All-White College Football Uniforms Are The Best

Northern Illinois University ticks all the boxes with this beautiful set.  Just enough red and black.  No unnecessary stripes.  White (silver?) facemasks.  White gloves and socks.  It’s no wonder they gave OSU a run in this game.  The football gods look kindly upon efforts like this.  Tied with Colorado for the #1 spot.

After some nice entries, I have to bust out a PSA about making good choices.  Virginia Tech does NOT make good choices, and as a result we get turd sandwiches like this.  What the fucking fuck?  There is no conceivable uniform color that goes with these cobblestone abominations.  I would throw these uniforms in a volcano, but that would be mean to volcanoes.

Nice try from Louisville.  The shoulder stripes are sloppy and that number font is stupid, but overall pretty clean, Cardinals.

Another contender in Washington, and another drastic reduction of the color purple, which is ALWAYS a great choice.  Besides the facemask, these are pretty much perfect.  Colorado and Illinois...look out.

This is both great and terrible, and it hurts my brain.  The alt helmets are awesome, with the simple numbers and stripe.  The shoulders are obnoxious, but I would let that go if the pants were white.  The striped socks...I don’t know how to feel about the striped socks.  The stripes concept is great, but the sock stripes do not match anything.  Make the pants white, and the socks gray with he same stripes as the shoulders and we are in business.

TCU, I like your moxie!  Those alt-white helmets are N-I-C-E.  You fucked up with the black shoulders, but compared to your normal purple crap, this is the tits.

AWWW GODDAMNIT MARYLAND!!!  This is why we cant have nice things.

Court is in session.  Maryland, you are guilty of some of the worst uniform atrocities in history.  While no action can redeem you for your crimes against my rods and cones, these all-whites are pretty slick.  If the red font were silver these would be near perfect.  This is a good start, and this effort is enough for me to stay your execution.  Just no more funny business with the helmets, OK?

I see you, Wyoming.  Pretty basic set, but nicely following the rules.  Lose the goofy shoulder webbing, ditch the brown facemask, and destroy those old tri-color combinations with fire.

These look pretty great, Johnny Football excluded.  The helmet is tops, and the shoulder stripes are OK because they kept them basic.  Hate the goofy number font, and the gray facemask is yuck.

This is a disturbing trend.  It’s like there was a good idea for a dope white helmet, then some asshat came in and said “What if we put the stripes parallel across the back, but tilted!  Wouldn’t that be kewl?”  Since nobody punched that dude in the face, we get visual diarrhea like these.  Sorry, America.

Important lesson on how to ruin an all-white uni...NO FADING!!!  The rules are followed here nicely, but they fucked it up with that awful color-transition numbering.  Also the ‘dissolving’ sleeve stripes have to go.  SO close, yet so far, Virginia Tech.  You too, Syracuse.

ILL-INI!  Illinois has all of the elements to make the near perfect all-white.  The alt helmet is simple, with same color logo as the number.  Solid color helmet stripe matches the same solid color stripe on the pants.  Very subtle shoulder stripes.  No frills.  The only issue is this combination has not been worn on-field to my knowledge.  If they do, we have a possible new leader.

This is SUPER promising, but I will need to see it in action.  Those socks are too much.

This meets all the criteria, but since I make the rules, I have to deduct points on a symmetry technicality.  See the shoulder stripes?  The white stripe is fattest.  Now peep the pant stripes...WHY MAKE THE ORANGE STRIPES THE FATTEST??  It jumps out at me as being almost pants from a different team.  I may also have a serious mental condition.

Kudos Colorado, you are in the lead position for now.