Unbeliever

Mello wore his status as second best, the world's best runner up, like a heavy heavy crown. The thorny reality stung him whenever he saw Near, Roger, even Matt. The knowledge pricked him when he looked in the mirror.

So, he plucked out his eyes.

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Done with my Wacom and Paint Tool SAI. Wanted to repost my old stuff.

Please credit my work and do not reuse without permission.

An old L drawing. With his long, thin fingers, he might be better suited to the piano, but perhaps he likes to switch it up and fiddle around.

Done with my Wacom and Paint Tool SAI. Wanted to repost my old stuff.

Please credit my work and do not reuse without permission.

I've been dabbling in the concept of body doubling.

I thought I lacked discipline at work. Admitting that you work better with others around you (provided that they are silent and don't provide visual distraction e.g. by moving about) is akin to admitting that you suck at working from home and must agree to a workplace's Return To Office mandate. I am very lucky to have the job that I do, but shit, once I tasted a full WFH/hybrid setup I didn't really want it any other way.

Unless someone is near me, or on a call with me, or unless I have an insane deadline due and I work overnight and all throughout the day, I do not do my best. I've swallowed that bitter pill. Unless I am jacked up on caffeine and am insanely sleep deprived, I will not work alone.

My best and favourite works of art and poetry have been extracted from me in times of stress and pain. If life is mundane I do not express. If I am not hurt I do not produce. I was lonely and alone for a long, long time. That is when I created my favourite works of art.

Now that I have some people around me, I am distracted. I have so many ideas but I have instead been spending my time learning to adjust to people. I am learning to use this to my advantage.

There are times at work when I know exactly what needs to be done. I know how to solve a problem, I know what I need to research. But I need that extra kick up the arse, and I need my hand to be held. I will call someone or have someone sit next to me so I don't feel alone in pursuing the matter. I am trying to replicate this setup when I draw. It doesn't work if I am planning a sketch, but once the plans are put in place I find it extremely helpful to have the crowd of a single person to experience what I'm experiencing alongside me.

An old Ryuk drawing I did with graphite. Wanted to repost my stuff.