!

I feel your pain. Being in a long distance relationship is extremely difficult in a BDSM relationship especially. You have to juggle a concern for safety with a need for intimacy which is a struggle to balance in a D/s dynamic. The book Virtually Yours talks about LDR’s in BDSM, and I talk about it in this post.

4. How do I find a Dom? How do I find a dungeon / play party / my local community?

Check out this more extensive post I wrote to answer this question.

The best place to go is Fetlife! Seriously, just make an account search your nearest big city + dungeon and you should be good to go. Sometimes you can also find events on google, by searching with those phrases, or also your nearest big city + BDSM. Often times there will be a dungeon webpage which has a complete events calendar, including munches.

A munch is your best way to start out. They are publicly held, easy to find, and have no nudity, sex or kink. Conversation about kink explicitly is usually minimal due to being in public and you can introduce yourself and find out about the local parties if there are none listed online. Also worth noting that munches aren’t meat markets – their goal is casual interaction during the week when people want to catch up with friends, not to try and find the greenest submissive on the block and try to coerce her into play. If you are looking for a Dom, you can usually get contact info for their Fetlife account after a munch to see what their interests are.

I also have several videos talking about what munches and parties are, how to meet people, proper etiquette, how to pick a scene name and what to expect at your first dungeon. If webcomics are your jam, check out this one from Stormy on How to Survive a Dungeon Party. The book Playing Well with Others is a great guide as well for some events. If you don’t have a strong local community I suggest making a trip to a big convention in the state, or the next state over to get your fix.

5. I’m a single pet / little / submissive, can I wear a collar even though I don’t have a Dom?

Collars can be complicated in BDSM. They have so many meanings, myths and values surrounding them. Some people get offended at the idea of an unowned submissive wearing them, but at the end of the day they are just objects. They only have as much meaning as we decide to put into them. And if for you, that means wearing one to show you are submissive, that is a-okay! Just be prepared for the fact it may confuse people IRL and require a touch of explaining first.

I think a lot of people project the hate and judgement of the online community onto the real life community. The real life community is actually quite diverse and understanding, and while you may have to deal with one asshole who thinks they know more than you about who should wear collars that is going to be few and far between. Just do what makes you happy.

I have a few videos talking about collars here, here and here.

6. Does BDSM / CGL / Petplay have to be sexual? Can I engage in it even if I don’t find it arousing?

Yes! While typical media presentations of BDSM have painted it as an entirely sexual experience, that is far from the only way to experience BDSM. Any form of kink, be that petplay or ageplay or anything else, can be any level of sexual you want it to be. For some people it is a very sexual experience – for others it is not sexual at all. The important part is that you go into it with the mindset and intention of BDSM.

When it comes to things like ageplay or petplay many people refer to scenes that involve sex as “dark ageplay” or “dark petplay” because it more closely resembles deep cultural taboos (incest and beastiality). Playing with these themes is also sometimes considered edgeplay.

If you are interested in learning more about sexual vs. non-sexual BDSM you can also check out this video.

7. I’m into petplay but I feel drawn to be more than one type of pet – is that okay?

Absolutely. Petplay, and BDSM in general, is whatever you make it to be. Whether that means being just one pet or 25 different species is up to you. Don’t feel like you are always bound to be the type of pet you started out as, either. Evolution of your preferences in BDSM is natural.

8. Where did you get your locking anklet? How did you measure for it? Does it hurt to wear?

My anklet is the titanium anklet from Eternity Collars. I have a whole video talking about that anklet, as well as several other shops listed in the description if you are curious about places to find one.

My Sir did the measuring and purchasing for me so I am not sure how he did it all. But it should sit at the smallest part of the ankle, above the bone. and if you are unsure you should size up. I am able to complete rotate the anklet around, without removing it. The screw does come a bit loose, so we used Locktite to seal it in place. These are a huge pain to remove and put on, so I would not recommend these if you are not in an IRL or 24 / 7 relationship. The titanium is extremely light, and easy to wear. I never notice it even when I am wearing boots. I can wear it with all kinds of shoes from heels to boots to sneakers.

If you have questions about fit or how to measure, please refer to their measurement guidelines which says:

“When preparing to measure your size, it is important to keep in mind how you are going to wear and use the anklet, and how active your lifestyle is.Select a more snug fit if you are very active or athletic as a large size may rest too low on your ankle and may cause discomfort or injury with prolonged wear. For a more snug fit, select a size that is .5cm – 1.5cm larger than your ankle measurement.

To measure your ankle size, lightly wrap your tailors tape or string around your ankle in the thinnest part of your ankle. Make sure not to compress the tape or string as your measurement may end up overly snug.“

9. I’m interested in nipple piercings like yours. Did it hurt? How long until my partner can touch them again? Do they get in the way of anything?

If you are curious about getting piercings I would encourage you to browse The Piercing Bible’s section on this matter. The most important thing to learn is not if it hurt, but just how much of a long term commitment these piercings are, how to find the right piercer for you and how to evaluate the healing process. You’ll also find info on jewelry types, typical sizes, and so on. Always listen to your piercer’s advice!

Keeping in mind that I didn’t have a ton of nipple sensitivity before the procedure, I would rate the pain at the worst part as a 4/10. The pain is extremely quick and doesn’t linger, but getting them both done at once can cause the second one to hurt more. Pain is however a very individual experience and I have known people who have passed out from this before! I haven’t noticed any change in sensitivity since before the procedure.

When it came to healing, my piercings took about 9 months to heal and they still need saline soaks a few times a week. These are sensitive piercings and just about anything can irritate them. Sleeping on your side, sweat, the material of your bra, pool water, the air being too dry, the list goes on. Not to mention if you actually touch them!

Typical healing time is about 8 months to 1 year. Some people never fully heal.

Piercers usually recommend you wait at least 6 months before submerging them in water, going in lakes, or having a partner touch them, or put their mouth on them. The human mouth is not a clean place and foreign saliva can cause infection.

If you are a person who loves having their nipples played with this piercing may not be a great option for you. Because, even though they look nice, they take a long time to heal and playing with them too early, using clamps on them too soon, and so on can set you back weeks in the healing process. If you don’t have patience, don’t do it. You’re risking scar tissue and infection.

Lastly yes, they do get in the way of play sometimes. For chest ties in rope bondage and rough body play I wear a sports bra to keep them safe and most clamps are a no-go. But otherwise I have no complaints, and choose to keep up with frequent saline soaks so they can be played with safely.

10. What is the age difference between you and Mr. Tex?

About 10 years! And no, we don’t really notice it, except some cultural things from our respective youths that the other might not remember.

11. Aren’t you worried for your vanilla job?

A little. But I accepted that risk when I made my YouTube channel. My Sir and I did not stumble into Tumblr, and podcasting, and talking about kink without considering the risks first. I’ve done what I can to make my account secure and keep my identity separate. Plus I follow the guidelines I laid out in this post about keeping yourself private, which I encourage everyone to do, not just “public figures” like me.

12. What do you listen to during scenes?

It depends on the type of scene. I just so happen to have made a playlist of the songs we listen to for suspension and bondage type scenes which you can listen to here.

13. Can you talk about bloodplay / breath play? I’m really curious and want to try it myself!

At this time, no, not in an instructional sense. I know I post photos showing bloodplay and breath play scenes, and talk about it a lot but that doesn’t mean I can teach it like I can with other topics. These are possibly two of the highest risk activities in all of BDSM and you NEED to go to a real life instructor in order to accurately learn the risks and proper best-technique methods. I can’t do something like that in a video and the liability is one that I can not accept. I don’t want my followers to see a video, think they know everything they need to and end up seriously hurting themselves or their partner. I may in the future make a video talking about they are in a broad sense, but I’ll need to fill that video with disclaimers.

Because it isn’t just about that sole skill. It’s about a whole slew of skills you need to build on. Risk evaluation, communication, emergency preparedness, first aid, CPR, as well as advanced first aid and bloodborne pathogen prevention if you can find classes on those too. THEN you add in the blood play or breath play. It’s worth noting we both took several classes from EMT’s and emergency room doctors before we started this kind of play together. This stuff is way more than just something hot to do in the bedroom.

14. Where can I find school girl uniforms or school girl clothing?

My two favorite places are Land’s End and French Toast. In particular, Land’s End has wonderful dresses and jumpers as well as cardigans and matching plaid headbands, whereas French Toast I like for the ties, cross ties, and shirts.

My skirts are usually the American Apparel tennis skirt. They are now out of business, but you can find a lot of those skirts for sale on Depop or Poshmark. I am still trying to find a fitted white dress shirt, but I wear the Dickies slim fit junior’s polo under my jumpers and with skirts. Socks I get from Amazon, as well as shoes.

For size reference, I am a size 0, 5′4 and I wear a size 8 or 10 at Land’s End for their school clothing. If you look on the website, they have very detailed descriptions which you can use to find both the suggested measurements for each size, as well as the measurements of the garment itself. As long as you aren’t above say, a 36 inch bust, at least one of the jumper styles should fit. And a sports bra should help with that as well.

15. Where can I buy petplay gear / puppy ears / a tail?

Now I can’t possibly know exactly what style ,color, size or price range you are in the market for but I do have several videos outlining a good 30+ stores to try out, with links to each shop. I also have finally completed my comprehensive petplay gear list which you can see here. A guide for puppy players can be found here.

16. I want to try anal sex – how do I get started? Do you recommend any specific plugs?

Well as luck would have it, I have finally finished my text post guide to anal sex! There are tons of links in there for more info, how to give an enema, what lube to use, how to train, and plug recommendations too. Check it out.

17. What books do you recommend for learning more about BDSM / polyamory / rope bondage?

Recommended Reading – Rope Bondage

Shibari and Rope Bondage Resources

Here you go! While I haven’t read all of these books, they come highly recommended based on Amazon reviews and Goodreads.

18. Where do you recommend buying latex?

You can check out the guide I wrote here. I would also be sure to check out this video I made on trying on latex, the history of latex, why people enjoy it, and how to put it on and store it safely.

19. Can you make a video about [Insert kink / BDSM / relationship topic here] please?

The answer to this is always going to be “maybe”. I have at this point a list of 8 months worth of video ideas if I do videos twice a week, even if I add no new ideas on what I have now. Filming and video making are fundamentally a creative process, so I can’t just force myself to talk about a certain subject if I am not currently feeling inspired by it. I always take suggestions into account, but please understand if I can’t make it next week’s video. And this is assuming I haven’t already covered your question extensively in other videos! If you really need a question answered asap consider asking during my weekly livestream. Or better yet, join my Patreon reward tier that allows you to request topics and for me to film a private video for you.

20. Are you and Mr. Tex just Dom and sub, or are you also romantic and or sexual partners?

Yes, Mr. Tex and I are more than just Dom and sub. We are also in a loving open relationship and are sexual and romantic partners, excellent friends, and travel buddies. I usually refer to him as my partner, not boyfriend, because it demonstrates the fullness of our relationship more than the mere romantic intentions of “boyfriend” does.

21. So, you’re asexual. But you have sex. How does that work?

First of all, I would recommend watching this video series on asexuality if you are looking into learn more about the wide spectrum of people which exist under the asexual umbrella. I too have several videos on this subject you can check out. Sexuality is awesome, fluid, and a little confusing.

If you go to https://evie-lupine.tumblr.com/search/asexual you’ll see lots and lots of answers about my sexuality and how that relates to my dynamic, beyond what I am going to explain here:

I enjoy sex insofar as it is a reinforcement of my power exchange dynamic with Mr. Tex and my position as a submissive person in other relationships. What makes asexuality asexuality is that it is about sexual attraction, not sexual action. Specifically the lack thereof (grey-a, demi, and a few other subsets vary from this basic premise slightly). So ace people DO NOT have sexual attraction but they CAN be aroused. I am grey-a so I experience attraction infrequently and not strongly. Arousal is an unconscious physical response to stimuli which can happen if you aren’t attracted – it’s just human biology. And on that note, ace people ALSO have differences in sex drive. Ace people can have a high libido – it just happens to be completely aimless and not directed at people. It’s a pure biological reaction especially with aces who have penises. Others also have no sex drive at all.

Within asexuality there is a wide range of how people relate to sex. Most commonly ace people are also sex repulsed (meaning they are disgusted by sexual acts and or genitals) but you can also be sex ambivalent (as I am, not completely repulsed, also not aroused by it or really get enjoyment from it), or even sex positive (as is the case with many demi and gray-a people who can enjoy sex in specific circumstances).

Also keep in mind there are 1,000,000,000 reasons people have sex besides attraction. Romantic intimacy, desire to start a family, to please a partner. So ace people can totally have sex, if they want to! They just don’t relate to it the same way as allo people.

Again for me, I have sex because it is part of our dynamic to do things which are pleasing to Sir. This includes performing sexual acts and if I am feeling too repulsed that day to be able to do it I can always safeword or negotiate for acts which I am comfortable with in that moment. If I have fantasies they don’t involve other people and if they do they are usually really vague, faceless and rather unimportant. I have sex with other partners for similiar reasons, too. I just like making people happy.

22. I didn’t know you were non-monogamous! How did you know an open relationship was right for you? Don’t you get jealous?

Mr. Tex and I often appear monogamous because we are not very date-y people. That being said, we are both free to date, play with, or have sex with other people as we choose so long as appropriate notice and testing takes place. We negotiated about this extensively before it, and the details of how it works are very personal and not something I want to share with the internet beyond that. It just works for us. If you are interested in learning more about polyamory, non-monogamy and open relationships check out these books.

Being non-monogamous is a good choice for me because I don’t have to feel pressure to have sex. Mr. Tex and I both have as many friends we want of any gender, as many casual play sessions, and so on as we want because we don’t fear any hidden ulterior motives or cheating. And if we DID find someone attractive or had other wishes for a relationship with that person we could talk about it. It just feels more honest, more secure, makes us both better communicators and is constantly challenging my internal issues and making me a better person. It just feels like the right thing to be, and I enjoy breaking away from the cult of treating jealousy as a virtue and possessiveness as cute. Also worth noting, is that I didn’t choose to be non-monogamous because of Mr. Tex, but it is a both a need we have for our relationships.

Open relationships don’t make you immune to jealousy, and feelings of jealousy and insecurity do not keep you from being able to be open so long as you dedicate yourself to not letting those feelings shut down your partner(s) freedoms. Most people in poly and open relationships feel some kind of jealousy or emotional discomfort at some point. Very few people are able to not feel any emotional discomfort in open relationships, ever, and those people tend to be more emotionally detached to begin with.

EDUCATIONAL POST MASTER LIST

A Kinky Guide to Privacy

How to Find BDSM Events

Anal Sex and Anal Training Guide

BDSM, Minus the S&M

Scene Names in BDSM: A Guide

100 Dominant Names from A to Z

100 Submissive Names from A to Z

Submissive vs. Bottom vs. Slave

Petplay Gear Shop List

Puppyplay Gear Shop List

Latex Shop List