Lessons Learned In The Dark

These images are of silver before they have been through any refining processes.

They are full of impurities, and have yet been put through the fire.

We start out much like these stones, full of impurities, wicked thoughts and actions. But God in His loving kindness draws us to Himself and with His refining fire changes our hearts. Through His love for us, we develop a love for Him. His fire begins a fire within us. Impurities burn away as we are held to the flames, and we begin to look more like The One who saved us. “For He will be like a refiners fire and like a launders bleach. He will be like a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver. Then they will present offerings to The Lord in righteousness.” (Malachi 3:2-3)

Hurting, Feeling hungry but knew I couldn’t be after all I have eaten just 2 hours prior, dizzy, and feeling like I was slipping back into my past without panic…

I’m asking what’s going on and why am I feeling this way. Why do I keep getting and going for food, especially when I’m thinking about things other than tonight. Why the pain is brought in to it?

Then He speaks:

You want to feel safe, to feel held when you feel empty. But you’ve not realized I’m the only thing that can fill you, when you’re alone, when you’ve been abandoned, when you’ve made the choices you’ve made, when you’re sick and in pain. When the phone doesn’t ring, the text doesn’t come, the email isn’t returned, the person doesn’t choose you back. I’m the only one who heals every part of you.

This goes for eating, scrolling, gaming… anything obsessive that’s taking up time or that becomes an idol in our lives.

Even as I type the conviction still hits.

I’m a work in progress, I’m thankful for His chisel.

His love and His grace.

His convicting power that shows me the areas that I need to work on to be closer to Him.

I’m thankful to be able to hear Him!

…..

And yet last night I still struggled. And so still did this morning. He is teaching me. That I want to feel safe, held. That I’m trying to not harm myself in more than one way and haven’t figured out quite how to do that yet after recovering from 3 different eating disorders in the past and I’m trying to not fall back into that.

Im thankful for His arms, when I imagine Him, as I do get ready for lunch at 3pm, (my salad, drenched in ranch 😂) … the number 3, He picks me up and sits me in His perfectly big enough lap, safe, He is safe. With anyone else who doesn’t feel safe, or who is sad, or who is in pain right now or needs to be held. To rock us and remind us that it’s ok to be children, to drift off and take that Sunday nap. To relax. It indeed is OK. Nothing here is going to harm a single hair on our heads. There is room for more than one of us.

I hope this spoke to someone other than just me today.

Much love to you all today, His perfect love, and all the love I have that He is teaching me about day by day.