My New World

oh the weather outside is [REDACTED]

But you just drew the paws like that too. What does that make you?

if u cut off my dick two more will grow in its place

Promise?

this is the strangest and most thought provoking response I’ve ever received on a post

Incredibles 2 (2018)

me, talking to a dog: you’re soft. are you even aware of your mortality? of course ur not. u pure, wholesome and sentient unselfish being. do u feel that? that’s my heart. i love you. look at those ears. here take my wallet

i was at the grocery store and did the whole ‘how r u’ ‘good how r u’ ‘good’ thing with the cashier and as i was leaving the person behind me was doing the thing too but this time the cashier said ‘not so good’ so what happened

History in a nutshell

u ever think about how ur skeleton is always wet

I wish I never had but thanks for ruining my life

don ’ t worry ! there will come a time when it ’ s not :)

Thanks! Even worse :)

I have never so joyously reblogged a bird video in my life. 

put this in the fucking moma, the louvre, the guggenheim, the whitney, and the motherfucking prado

my friend angella was doing a comedy gig, and as soon as she came out a guy shouted ‘can i give you my number?’ and all the crowd groaned cause it was so inappropriate but angella was like ‘yeah sure’. the guy started shouting out his number and she started entering it into her phone. the whole crowd was like woaaah. she got the whole number and then dialled it and it rang. everyone lost their shit. finally the guy answered and angella just said “hello? shut the fuck up” and it was the most incredible thing i’ve ever seen