At Least You Have All Your Limbs!

Lady, You Really Aren’t “Crazy”  (via aimmyarrowshigh)

And then, when you do something that they don’t approve of because THEY were the one to piss you off, they’re the hero, and you’re just the crazy one. But when they do something unpleasant, we laugh and forgive them, because we are decent human beings. And I may only be talking from my personal experience here, but I am just really not a fan of double standards. And no, I don’t hate men. I have wonderful guy friends. There is just a specific person I feel fits this description. And they’re always deemed as the “good guy” and he “nice guy.” And I’m just like… No. You’re not a good guy. You treat women with disrespect and think you can get away with it. You’re a pathetic excuse for a human, and have NO right to treat anyone the way you’ve treated me. And, no. I’m not crazy or unreasonable for saying this. I’m saying this because I’m hurt. And that is perfectly acceptable. 

SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP PUTTING ICE CUBES IN YOUR LEMONADE. YOU WANT FIX YOUR WATERY LEMONADE? ADMITTING THERE’S A PROBLEM IS THE FIRST STEP TO STOP BEING A PUSSY, AND MOVING ON TO BEING A MAJESTIC MOTHERFUCKER. 

GET SOME FRUIT.

BLUEBERRIES, STRAWBERRIES, PEACHES, LEMONS, LIMES, FUCK I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE PAPAYA OR MANGO! GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE AND PUNCH SOME BUSHES UNTIL IT CRIES FOR MERCY AND HANDS YOU YOUR GODDAMN FRUIT. 

BERRIES YOU CAN JUST SHOVE INTO THE ICEBOX AND GO CONQUER A COUNTRY WHILE YOU WAIT A DAY FOR IT TO FREEZE.

PEACHES AND NECTARINES, FUCK, YOU CAN EAT THE DAMN SKIN ON THOSE! TAKE OUT THAT MACHETE YOU KEEP IN YOUR BACK POCKET, BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHEN A DINOSAUR COULD COME KNOCKING AND MOTHERFUCKERS NEED TO BE PREPARED, THEN HACK THAT DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKER INTO SLICES. 

NOW PUT THOSE BEAUTIFUL FUCKERS IN YOUR FREEZER. 

YOU’RE A CITRUS KINDA ASSHOLE? 

TAKE THE SKIN OFF YOUR CITRUS AND RECYCLE THAT SHIT! SAVE THE WHALES, YOU HARDCORE MOTHERFUCKER. 

I BET YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING, WITH THE FREEZER. 

FUCK. 

WHEN YOUR FRUIT IS FROZEN, USE THEM INSTEAD OF ICE CUBES TO KEEP YOUR DRINK AS COLD AS A SNOWMAN’S FROSTY DICK, AND MAKE ALL YOUR FRIENDS OR MAYBE ONLY YOUR PETS SAY ‘WOW WHAT A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER’

IF YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC TYPE OF SHITHEAD, YOU CAN PUT YOUR FROZEN-ASS FRUIT INTO RUM OR VODKA OR SOME SHIT. 

NOT ONLY ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A COLD, FLAVORED DRINK, BUT YOU’LL GET YOUR DAILY SERVINGS OF FRUIT. YOU SNEAKY LITTLE HEALTH-CONSCIOUS ASSHOLE. 

Quotable Arts by Evan Robertson / Obvious State

High quality giclée prints available at etsy. Distilling literary quotes from a handful of the masters down to a single graphic representation, Evan captures the raw concept of the sentence and makes it damn purty to look at as well.

words cannot describe how much I LOVE.THIS.SONG.