Miraya

With a wish for my death stronger everytime

I still wish I was dead

This is because of the relatives who don't understand boundaries and my spineless parents.

"I wish I was under it"

I wish I had a pill or something that could painlessly and quickly end my life. I would live much better with more strength, I'll think "It's okay, just see how it goes, if it gets too bad and you have a way out" and then I might actually survive the situations. But in this world, dying quickly and painlessly requires so much resources not everyone has access to.

I am once again asking God to kill me.

I'm so happy for him but im also envious. Why does he get to choose while I don't?

Ab nahi dekhi jaa rahi dusron ki khusiyan bhagwan, either give me that or don't show them to me.

Anyways, hopefully I'll die soon. Then none of this will matter, I'll be free. So many people around my age randomly drop dead even when they were perfectly healthy. Hopefully, it'll happen to me soon.