lost myself a while ago

Will it ever stop?

I am waiting for change. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting to feel alive again. But is it foolish of me to think change will come out of nowhere. I am stuck with what I got until I make a move. Today it hurts, it hurts so much.

I wish I was brave. I wish I was different. And god I wish you were different sometimes. I wish you were less angry and I wish I could just take you home knowing everything will be fine. All I want is you. All I ever wanted was you. I will be sitting at working, just hoping to see you walking in when I know you won’t. I know I will probably never see you again. I‘ve lost the love of my life and all I can do is take lorazepam to try to forget how much it hurts.