poetry4theheart

maybe tumblr will like this too ;))

maybe tumblr will like this as well :))

maybe tumblr will like this tooo

15.3.26

does it ever get lonely?

having so much

so

so much

yet no one

who actually

understands You

do You ever feel sad?

having so many

so

so many

who love You but

they just don't get it

do You ever doubt

what You are doing?

after all

what was the point

of all this if no one

can ever truly

truly

love You

or is Your definition of love

different

i know You're secure

but it doesn't change

the emotion

does it?

do You feel how i feel?

or is it different for You?

because i don't understand You

and does that make You sad?

to be so loved

but never seen

never understood

but how can love be

without understanding

it must be hard

being God

i know i'm projecting

but

i've always felt

sad

for You

even as a child

having billions of

souls You love

with every ounce of You

and millions lost to the world

even those who love You

can never understand You

how can You possibly bear it?

but i suppose it's

different

for You

different in a way

i cannot comprehend

but doesn't that

make it even

sadder?

for you?

it became a part of the pattern

for me?

it will never stop bleeding out

you were my light

in the darkness

but all I have now

are the remnants

of who you used to be

now

you walk in the light

as if you hold no darkness

yet your screen remains black

and I willingly

lay in the darkness

holding on

to the only light I have

because when you left

you took my light with you

and though you walk in light

you still hold

all my darkness

all my light

all of me

but I am just a load now

for your shoulders to carry

one you have gotten used to

one that has become

a habit

and it saddens me to know

I can no longer

carry you as well

because you?

tried to erase it

and me?

held on to every part I could

you can try to ignore

to pretend it's not there

but it is a part of the pattern

and maybe I should stop

trying to swim

in the puddle of blood

you left me in

because koi can't swim

with only one fin

visual I made for my insta story for this poem:

you and I took a stab in the dark

but flying in the dark

is not the best idea

all planes have to land someday

guess i didn't expect our flight to

end so soon

but when you left I shut down

put my plane on autopilot

didn't—

couldn't

think about us anymore

Although I always knew You'd change

I couldn't have ever Imagined

How unrecognisable you would become

The boy I fell for

Those days weeks months years

Ago

Is gone

Time doesn't have sympathy

Yet

You are still

Everywhere,

Remnants of the You I loved

Are still scattered across

The smoking battlefield,

Little things still find me;

Small proofs of Your existence

Proofs that keep me sane

See,

I still find You

In the music you shared,

Because my neurons rearranged themselves,

And those paths are the kind

That take time to erase,

So dopamine still reacts to those small parts of You

In every playlist.

But I don't Imagine

Time has mercy either

I still find You

In the white sheets that aren't for beds,

Because these are for little black notes,

They hold snapshots of your soul

Like the mp3 files filled with

Snippets of your mind

That are constantly playing in my head,

Because melodies are easier to remember

Than voices.

I would never have Imagined

It'd come to this

I still find You

In the harsh brown of eucalyptus;

Home to lives we came so close to,

Centuries of stolen laughter

Stashed between the golden rings

(The only type of rings we ever ticked off)

Reminders still in my space.

Space I never Imagined would become so

small

To you

I still find You

In words uttered by foreign lips;

Promises strangers post for the world to see

On the platforms that never got

Your initial with a lock and heart,

Yet I still use the name You gave me

In my instagram handle.

Just never Imagined

6.2.26, 15.2.26

pum

csk

csk

pum

csk

csk

one

two

three

two

two

three–

waltzes

tangos

foxtrots

salsas

pas de deux

you and me

spinning

twirling

yet somehow not spiralling

step by step

no music

no beat

not a word

our hearts

create the rhythm

to the dance

we are discovering

the only language we have

is the unspoken tension

between us;

the silent glances we share

across rooms,

as we find the harmony

in our hearts

and music

flows through our veins,

unbothered by

the voices

at the edges of the room

and as our breaths

draw patterns in the air;

intertwining lines

that trace invisible kisses

onto our skin,

and our chests

rise and fall

in sync,

we desperately grasp

the air only we can provide

each other

and even with

just a step

too early

too late

the dance will fail

even with

just a breath

too heavy

too shallow

our hearts will fail

yet somehow

we keep swaying

leaning in

and somehow

never falling

one

two

one

two

one

two

one

tw–

splish

splash

splish

splash

two rowboats

pushing forward

splash by splash

each pursuing

not victory

not a finish line

not an ending

but each other

both boats

donning

scratched paint

worn down paddles

and tired arms

yet moving together

in perfect harmony

and even just

one hesitation

one miscount

one ounce of fatigue

the wooden frame

t

  i

    p

       s

yet somehow

we stay afloat,

as if the whispers

the smiles

the glances

feed us

the strength we need

to not tire

two paper boats

gliding

floating

somehow not sinking,

slowly but steadily

making their way

into the vast unknown,

rooted in salty fluid;

unwavering in

currents not our own

.

.

.

.

two souls

suspended in

the melodies unheard

to the ears

that pass us by,

the drawings unseen

to the eyes

that glance over our artistry,

only you

only me

orbiting each other

like twin swallowtails

fluttering

pirouetting

in the eye of the storm,

almost oblivious

of the winds

whistling past us,

fixated

mesmerized

by the allure

of one another's

dance

like two pairs of eyes

holding each other

across open water

across sweeping winds

across busy ballrooms,

erasing every tap

of a heel

except for our own

as we hold each other

in our arms,

and somehow

we stay

11.2.26

hey

how are you doing?

it's been a while hasn't it

uh yea I'm fine

not

...

bad

I mean

hearts still beating

I'm still here

so

...

I smile less now though

maybe because of you

maybe not

I cried myself to sleep last night

but you don't need to know that

partly because of you?

maybe

maybe not

good to hear you're happy

good to hear from you

good to hear the silence

in my chest when we talk

good to know I'm okay

good to know blood circulated

and the cells you touched

are fresh now

its good to hear you're fitting in

its good to hear you're still going to church

its good to hear you feel accepted

its good to hear that audition went good

it's good to hear that school's going well

it's good to hear that life is going in your favor

it's good to hear you

it's good to know you

...

was good to know you

"uhm what else to talk about?"

...idk

anything interesting happening?

"no not really"

"maybe let’s just chat

another time after

something interesting

happens"

oh.

ok.

Im nearly home anyway

I'm still 20 minutes away.

well

I guess

I'm not interesting enough

to keep talking

keep trying

even when we haven't talked

in 23 days

even when you never actually said

goodbye

when you left

70 days ago

but it's ok

it's ok

we have different lives now

lives that Im not in anymore

but it's good to hear

that youre happy

because I still care

even though my heart said

...

when we spoke

but it's good to hear

my prayers are answered

—

thanks God

you don't photograph the ground

you don't keep records of the ground

you don't ever think

"the ground will be gone one day"

you don't photograph things

that are permanent

you don't need to

there's no need

to remember

to keepsake

to say

"remember what the ground

looked like

in 2020?"

because dirt

looks the same

I don't have a

single

photograph of us

i never kept

records

of us

of you

never thought

there was a possibility

you weren't ground

because ground is stable

ground is safe

ground is never gonna be

gone

turns out

you're weren't ground

just a platform

covered in dirt

because dirt

looks the same

and then the platform

snapped

and I

plummeted

see the thing is

the ground is great

it's stable

it's safe

it's never gonna be gone

it's great until

you

plummet

onto it from a platform

i didn't notice how high

you took me;

the sky looked the same

dirt looks the same

but then i

plummeted

but at least icarus

had moments of freedom

before he

plummeted

the ground looks a bit

different

when you're

plummeting

falling

crashing

hurting

see

you don't photograph your shadow

you don't keep records of your shadow

you don't ever think

"my shadow will be gone one day"

you don't photograph things

that are permanent

yet as your shadow

gets bigger

and bigger

and bigger

as you

plummet

you realise

one day

you won't get

the light you need

to cast a shadow

you don't get

ground to stand on

when you're 6 feet deep in it

when you thought

a platform was ground

but then suddenly

you're plummeting

and it's too late

to grab a branch

to climb down

to change your point of view

to move away from the platform

to find real ground

ground that is stable

ground that is safe

ground that is never gonna be gone

ground that isn't just

you're alive

you're breathing

no coffin

no funeral

no ending

you're still here

I never lost you

but i lost everything

I thought growing

together

was more than

just months on a calendar

I thought loving

was more than

just claiming eight letters for each other

I thought comfort

was more than just

existing there

being alive

breathing

I thought it meant

our hearts beat in sync

when we touch

and i thought it meant

it stayed that way

we stay that way

I guess I was wrong

or maybe I was just wrong

about you

I don't know which one hurts more

because you're still here

so I never lost you

I don't get the permission to

cry for you

make time for you

mourn you

I don't get to wake up and

not want to go to school

burst out in tears

grieve for you

because there's nothing to grieve

there's nothing to mourn

there's nothing to cry about

there's nothing to make a fuss about

fuss enough to stop my living

there's nothing for people to understand

they just tell you

to pick up your tissues

so they can vacuum

but it doesn't work that way

did you know

that you were the closest

I ever got to safe

even if i was on the moon

and you on earth

at least it wasn't Pluto

because at least the moon

is close enough

to be pulled

into safety

I wonder though

if I was actually your sun

giving you life

hope

keeping you alive

stable on your orbit

but the closer you got

the more you suffered

the less you were able

to keep yourself afloat

maybe you couldnt take it

maybe thats why

you moved away

to proxima b

and I'm left to stay

burning the other planets around me

because I have no where else

to put the energy

I learnt you could hold it

and still thrive

even when Mars

and Venus

and mercury

couldnt

I learnt that you accepted me

I wasn't a monster

I wasn't just a fire

I was precious

I was safe

you were safe

I gave you everything

all my fire

all my energy

I would've burnt into nothing

if you were safe

I loved you

you were–

are

the first person I've ever loved

but no one gets love

and no one gets grief

not when

you're alive

you're breathing

no coffin

no funeral

no ending

because you're still here

and we still talk

even though I already lost

everything

you don't even know

how much you hurt me

but then again

no one blames the earth

for the sun burning

and no one ever forced the sun to burn

I chose that

for you

but in doing so

I gave away everything

and you left

and I lost everything

but no coffin

no funeral

no ending

just two hearts beating

out of sync

two people living

on parallel lines

two galaxies growing

without the other

but maybe

it's better this way

then I can't burn you

even if I continue to burn

as a paperweight

as if it could

hold us in place

forever

for a heart

to forget the reason

it still beats.

19.1.26

365 days ago

your birthday

you told me:

you missed me

you wished I was there

you loved me

today

your friend asked me

if we still talk

I look down

and say

no

we don't talk anymore

that was the end of it

but my heart

still remembers

the reason it beats

and my skin

can't seem to forget

your fingerprints

and my mind

can't erase

the memories of you

of us

365 days ago

you told me things

things that

aren't real anymore

the world where

those words

were true

is now gone

we don't say

I love you

anymore

but people change

and life moves on

and I wouldn't

trade the me

today

for anything;

I'm proud of

who I am

yet I would

do anything

to have the you

365 days ago

back

if I could

go back in time

I'd travel

365 days back

and hold you tight

use a boulder

as a paperweight

as if it could

hold us in place