aliza latta

The 5 things my professor taught me today

Tomorrow marks my last day of my first year of college. It’s funny: the feelings I have today versus the feelings I had in September. September, I was nauseous; today, I am nostalgic. The difference is enormous. I’m writing this today so I don’t forget. My digital storytelling professor just finished her final lecture with our class, and the words she said to us made me feel a range of different…

Holy Week: Jesus is going to die on Friday

Jesus is going to die on Friday.  That’s what I keep thinking. You can go through twenty-two Holy Weeks, and yet each time Palm Sunday comes around you grapple with a gaping, gasping, afresh realization: Jesus is going to die on Friday. I think about it again and my heart slips into my lungs, making it hard to breathe. It’s the beginning of Holy Week, which tends to feel both reverent and loose —…

When babies are dying and you don’t have a clue what to do

It’s pouring outside. The heavy rain is going to last up until tomorrow, and I can’t stop thinking that maybe this is God’s way of telling us he’s weeping. The heaviness sits inside of my heart too; Syrian babies are dying, being gassed then sprayed with water, people choking, their lungs collapsing like a deflated balloon inside of them. And here I am. Sitting in my reporting class watching my…

On finding your freedom

There are distinct moments in my life that are permanently embedded in my brain: my mother exiting the doctor’s office on a cold January morning, her face pale and fear-stricken, only to tell me a few seconds later that she had cancer growing inside of her. Another moment took place when I was in Peru, when my father called me and told me my grandmother had passed away. I looked up at the South…

For the nights you can only see your shame

It was two in the morning and I was wide awake. My body was exhausted. It felt as though my lungs were made of bricks, heavy and full. If I tried to get out of bed, I knew I would tip over. I could see my failures play like a movie in front of me. It was as if there was a projector reeling videos on my white wall beside me — everything was abundantly clear. There I was: failing, sinning, screwing…

When God meets you in the middle of the drive-through

I was driving home from school today when the woman behind me started honking. We were turning left, and I think the person at the front of the line wasn’t moving fast enough. The light went from green to yellow as I turned, and she swerved behind me through the red. At the next light, she laid on her horn again. “Holy crap, lady,” I said within the safety of my car. “Back off.” I was exhausted…

If the world feels too noisy

The world is too noisy. I’ve been feeling this way lately. Everything feels loud: my iPhone, my journalism classes consistently talking about the news, and my Facebook feed filled with politics. I’m tired of trying to keep up. I want the opposite of noise. I want quiet.  This year, I’ve been researching spiritual habits, or you might know them as spiritual disciplines, or in less fancy terms,…

The practice of using an alarm clock

“I think it starts with creating a new routine,” she said. I was talking to my digital storytelling teacher last week. She is stunning to me, tall and willowy and lithe, a lilting South African accent whenever she speaks. “That’s what I chose to do,” she continued. “I made myself create a new routine. In the mornings, I told myself I wasn’t allowed to check my phone until I had finished my entire…

100 things I’d rather hold (instead of my iPhone)

I check my phone too often. I’m finally admitting it. It’s my alarm clock — because, you know, the Bed Time App wakes you up nice and slowly and I’m not ready to give that up yet. (In reality I should go buy a real, actual clock.) I have been thinking a lot about habits recently, the good and the bad. There is scientific and psychological evidence to back this up — about how habits become…

In case you’re on day one and already feel like quitting

Every January 1st, I become an idealist. Rarely do I want to be like the rest of the world, so this year I signed up for the gym on December 30th. This will be the year! I told myself as I paid for a gym membership at the front counter. This will be the year I suddenly transform into one of those shiny, athletic women with the high bouncy ponytails. I felt like a fraud walking into the gym. My…

This is what I know for sure

In my semester of learning, I’m unlearning a lot. I keep realizing I don’t know many things at all. When they said college would go fast, I didn’t believe them. But tomorrow I have my final exam, and then my first semester is over. Because this is the way my mind works, I keep thinking: did I learn enough? did I pay attention? am I going to be ready to launch into the world when classes are over…

When you feel like you’re wilting, but you’re wanting to flourish

These past few weeks I haven’t been praying. I’ve wanted to, but still, I haven’t. I’m just so busy right now, I told myself. I’ll talk to Jesus soon. God would understand. I wasn’t reading my Bible either. I saw it, sitting there on my nightstand, but it had been covered up by other things — glasses of water, notebooks, textbooks . . . my laptop. I had a list of reasons the length of my arm for…

The day he calls you beautiful

You don’t forget the first time a boy calls you beautiful. You don’t realize until years later that when he was whispering those words, he was permanently engraving them deep inside of you. You don’t perceive the power that handful of syllables has. Before he tells you, he looks at you. His eyes peer into yours, causing your face to flush red down to your toes. You half wonder if he’s aware of…

Here’s to being a work in progress

I am making progress. Yesterday, I had lunch for the first time with people from my program. It is halfway through the semester. There are two reasons for this. 1) Thursdays are the only day of the week where I have more than one class, therefore needing to eat lunch instead of heading home, and 2) I have found it far more comforting to stay by myself than to wander outside of my own protection…

Keep the doors open for me

The trees bent over me like a canopy — ushering me along with their red and orange leaves, some of the tips yellowed from the changing of seasons. It’s my favourite drive: the 12 minute back roads from my house to the town of Binbrook. The windows were down and my hair whipped around my shoulders. The sun was warm on my face, and that’s just how I felt inside: warm, filled up, and profoundly…

My identity isn’t what I thought it was

I am one month into college. Currently I should be: writing two papers, creating a film, studying for a test, researching a prominent Canadian figure, reading my textbooks, and making a hefty amount of artwork so I actually have something to sell at my second art show this December. Instead, I am writing to me and you. Sometimes I think, “I used to be good at articulating. I used to be able to…