A Light Here Required A Shadow There.

i’m so hungry.

this guy in NA who has become really important called me thick. It got quite inappropriate but it’s nothing I want to act on. he’s with someone but if he wasn’t i’m sure it would just be physical and I don’t want that. i’m scared of that. and I care about our friendship.

I have a problem

I like challenges. 

I figured out how to make a paper crane today. patience required.

this other kid in NA, who I've seen from the beginning and is so fucking awkward but devoted to his program, I had rapport with solely within making smaller and smaller fortune tellers out of starburst wrappers and then I slid them to him during the meeting as I saw him looking and he was sitting beside me. he arranged them. then I showed him how I fold a dollar so just the eyes are peering out. he joked that it was avant-garde 

we barely spoke though

then I saw him at another meeting sunday and he awkwardly punched my shoulder, something I often do.

anyway I made my first crane for him to continue the rapport.

my birthday is this coming sunday. my two best friends in NA and I are going to go to a meeting and watch zombie films before and after. two men mid/late 30s and I love them dearly and they love me.