“okay, start recording”
“can i help the next guest please? uh, hello, sir, welcome to starbucks, what can i get for you?”
“Y̵̛͜͢E̷A̴̡͘͝H̢͘̕ ̶̵̢̢͠Ç̶҉͠A̧͞N̕͡ ͜͟I̶̢͠ ̸͘G͟͝È̴̡͟T̨̛͠҉̛ ̀͘A͢͞ ̴̵M̴̴̢̀Ò͜͝Ţ̨͏̨H̷́É̡͜͠Ŕ̷F̡̧̧̛U҉͟͜C̢̡͏̸̢K̸͘͡͝Í̵Ń̢͡҉G̶̕͡ ̷̶̷҉U͜H́̕͢H̷̢̨̛H̢̨͏H̴̛͡҉Ḩ͡H͞͞-͞͏̕” [mic cuts off] “ḨH̨̛͠͝Ḩ͜͢͜H͏҉͜͝H̵̴̀҉H̡̛̀H̀҉̨͞H̶̕͢͠H̷̡̀͢H̡́͜͠H̸̨̧͜H͠҉H̕̕H̛̀̀͝H̀́͠H̵̢̨̀͢H̢̨͢H̢͘H̴̶̛H̸͝͠͠H҉̕H҉̢͜͠H̵̴H̕͢͠H̢͘͝͞H̸̕͟͡H̶̛͘H̶̡͜͟͡H҉҉͏̷H̷̡͢͠͝H̷̡͘H̶̴͝͏H̴͘H͜͡H̨҉̨̕͝H̀͠H̛͟H҉̴͟͠H̡͘͢H̴̛͢͠H̵́͞͠H̴̀H̸͟͡͡H̨̨͢͟H͠͏H͞͞H̢̨͘͞͠H̡͞H̨́̕͜H̨̡̨҉H̸͘͞͠H̶͢͟H҉̛͡҉H̨̕B̶̢̛͠͠U̢̨͜R̢͟͡͡҉G̡̨͝E̛͟͠R̸̵̛”
[laughter]
“sir, we don’t sell burgers here.”
“Ẁ̡̛͠H͘҉͏͏͞A̶͜T̢̢̡̀͢ ̡͢D͏̛͞O҉ ̶͘͠Y҉̢̨̕͜Ó͠͠U̢̧͜ ҉̢̛͢͠M͏̷̀Ȩ́̀͡ĄŅ̸̢͜ ͢͟͡҉͏Y̵̶͜͢O̴͡Ư ̸͟͞͠D̢̕͝͠O̡͡͠͞Ņ̀͡T͘͢ ͜͢S͡È͡҉-̧͠” [mic cuts off again]
“we sell- we sell paninis and breakfast sandwiches.”
“OH MY CARDIAC ARREST”
“Y͏͏̀O҉̸̀U̧͢͟ ̵̢̨͜͢T̵̛̛H̸҉̧I̵̢N҉̶̕͟K̵҉ ́͘҉҉I̶͏̴ ́҉K҉̴͡N̡̡̛O͢Ẁ͜͡͝ ͢W͘҉͟H̶̴́͢͢À͝T͜͟ ̷̨͘A̕ ͏̡͟͡P̨̕҉̶̡Á̡҉N̸͝͡Í̸̡͠N҉҉͟͢͞Ì̧͢ ̶̡̢͘͡Í́͟͜S̢͞ l̶͏̀̕ļ͏̶l̶̨̛͡҉l͘̕͞͠l̷̡͞l̡͟l̸̨̕͡ĺ̢͠l̸̛͜l̀̀̕͠ĺ͏̛͟ļ̶̶̛͜l̀͘̕͢l̶̨l͟ļ̸̨l̵̨̧l҉҉͞ļ̵̕l̴̶l̷͠͠͞l̸̨̡̀͢l̷͘͢͞”
[even more laughter]
“J̶̨̧̧U͟͢S͏̛̕̕͝Ţ̶ ̴̶̷̛͘G̢͝Í̵̢M̷͢͟͠M̸̀͘͢E̛͠ ̸̡A̵̡͞͞͞ ̸̸̸B̛͝U҉̨̛͞R̨̀Ģ͟É͢͡R̶̷͟ ̧̨̕͟E͝͝͏͞X̵̀͢T̵͘R̀́͢͞Á̧́͞҉ ̷͜͟C͢͡H͏̶͏̢E̡͘͢͞͡E͢͏̶́̕S̶͡É̸͟͢҉ ҉̨͡l҉͜͠͏l͝͝͡͏͡l҉̸̧͜l̷̴̷͝l̨̛͢͠l̸̷͡ĺ̡̛ļ̸͜l̷̵̛͜͝l̡͘̕l͢҉̡ĺ͡l̷̛ĺ͏͏l̵̴̨͘͠l̸̡͜͜”
“no, we don’t have burger extra cheese, we have paninis and b-”
“D̵̨͜͞҉-̢͡͠ ͠҉N̷͝Ơ̧͝ ̶͘Y͢҉̢͞O͏̡̧́U҉̨ ̢̡D̷̸̡̛Ò̀͠N͢Ţ̵̷͘͟ ̕͏U҉̛Ņ̴̷̷͡D̨̀͞͡Ę̴̕R͢͝͠S̀͠Ţ̶͘A̴͜N̛͞D͜͟ ̸̨͢҉I̵̧͘̕ ̸̕̕N̴̨͢͜E̡E̢͢D͏̸͜͞͠ ҉̷T͟H͟͠Í̧̢̡͜S҉͏ ̶͢͜͡l̨̕͡l̷̛̕͝ļ̵̧͢͟l̵̢̕͢ĺ̴̵͝͠l̵͜͟͝͝ĺ̷̶ļ̵̡̡͜ĺ͠l̢͡͠ĺ̶l̸̴l̸͝l̡͘͟͏͠l̷҉͘l̡̢̕͞l̵͜͝l̶̢̢̢͢l̨̢͞l̸̴͟ļ̸l̶̡͘͠”
“NO”
“sir, i’m gonna have to ask you to get out if you dont want anything” (transcribed to best ability)
[discord noise]
“W͢͢҉̴H͏̨͠͞Y҉̵͜ ̶̛À̷̧͡͞R̵̡͝È̢ ̷̨̀͝Y̷̸̶̴O͏̨̛͡Ú̶̢̨͘ ̶̴́͘̕K̕͠Ę̸̸̕͢Ȩ͟͠P̨͟҉Į̸̀̕̕N͟͡҉G̷̛͞͝͏ ̨̢̧͜͟T͟H͜͡͠I̵͏͠͝Ş͘͟͏̡ ̡A̸͢ ̶͡S̸͝҉̷͡E̡͏̸̧C҉́R̛̀E̛͜͝T̛͘͏͠ ̷̷̛͠͡F̴́R҉̨̀́͘Ơ̵̴͘͢M̡̧̛̕͠ ̷T̵H̷͏̴͝Ę̸̴͝ ̵͠͠P̸̴̧̀Ú͝͝҉͟B̸̴̀L̢̀͘͢I̴̛Ç̴̸͜”
“what, in the hell did i walk into”
[more laughter and people dying]
“WHAT HAPPENED, HOLD ON, HOLD ON”
“can i get you a caramel macchiato?”
“-̷̧͠-̧́͘B̴̴̀E̸̵͏ ̛̕I̷̷̶̴͘ ̸̶̢́͟H̶A̶̢̕͢͢V̴͘E͢͡ ̶̶͜A̢͜ ̶̡́͢B̶̨̕͜U̕͠͠R̨̛̀͠Ģ̵̶͜E̶̷R̀̕ ̀͜E̵̷̵X̨͢͝T̴̢̧̀͞R̶̨̨̡A҉̷̕͏̶ ̶̸D̴͟I̷͢P̷̧̨̀͡D̵̷͘͘T̴̨͡H̀͟ ̶̛͡҉ĺ̵̴̛̀l̨͡͝l̛͜l͜͠l̵̡̡͡͡ĺ̴̴̢̨l̴҉l̨͜͝l̨̡ļ̸̡̧͜l͝͝l̡͟l҉̧̕l̷̢l̵̡l̨̕l̀͢͡l̷̶̀l̨̡͠l҉̕͘͘͢l̛͘͠͡ĺ̨̨͡͡l̴̕͟ļ̴̛̀͜l҉̶̡͘͠l̕͟͠͡l̨̛̀͠҉l̕͘̕͝͠ļ̡̡̛͞”
“WE DONT HAVE ONE-”
“OH MY GOD THE VOICE CHANGER REALLY”
[insert big smoke’s order]
“SIR, THIS IS A STARBUCKS, NOT A MCDONALDS-”
“D̴̨҉̷U̴̶͏D̀̀͘͟È ̴̧͘͢Ỳ̸̸͝͡O͜͡Ų͏҉́ ̵̡͘͘T̨͞Ò͟O̶͘͝K҉̸̵͘͜ ̨́͡͠M̴̨̨͏Ỳ̷̶̕͞ ̀́M̶̷̛͘̕O̡̧Ņ̴E͏̵́͢͢Y̴̛̕͟͡ ́́I̸͢͡F͢͠͏ ̕I̷̴̡ ̧̛́͠͠D̨̕͠O̧͝N̨̕T͝҉ ̡̨̀҉Ģ̶I͢͡҉̴V̡̧͡E̡͘ ̀͢͡Ỳ̴O̕͡҉Ú̶͠ ̴̴̨͜͡M҉̵̴͝O҉N̷̴̡҉͜E̕͜Y͏̸̕͞ “
[people are dying, gerald]
“SIR, YOU ARE AT THE WRONG STORE! YOU WANT THE MCDONALDS, NOT THE STARBUCKS…”
”WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUPS STORE?”
“H͠͠҉Ę̴̷̨̛L͘L҉̵̧͢Ò̴̸”
[even MORE laughter]
“I̷̡͢҉̢ ̵̴̡̀͝W̨͜͡Ǫ̨Ú̶̢͢͝L̴̡̨͢͝D̴̨̡̢͡ ̵͢͡͝͏L̷̕̕͟͡I̶̡҉K҉̀Ę͘͠ ͟͏̸̡͘Á͜͞ ́҉̴͢͞B͜͏Ų̵̡̢Ŗ̛G̴̢̛̛E̢̡̨͘͠R̨̨͘ ̧͠l̷̡̀͘l̶̡͞l̸̵͘͢l͘͢l̶̕l̢͘͝l҉̴̛͢l̷̶̡͢l̨͡҉l̸̸̡̕͢l̨̡l͏l҉̴̧l̴͟ĺ̷̢͘l̴̵̛l҉̸l҉̸҉̕ĺ͟l̷̨͞͝͡l̶͝l͠͏͟l̴̀l̶͢l̵̛“
“NO”
“holy goooooooooooood”
“NO, WE SERVE COFFEE AND, DUTCH DANISHES HERE, JESUS CHRIST!” (transcribed to best ability again)
“BOSS? UH, GH, E- I NEED TO GET THE MANAGER”
“smiley how much of that did you get?”
[echoing] “Ｃ Ｏ Ｍ Ｐ Ｏ Ｕ Ｎ Ｄ”
“WHAT?”
“sir, do you want to- do you want to speak to the manager?”
“he’s ordering from the ether”
“he’s ordering a burger-”
“Ý͡E̢͟A͏H͘͏̶̴ ̵̶́̕͢C͘A̧͘N̵͟ ̀̀͢͞Í̵ ͏̕G̛͘E̵̛̕͞T̡͡͠͏ ͡҉̡͘͢Ą̸͘ ̸͜F̴̡Ų̷̷̢C҉̷̴̸Ķ͡Į͘N͟͠Ǵ͝҉̷͏ ̶̡U͞H́͜H͜͟͝H͘H̷̨͜͞͡H̢̧́͘Ḩ́͡H̶H̴͠͠“
“NO!”
“oh my god”
“he’s ordering- he’s trying to order a burger with-”
“okay”
“-extra, starbucks”
[laughter, keyboards]
“this s- uh, this discord is wild, wild, [unintelligble]”
“it just got a lot hotter in this room”
“god, that’s what it’s like working at there, ‘cause i’m like, “hey, what can i get you?” and the person is like, “can i get a fucking uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh coffee.” it’s like “okay, what kind of coffee?” “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” and then they order like five different things in a cup and then im there just like-”
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