My dream is to be a badass redhead

We say often to try and give the benefit of the doubt when someone slacks/is un characteristically rude/uncaring/etc as you never know what they might be going through at the time that might be making things extremely hard for them…

However, have you seen many posts that talks about not assuming/judging people who seem “happy” or who do something “extravagant” one day and then not doing what YOU want them to the next because you NEVER know what is going on in their life??!

It’s like people are allowed to be shitty if they are constantly miserable and have an “excuse”- but god forbid they find a day of happiness amongst all the bullshit and try to share it with people or keep a memory of it.

Yes- I did go to Disney during the yoga challenge (which speaking of I posted my host pose that day despite not being home.) and yet did not post everyday. And yes, in general “you sure do go to Disney a lot for someone who is broke/depressed/etc”

Yeah- you know why?! Because I have family who love and care about me. Family who unlike the internet actually know the fucked up shit going on in my life and know I am depressed and alone and they are NOT here and the only way they can think to give me and my family relief from it all is to fund trips to Disney as holiday gifts. We hardly ever get to see my husband- so they help make the time with him special NOT just for us but for our SON.

I love my husband, and out of the 7+ years we have been together, we have only lived together for 4, NOT consecutively, and only 2-2.5 years were on our own! And he has been in the Navy five years, so a lot of the time we lived together he still has had to go out to sea A LOT. So forgive me if he keeps being pulled away from me and our sons in a city where I previously had no emotional/mental/actual support from friends or family (up until a couple weeks ago now that I have ONE friend) if that gets me fuckin’ depressed.

My husband’s job is dangerous. I rarely know if or when he will be home because of things specific to him and his situation. I don’t get to sleep much because of the baby and it’s go go go from the moment the kids wake up until they fall asleep and if I want to get all my studying done I can’t go to sleep right when they do either. I am burning the candle at both ends and can’t even complain/vent/anything because I don’t have a support system here and because piece of shit anons have the nerve to call me “whiny”. Well excuse the fuck out of me for thinking I should have at least ONE place I can be happy, even if it is the internet. It is my window to social interaction. To friends and family. So again, fucking excuse me for trying to share happy moments with you all despite my depression and anxiety.

I try to keep my talking about it to a minimum and yet try to be there for all of you as often and as best as I can because I don’t want anyone to feel like I do. I don’t want anyone to be dealing with stuff that is important to them and have them feel alone or lost. And yet-

And yet it is 4:11am and after bein woken up at a bit passed 3am to feed the baby and change him I find a rude message making me cry in the dark and thinking about how if I post about it- those anons from awhile back will call me whiny again.

Do you know WHY those anons got to me? Because of their word choice. Because of the fact those anons were someone who is nice to my “face”- perhaps even downright friendly- and yet under the cover of anon they were shitty.

I’ve been friends with you for four+ Years.  And in all my years of living, and all these years that have passed. I’ve never had a better friend, I’ve never had someone whose cared about me so much in my life. We of course like any friends have rough spots. I’m so emotionally awkward and uncomfortable sometimes and never know what to say, but you never NEVER let that bother you. I’ve got Cameron and Kevin, but when that shit went down at my old job and I was screaming and crying and freaking out and scared, I called you because in the end out of all my friends your one of the most important people in my life. 

You listen to me talk about Fall Out Boy all day. Despite the fact that you don’t really watch or listen to them(Before Idk about now because man I talk about them a lot <3) I never told you, because I figured it didn’t need to be said but while this is happening, Everyday you listen to me rant about things like this I feel happier. I’m so happy someone listens to me, I’m so happy to have a friend that’ll listen to me talk about dumb crossfitting vegans. Because it’s our friendship. ANd I fucking love it and you. Your never annoyed, you never say like can you stop, the times you don’t respond your doing stuff very important and I don’t care at all because im just happy to rant. ANd fuck it makes me so happy that I have you in my life. 

And it fucking KILLS me that Anon’s can make the little joy you have a struggle. IM REALLY ANGRY. Just so angry. Because fuck them, FUCK them they have no right to do this. They have no right. They don’t know you, they know what you post online and that’s it. And it’s bullshit. We went to Disneyland when I visited in October, I paid for alot of the trip. I pay for a lot of the stuff when I visit, not because she doesn’t have money. First of all even before money was tight she’d try to buy me things and I’d be like NOPE or she’d casually say oh that’s cute and I’d buy it. Not because Money buys friendship, but because I’m a 20 year old student who makes a decent amount of money. I don’t need my money???? I mean I need gas, and whatever but outside that it’s whatever. Like what the hell am I gonna do with it? (Buy 100$ worth of CD’s oh man good on me) 

I chose to buy things for her, because I love my friends. I love them so much and they deserve to have a few dumb shirts, and dumb memories at disneyland to remember when things are hard. And I buy plane tickets to visit her because she has a family, and I’ve got me and my silly face. It doesn’t bother me at all? I’d tell her, and she’d know if it did but it doesn’t seeing my friend smile at Disneyland, and Isaiha wearing a silly pirate hat and freaking out in excitement about Jack Skeleton. It was one of my favorite disney trips??? I’ve been to Disney a lot, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a better trip than going with her. 

FUCK ANAONSDKLgkthy

I’m so mad about this. So mad, because Tabby is such a nice, perfect person. Whose a military mother raising two boys in a city she’s not familiar with at all. She’s not only doing that but studying for school, working out, and cooking Keto things to keep her little family healthy. I don’t know who the fuck can have a problem with this woman??? OR THIS WOMAN VENTING ON A BLOG SITE??? BECAUSE BLOGS ARE DIARIES MEANT TO BE SHARED AND EXPRESS FEELINGS. SHES FLAWLESS GET THE FUCK OUT OF HER ZONE.