Oh dude I am so pumped to meet you at last! I mean my Mamá, she’s gonna be so thrilled. Oh hey, speaking of, can I get a picture? Just a quick one? I gotta send it to the family Whatsapp. You go one of those? No worries, we’ll get you all set up, now say queso

Scott, who the hell…

Perfect! I swear, they gonna loose their shit. Not to say we ain’t been looking, Ernesto got a restraining order from trying to sneak into-

Seriously Scott, where’d you find this guy?

Aw shit, sorry man, I’m just a little excited! I mean I was weaned on those Howlies stories, y’know? Abuelo Pedro used to tell them, you know what he’s like. You don’t? Oh shit, man! Of course you don’t! So my Abuelo was a soldier in the war? He was legit, I swear, like there was half a million Latino soldiers in WW2, hell, we’ve been fighting for the US in every war from the Revolution to Afghanistan, you feel me? So Abuelo Pedro, he signed up and got sent off for basic training and shit. Now it was colder than a well-digger’s ass in those barracks, so while they’re waitin’ in formation he sticks his hands in his pockets to warm up. The Drill Sergeant comes storming over all ‘American soldiers stand to attention!’ and ‘They never keep their hands in their pockets!’ And, well, Abuelo Pedro ain’t never been called an American before. That left an impression on the guy.

Is there a point to this?

I’m getting to it, I’m getting to it! Hey, you like John Candy movies? Well, get used to it because you’re gonna see them a lot. Well, one of them. Can’t argue with a name like that though, right? So anyway, Abuelo was shipped out and ended up kicking heels and other parts we ain’t gonna mention with this spitfire WAC from New York. An’ he was like crazy for her, but figured there was no chance of making thing legit what with him being Mexican an’ her being, like, Irish or something. Her daddy was pretty clear on that. But then her big brother got killed in action, died a hero, like they gave him every medal going an’ invented a couple of new ones. So Abuela Becca just went fuck it, life’s too short, and ran off with him to California. They went back when uncle Gorges was born, which was a few years before Mamá came along, and patched things up. Abuela said I took after her brother, because he was forever knee deep in trouble too.

We watched the first Captain America and I have to say, I forgot about all the gay subtext.