Abarrane

It was never a me problem.

My flesh suit was fighting me.

SW:175 BMI: 28.2 / CW: 164 BMI: 25.7

I just took my second Zepbound shot this week and I’ve noticed complete silence of food noise (from my brain reacting to the insulin resistance caused by PCOS) as well as a 180• change in my fatigue, brain fog, and ability to follow through with my dietary goals.

Past (pre-zep) 6 month averages:

1772kc / 85.6g protein per day.

Active lifestyle. Gained 13lbs.

Present (zep) ~9 day averages:

1349kc / 90.2g protein per day.

Active lifestyle. Lost 11lbs.

Today, I met your counterfeit.

He looks like you

He talks like you

He cooks like you

But he isn’t you.

He is gentle like you

He is kind like you

He is generous like you

But he isn’t you.

Today, I met your counterfeit.

He is good

But he isn’t you.

You are so much better.

I’ll keep waiting for you

Despite criticism

Despite degradation 

Despite rejection

Because he isn’t you.

You are so much better.

But I just thought I’d tell you

My person died, emotionally.

The next one died spiritually,

A demon took him over.

The last one died physically.

How many persons can you get?

How grateful I am to have another…

I wrestled with believing he could even come…

And be even better…

Than all his predecessors…

I spoke truths from heaven.

Yet, you accuse me.

Your desires are deceitful.

Who is your heart turnt towards?

I will never please you…

But I don’t have to.

You aren’t my god.

I’m a trailblazer

Once upon a time, you asked me, “Can I be your moment?” Thenceforth, I looked forward to every possible moment, only wanting to share my moments with you. I never knew 6 years later we’d never be able to have another moment.

We almost had it.

6 years, 1 month, and 15 days later…

No one understand how many times I chose you. No one knows how I looked for you in every moment I was apart from you. No one knows the ball in my throat when I think of you.

But now I’m not me and I’m sorry for when you weren’t you.

I used to say it would be easier to just die than break up, but grief is so hard. I miss your face. You were my person.

We almost had it…

But I press on towards the goal… for the prize of the upward call…

How sweet it would seem to walk asleep and dream of auto pilot.

Walking dead through the fields of deer.

New years cheers for many gears. Just cogs in the masses. Like roaches under the carpet.

Wake up late and turn in early. How shifted times are turning.

A new day has come, dawn upon us. Revelation applied to the scales on our eyes— no longer a counterfeit conversion.

How sweet it is to die to self and live on autopilot.

Abundance. Endurance. Shelter in insurgence.

Home isn’t home anymore.

Familiar spirits try to wrestle.

I am discontented to live among men alone.

I have found my heavenly home in the fold.

Until then, despite my position, I will endure.

A slave no longer.

My feelings aren’t faithful

and neither are yours.

You think I’m gone

so you leave too.

Vacations don’t last forever.

I already paid for return airfare.

You have to participate with the vision for it to manifest. We can’t afford to withdrawal prematurely.

Remember when I used to …

Pretend [2016]

I like to pretend you’re dead

I can’t miss you then

I like to pretend you’re happy

I can’t be sad then

I like to pretend you’re still here

I can’t miss you then

I like to pretend you’re sad

I can be sad then

Signs and wonders are sexy, but I’m the one talking you off the ledge every other day. Prophetess doesn’t text you back.

“Foot crickets: