⋆⭒˚｡⋆ ✩ley.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I imagine myself thinner, three inches taller, and my skin is clear and smooth, my skin colour is the same.

I imagine myself in a position of danger, and with the capability of fighting it off or acknowledging I can't win so I run off to fight another day.

I imagine myself sitting by a bonfire with my large group of fictional friends and we talk and laugh and playfully argue.

I imagine myself at parties and I imagine myself pissy drunk.

I imagine myself at the gym and at a prestigious tertiary college.

I imagine my career and all the things I’ll buy with the money.

I combine them into the perfect record of a life.

I can't describe the devastation I felt when I realised it wasn't real.

I’m not as cool as I think I am, or talkative, or fun.

People see me as a quiet, nonchalant, reserved girl who has nothing going on, because that is the unfortunate truth.

I have nothing going on.

My day to day is me scrolling on my phone, writing, if even, sleeping, and eating. Then feeling guilty and subpar about it.

I’ve never had a bonfire meet up, or fought in a ring, or been in a plane travelling, or learned to play piano.

I’ve never been in a band, or painted with oils and acrylics, or travelled the world.

I know this, but I didn't know it

I have this world in my mind and I think it’s the only thing keeping me sane

I’ll be scrolling and hear a song and it’s like I’ll activate

I stand up, and immediately start pacing, imagining myself in the arms of a friend, or someone older, or any scenario really

When I'm stressed during study periods, I take breaks to put music on and reactivate this world.