Lilac - 26

i lied i took lax again i just had to but i don’t make it a habit i swear

ive been feeling like such a hideous monster these days

i want to take lax so bad but i saw someone on here say that taking lax is the equivalent of taking your clothes off before a weigh in and saying you lost weight and ever since i can’t help thinking lax is so pointless because i don’t even take my clothes off to weigh myself

cardio/walking to burn cals and strength training to build muscle and raise my bmr so that my body is burning more cals even at rest it could not be easier

do apple phones over count steps and calories i am so worried now

I am also going to start doing 100 squats 100 crunches and a 1 min minimum plank daily again the bare minimum but really easy to incorporate into the day

something really small I can do is start pacing around the house to make sure I get in all my steps for the day if I don’t get enough while out I have a walking pad if I can’t use it I have enough space to pace around if I can’t do that I can jog in place in the bathroom in the middle of the night like I did when I was a kid I have 0 excuses to ever be below 10k steps a day and 10k is the bare minimum I should be aiming for 20

back to pacing around the house to get my steps in just like when I was 12 somethings never change

440 today so far

ive never in my life had a regular period up until last year when i gained so much weight that it came back such am awful feeling i need it gone forever

there is always a part of my body that makes me feel so insane with disgust usually its my hands and arms theyre so fat but lately its been my thighs i absolutely cannot stand how fat they feel these days

my thighs are so fat its so distracting i cannot think straight sometimes i can’t sleep because all i can feel is all the fat on my body

i think i need to actually commit to not weighing myself daily i say i won’t but i actually do secretly and i try not to let it drive me crazy because my “official” weight of the week is only the one from friday but the constant fluctuating makes me lose my mind so i think i should put all my effort into counting cals keeping under 500 and seeing the progress on the scale once a week only

i hate counting cals because everything feels like too much i had 145 just now and that feels like too much but i have to because if i don’t i end up eating one tiny calorie dense thing a day and im starving and tired but the scale won’t drop and im left wondering why

i dont know how i did it but i was able to maintain my weight i still feel like shit that that was my only goal but i did it and now next week i need to make it to my next goal

already crying knowing how bad my weigh in is going to be 10 hours from now