It's All A Bit Fuzzy

Full nudes aren't super likely, but there'll almost inevitably be some skin 🤷🏼

Doing the gym thing today, it strikes me that I kinda always workout solo in a nearly-always empty gym. I don't lift with specific targets or push for heavy weight, I just do it because I feel better when I exercise and stretch a bit.

I don't actually have any external sense of progress or whether I'm challenging myself sufficiently. There's really no accountability other than my own satisfaction, which I think sometimes I don't give myself credit for motivating myself in wholesome ways.

I frequently beat myself up for being unmotivated or undisciplined, while close friends look at me like I'm crazy cuz I'm generally high performing. In my head, that just means I'm very good at pulling the wool over their eyes, too, and I'm still not totally convinced this isn't the case.

The reconciliation of honesty and humility in self perception is always kinda hard to me. I never want to be overly generous when I feel like my tendency is to take what slack I give myself, but I find I don't really know how to own my strengths and successes the way I operate today.

One of the things I've always found remarkably gratifying in my relationship with AJ, but probably haven't fully understood how to articulate, is that he doesn't really humor me or meet me in my productivity-obsessed self-flagellation.

He accepts that I might view myself that way, but doesn't really buy it and takes a quiet, consistent position of "you are enough" that is very grounding.