new americana

“Attitude, attitude. Come on AllyCat, can’t you show your sister some love?”

“I could... if my sister would be ever so kind as to thank me for holding the god damn door. The things family take for granted...” 

      Amber let out a low whine when the other moved from her, falling back onto the sheets where Allison had just lay to soak in the residual warmth with a smile playing at the corners of her lips. She felt pink; a soft, baby rose colour that reflected light and love. Idly, she wondered if Allison liked pink. When Allison returned, the brunette couldn’t help but laugh. Alice’s words came back “sappy, but only once a year”, though Amber found that she wouldn’t mind this more often than not. “Mm, no. Never. I wouldn’t ever make fun of someone for feeding me.” Her arms stretched out to grab for one of the mugs. “No, I like this. More so because it’s with you, but it’s nice. It’s normal. We don’t get that very often, do we?”

One word stuck out in Allison’s mind... normal. The most normal memory Allison had was her father taking her to the park when she was six. He pushed her on swings and helped her climb. She has since chosen to remember only those parts, that mundane bliss. Because the rest of the memory ruined her ignorant bliss- the men in suits coming and shouting at her father, a gun in their hand. Allison being rushed away by her mother. The sound of a punch being thrown and a gun going off. The girl that lay in the bed didn’t know the meaning of normal. “Normal is boring.” she said, taking a waffle and biting off the edge. Next, a sip of coffee. “But if normal is laying in bed with you all day, if it’s normal to feel warm inside all the time... Then I like normal.”

“You’re right. I am different. But I’m still me and you’re still you. So don’t look at me like you’re disgusted by what you see.”

“Im not disgusted with what I see. I’m just... I’m not particularly happy with who I see you becoming. You’re still you for now... but what if that changes?”

      Amber laughed quietly as she pressed her nose to the crook of the other’s neck. “It’s the highest form of compliments, of course.” Her fingers traced delicate patterns over Allison’s skin as the other brunette kissed her, soft breaths escaping her lips far too raggedly for this early in the morning. “Mm, well, I suppose that we could get up and get food, but it’s so far away… and we’re right here. If the food could somehow magically come to bed, that would be so much better.”

“Well...” Allison said, slipping away from Amber’s warm body. “Wait here.” And with that she slipped an oversized t-shirt over her bare body and made her way to the kitchen. Waffles... not fresh but they’ll do... and coffee, at least that’s fresh. She cursed herself for not having a proper food tray, but then again, she never thought she’d ever do this. She made do with what she had and as a final touch she plucked a flower from one of the pot on her windowsill and put it behind her ear. Walking into the room, she may her way over to the bed and set down the tray and lay the flower on the white sheets. She tried to hide her slightly blushing cheeks, “If you make fun of me for this, this will be the last time this is happening.” 

“Don’t look at me like that Ally. Jim, Bree, Alice; they can look at me like that all they want. But you? Don’t.”

“Well how else am I supposed to look at you? We haven’t talked about it Tyler... where you stand now. You’re different.”

— &.)      Life was odd for Amber at this point. She’d never had friends die until now, hadn’t had a job this steady ever, and she’d never been in a monogamous relationship. One person tying her down had never sounded appealing until she found herself offering exclusivity to Allison without an afterthought. “You’re heavy.” Her voice was sleep roughened as she curled farther into the other’s warm body. “But don’t move. I like this. I haven’t got work and I don’t plan on letting you leave from this spot all day. Not at all. You can take the day off with me.”

“What every girl wants to hear, thank you.” Allison laughed to show her good nature. Allison never stopped laughing when Amber was around really, and if she did it was replaced with a smile... or a kiss. It was bliss. She had never been so content in another’s arms. Never so safe. “Well good.” Allison said, moving ever so slightly to kiss Amber’s forehead. “But...” then her cheek... then her neck... and finally her lips. “What are we gonna do about all the food just asking to be cooked in the kitchen?” A smirk tugged on her lips. “I mean, I’m happy to eat it on a day we’re not bed ridden but I’d be a lot happier to eat it with you.”

“Looks like Wonderland is smack-dab in the middle of a fucking Nancy Drew novel. A few things are clicking now. Big load off the shoulders actually.”

“And what exactly does that mean, Tyler?”

“Shouldn’t have left the damn radio and air conditioning on.”

“I think the hospital couches would have been more comfortable.” She let out a light laugh that felt a bit out of place. “How are you doing, Charlie?”

      Allison’s words were whimsical, the kind of a child that was blocking out reality, but Amber was happy to pretend as well. It was better than of Wonderland. “You’re surprisingly sappy for a big and bad Spade.” She’s almost said drug dealer, but there were too many people to overhear and while Amber felt happy, she wasn’t stupid. “I kind of like it when you say you’re mine. I could get used to it.” Her fingers grasped the other’s chin and Amber pressed one more light kiss to Allison’s lips before collecting herself. “We should go though. I told Daniel I’d “get some rest” and all that. I kind of just want to lay in a bed and you’re free to join me.””

“I’m happy. Don’t make me regret my words.” she said with a scrunched up nose. It was unheard of for Allison to open up to anybody but Tyler. She didn’t know when it began but she had always had problems with trusting people, with letting herself get attached to them and trusting them to stay. So she never had... that’s why she was scared, but for once she was going to let her happiness come first. “Yeah,” Allison nodded while a warm feeling surrounded her in the cold hospital hallway. “Yeah, that sounds like something I wanted to do for the rest of my life.”

      A soft giggle escapes her lips as she brushes her thumbs over Allison’s cheeks and fights back a goofy grin. “Yeah?” It comes out breathless and too excited, but she doesn’t care. For one second, the world around them fades. She doesn’t think of Rebecca or Charlie or Naomi or Rose; it’s just her and Allison. A petty part of her says that this is something Carmen can’t take from her, but it’s a short thought that is quickly quelled. “Would it scare you less if I asked you to be my girlfriend? Nothing really would change except everyone knows that I’m yours and you’re mine for however long we want to do this. Would that be something you’re interested in?”

Amber’s touch was bliss. Her hands soft against her cheek, her lips finding their rightful place on hers. It was just a complete bliss Allison was lost in. She became so concentrated on the moment, and the two of them together, everyone else didn’t matter and all sounds disappeared, she almost didn’t hear what Amber said, but she could never miss that. “Nothing can scare me anymore if I’m with you” Allison said in a whisper only Amber could hear, a small laugh escaping her lips at how ridiculously happy she was right now. “You are mine and I am yours and nothing else in the world matters right now but you.” Another kiss, small but meaningful, irresistible. 

      Her lips pressed together and her hands formed fists in her lap because how was she shutting Allison out? When had she ever shut her out? Amber thought she’d made herself very clear. There was a line she never crossed between casual flirtation because she flirted with everyone, but she didn’t spend nights with people, wake up and make them breakfast, or give them personal nicknames if they didn’t mean anything. So why didn’t Allison get that? But maybe, she thought, that she needed to spell it out. “You a r e in. I don’t know how you can get much farther in, Alli. What the fuck, stupid little idiot.” Her tone was soft, no malice in her words or actions as she raised her hand to cup the other’s jaw and bring her into a kiss. It was a little sloppy, a little desperate, but Amber was a little bit of a mess currently and it was as good as she could give. Pulling away, she looked up at the brunette through her lashes and firmly said, “I like you, Allison Spade. A lot.”

The words sent relief fluttering through Allison, which reached her heart and sent it into a frenzy. Once Amber voiced the words Allison felt ridiculous for feeling so insecure. Feeling like their relationship was nothing to her. How could Allison not see it? Not see her spend every night and every morning with her. See her laugh and smile and be with Allison. She said nothing in response, her kiss spoke for her. Told Amber how she felt the same, told her she never wanted to let go. Once she (reluctantly) pulled away to meet Amber’s eyes she could do nothing but smile. “I like you too, Amber Dupont. It scares me.” 

      Lips pursing, Amber quieted as she listened to Allison. With every fibre of her, she wanted to focus on how Allison said that she said she was happy with her, but again there was blood distracting her conversations. “Fuck,” she muttered, drawing her hand back as if the other girl’s touch burned. “I thought I washed it off. It’s nothing. Got a small nosebleed. It happens. My nose has just been dry so it probably cracked and yadda yadda yadda. Don’t chew me out for it. Charlie all ready did.”

Allison felt a sting as once more Amber drew her hand away. Allison certainly wasn’t used to relationships in any way. Anything but family and dealers was foreign to her. Maybe this is what it was like? No, no it never felt like this between them before... it certainly didn’t feel right. “I’m not gonna judge you.” it wasn’t her place, not in the slightest. “I just want to make sure you’re okay Amber... I just want you to, I don’t know, just let me in.” Allison let out the final words with a sigh, and slumped back into the chair avoiding anyone form of contact. 

      “I don’t really care either way. Because he meant what he said and I meant what I said and any friendship that we had is over now. You don’t seem too happy with me so you can join him if you want to. I’m starting to get used to this whole leaving because I didn’t do things right and finding someone who will deal.” Amber knew that she was being petulant and it wasn’t fair to be upset about so many things, but Charlie had killed whatever high she’d had and it was so hard to feel right now. She raised her hand, rubbing at her temple to reduce the growing headache that had developed some time ago.

“If you didn’t care you wouldn’t be so upset Amber. It’s okay to care, it’s okay to feel upset and it’s okay to show me that. And whatever gave you the idea I’m not happy with you is ridiculous... I’m really happy with you.” A smile creeped it’s way onto Allison’s face. It wasn’t the time nor the place to talk about how much Amber was beginning to mean to Allison, especially when she could throw it back in her face. Besides, before Allison could continue her attention was drawn to the blood that appeared on the girl’s forehead, “Amber, are you bleeding.” she said with noticeable worry in her voice. She took away Amber’s hand so she could find the source of the bleeding but there was nothing on her forehead, she looked down to Amber’s hand and found the blood. She never let go of her hand as she spoke, “Where did this come from?”

      Jaw setting, Amber pulled her hands from Allison’s and grit her teeth. “Okay. You’re fine. Whatever.” She shook her head, eyes squeezing shut because she really didn’t want to talk about Charlie at this point. “Who fucking cares? It doesn’t matter. We had an argument and now it’s over. He’s probably off somewhere lecturing someone else seeing as he was on a roll with it with me.”

With a sigh Allison retracted her hands to her thighs and set them there uncomfortably. Obviously she had hit the source of the problem and she shouldn’t have. She should have kept talking about Rebecca and danced around the obvious tension. Should have but would never have- Allison wasn’t the type. “Amber, whatever happened with Charlie I’m sure it’s just the stress of the moment. He’s taking out his shock on you, you were there as you should have been but not everyone can be helped in these kinds of situations.”