i'm no sweet dream

Bang! - AJR

Man, I'm up to something (up to something) Ooh de la de do, thank you all for coming (all for coming) I hope you like the show 'Cause it's on a budget (on a budget) So ooh de la de do Yeah, come on, here we go Yeah, come on (Here we go)

So put your best face on everybody Pretend you know this song Everybody come hang (come hang) Let's go out with a bang Bang! Bang! Bang!

littlebarrelboy​:

Shock ruffled his hair. Just like Lock used to do. He felt the lump in his throat, the one that hadn’t quite gone away since yesterday.

He didn’t want to go back into the Qin house.

He didn’t know what happened after people died, but he could feel Lock’s presence in there. It would never go away. Well – maybe it would, but Barrel knew that the longer he stayed, the longer Lock would haunt them all: not just him but Ting-Ting and Su and especially Mei.

Shock was leaving; Shock should leave, Shock should go and see the world.

Barrel just wondered where he’d go from here.

Shock might not want it, but he stepped over gave her a hug. It was brief. He knew she wouldn’t want to prolong it, but he would also feel really bad if he didn’t hug her one last time. Who knew when he’d see her again?

“I’ll see you around,” he said, letting her go and stepping back. He smiled at her, ducking his head down a little. So, this was it. Barrel tried not to panic, but this was the first time he’d be without Lock and Shock… basically ever.

But Shock was right – she had to go. And he knew he did.

“Don’t worry too much about me,” he said. “I’ll figure something out. I’m an Adamson, after all.”

(*)

Barrel hugged her.

She should’ve expected it, but she didn’t. She stiffened as his arms wrapped around her--surprised. His body was warm and he smelled good...she couldn’t really place the scent and didn’t have time to think about it deeply. Before she could move her own arms to hug him back, he’d already stepped away.

Shock stood there, dumbfounded, as if he had smacked her in the face. Not hugged her. 

Part of her, for just a moment, wondered if she was making a mistake...

But that was a selfish thought only. Shock was the one who didn’t want to be alone. Barrel deserved a life away from all the shit. Shock and Lock had fucked him up enough. Maybe it wasn’t to late for him. He could still grow. With goodie two shoes like the Qins looking out for him...well, she’d seen what they’d done to Lock in just a year. Give him 5, 10--

He’d actually make something of himself. 

“Damn straight,” Shock finally said, her lips twitching into a smile. 

“See you around, baby bro. Don’t get into too much trouble.” She took a step back, then another, until her foot hit the edge of the porch. 

littlebarrelboy​:

“Thank you.” Barrel nodded.

It felt so weird without Lock.

Not that Barrel didn’t talk to Shock without Lock ever, but –

It was like he was still here. Like he’d pop his head out. Like he was just waiting to make an entrance.

He wasn’t really sure what to say to Shock, who teased him the most about being emotional. He wanted to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, but he didn’t know if Shock blamed herself. He just knew he would blame himself – he did blame himself, somehow. Like somehow, he should’ve said or done something and Shock and Lock would’ve stayed home on Christmas Eve and right now they’d all be laughing and opening presents.

“I’m going to miss you,” he said, instead. That was simple and it was true. “Send me pictures of your cool adventures when you remember. You don’t have to,” he added. “It’d just be nice to know you were alive.” He tried to make that a joke, but it came out a little weak.

(*)

There it was--what Shock was trying to avoid.

I’m going to miss you. Shock’s eyes flicked away, looking at nothing in particular. She held on to what she wanted to say: you shouldn’t. She meant it, though: he shouldn’t. What was there to miss? Shock was under no impression that she’d ever been kind to Barrel. The fact he was going to miss her was some Stockholm Syndrome shit or something. 

It didn’t change the fact that she would miss him too. Her brothers were the only people who really understood her. Which was some sappy bullshit, but everyone wanted to be understood, didn’t they? 

Shock would make her own way, though. And she knew Barrel would too. 

His request for pictures made her snort a bit and she nodded. She didn’t have a quip for him. She didn’t--actually want to be mean. This was the last time she was gonna see him for...a while, probably. 

“Yeah, I can do that,” she said. She’d want to keep in touch with him anyway. Make sure he didn’t die either. It was more likely, after all. He was a dumbass. 

Taking one step forward, she reached out and ruffled his hair, the way Lock would do to him. She smiled at him. “Don’t change your last name, alright? You’re an Adamson. We all are. Now and forever.” 

littlebarrelboy​:

Barrel knew what Shock would say the moment before she said it.

He figured this was coming. There was no reason for Shock to stay in Swynlake – not with Lock dead, not with Anthony dead. They’d all talked about leaving anyway.

Barrel had just hoped he’d get to come with them.

Being a vampire, it seemed, didn’t guarantee immortality. Barrel never feared death more than he did watching his supposedly invulnerable brother bleed to death. It was for real this time. It wasn’t like all those other times Shock had died – Lock was dead, he was gone. He wasn’t supposed to be gone, but he was gone.

Barrel still expected Lock to walk out of the Qin’s house and swing an arm around his shoulder.

Lock had gotten Barrel a Nintendo Switch.

Barrel hadn’t cried when he opened it, just stared at it, dazed.

It was still pretty early. He’d opened presents in a sort of fugue state. The fact that it was Christmas didn’t even sink in.

What Shock said, however, had. He stared at his sister a moment, then nodded.

“Oh okay,” said Barrel, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I mean, I figured you would. Thanks for letting me know. I thought you might just leave a note or something.”

“And leave my only remaining baby brother without a proper goodbye?” she scoffed, then quirked a smile that fell off the next second, like something hung crooked on a wall. Her words stayed suspended in the air between them. Between them--where Lock should be. He was the middle child, after all. One, two, three...

“Sorry.” Shock looked out over the perfectly manicured from yards around them. Her back was to Phil’s house. She kept it that way. In front of her stretched mist, hanging low, clinging to the asphalt. There was still snow clumped along the edge of the road: dirty and brown. 

She wasn’t really good with the whole goodbye thing. Honestly, when it came to her brothers, she’d never thought she’d have to say it. Especially not in the last few months. Barrel would’ve turned, whether Lock wanted him to or not. Then they’d be together always. 

Shock should’ve known better than to think the world would be kind to an Adamson. At least, she could keep Barrel from this life. He’d always been the best of them. She knew it was what Lock would want. Her leaving was giving Barrel his best chance.

@littlebarrelboy​

Shock was leaving.

Are you surprised? Why would she stay? 

First Anthony, now Lock--this town had it out for vampires and Shock was desperate. And she was scared. She would never admit these things but she was. She was scared that she would end up just like her brother, no matter how much she scoffed and would tell people she was smarter. And she was scared that her remaining brother would end up just like her. Barrel wouldn’t survive with a target on his back. It was better if he wasn’t a vampire and if he wasn’t associated with them either. 

Besides, Shock had always wanted to travel the world, hadn’t she? This was the perfect opportunity. She’d do it for the both of ‘em. Her and Lock. Mei had given her the watch that was supposed to be his. Shock hadn’t known what to do with it except put it on and then head out into the big, wild world. 

Saying goodbye to Barrel hadn’t actually been on her list of things to do today, but--well...it wasn’t like she wanted to lose touch with him. 

So, here she was, leaning against the porch railing of the Qins’ house. She didn’t want to go inside. She wasn’t staying long. (She was scared of what would haunt her if she stepped over that threshold.) 

“Hey,” she said when Barrel appeared and stood up properly, both feet on the floor. “I’m leaving.” 

Best not to dance around it, Shock thought. Easier this way, Shock thought.

below the cut...