Binary
I want kids and my husband doesn’t. In this case, a simple binary where I’m the loser. At this point, I can’t have them without him and I can’t make myself force him to go along with what I want. It’s not fair to him (I really believe that not wanting kids is just as ligitmate a decision as wanting them), it wouldn’t be fair to me and it certainly wouldn’t be fair to any kid we ended up having. My parents divorced when I was 2 and I always felt like my dad didn’t want my sister and I. I would never put that on any potential child of mine.
That’s the background. Now for the good part. My sister (who is younger than I am) is pregnant. My sister-in-law (my husband’s sister) is attempting to get pregnant. I managed to gain all this information in the same weekend. When I told my husband, his response was
Are you jealous?
...Am I jealous?! Of course I am! How stupid do you have to be?!
I can’t help feeling like the question was just mean. Like he was rubbing it in that that’ll never be me.
I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.
