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We don't talk at all, if we do it's usually kept short. 

He has his friends, and I have mine. 

We've changed.

I did my best to move on from him.

He talks to me like he's indifferent about everything. He's happy, but indifferent. 

I guess, I need to bring up the question whether or not if he'll even care if I'm in his life or not, if it's going to be too painful..

I need to talk to about something really important to me, someone who means a lot to me.

He plagues my thoughts every day, he has since last year. My feelings for him are like waves, they come and they go. Sometimes the waters are calm and other times they are furious.

But yesterday I found out he has a brain tumor, it's called oligodendroglioma.. you can remove parts but you can never get the whole thing. It grows all over the brain.. weaving through. He could die any day, or live for another ten years which he said was doubtful. 

Last summer, he told me he didn't want me to be with Tyson, Tyson only caused me pain. He was there for me, but he wanted to be there for me all the time. He said he'd do anything for me and I knew he was telling the truth. We haven't been talking much since August, I've maybe talked to him three times since.

I broke up with Tyson, not to be with this person but so I'd be able to talk to him without Tyson flipping shit. I want to hang out with him, have him be my best friend again. Like he was two years a go and was last summer. 

I'm hurting, I have a hole in my chest. I promised him a while a go that one day we'll be together, one day we'll have our time. Now.. now I can't, we can't. He doesn't want to, he doesn't want to hurt anybody, and it would destroy me.. it already is. I don't have him in my life, I regret not listening to him in last January.. not taking my time. I regret so much, all the time we spent together I took for granted.