*jazz hands*

If you write a fic in which Edward Cullen becomes human again and his first priority isn’t getting a flu vaccine you’ve lost the plot

On his way to his local pharmacy he sneezes one (1) time and loses his mind

I wonder what it was like for Jacob on the rez after he got the Cullens to stay in Forks. So many people in the tribe and in the pack hated the Cullens, and they were probably planning the biggest party to celebrate the Cullens leaving. And then Jacob decides the Cullens can’t leave and reveals a tribe secret to an outsider in order to force them to stay. And then a bunch of vamps arrive at the Cullens’ house to potentially help fight a war against other vampires a few months later, which wouldn’t be happening in Forks if the Cullens had left like they planned to. People may be more understanding because he imprinted, but I imagine that people weren’t happy with him for a while.

Bella imprinted on Edward and Edward imprinted on Bella

jasper arguing with his seer girlfriend like he knows not to say some stupid shit but alice saw a glimpse of him saying it when he thought it and now they’re both mad

Jacob and Bella would be divorced by their thirties and you shan’t convince me otherwise.

Twilight AU. Bella chooses Jacob. They get married, she gets pregnant, but soon Bella is as tired of small town Forks / La Push as her mom was. She wants to feel the sun, see a beach where you don’t need a parka. Jacob chooses to stay to care for his ailing father and gives Bella the divorce and full custody of their daughter, Juliet Black. Fast forward seventeen years and Juliet decides to move to Washington to spend more time with her dad and also give her mom space now that she’s found a new man. The first day of class she is partnered with the strange but beautiful Edward Cullen, who seems eerily interested in her.

What I love about Bella is that she really is just a teenage girl. She falls in love hard and fast like basically all teenagers do. She’s almost constantly thinking about how hot her boyfriend is. She has very low self-esteem like so many teenage girls do. She feels awkward and like she doesn’t fit in, and basically every teenage girl goes through a phase where they feel like that. I see people say a lot that Bella “isn’t like other girls,” but I disagree. Bella is exactly like other girls, and that’s why so many people connected with her. The appeal of Twilight is that Bella is normal, that she is like everyone else, but she enters into this world and has experiences that are very far from normal.

So often, it’s almost like women in media aren’t allowed to be horny, but Bella is. She’s always thinking about how hot her Edward is. The one thing she wanted before being turned was to have sex with Edward. She cries because Edward won’t have sex with her again on her honeymoon. She wakes up as a vampire ready to jump his bones and then spends all night banging him. And I love this about her.

i still can’t believe the twilight movies have people genuinely thinking charlie swan deserves the dad of the year award. book charlie couldn’t handle his only child’s tears to the point that he would avoid her any time she had any emotion at all, including during her catatonic depression, he would disable her truck on the pure suspicion she may be sneaking out (because she went to bed too early in the evening… to spend the night with edward in her room), he left to go on long fishing trips randomly, allowed her to move in with him and immediately do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry for him without helping out at all, when he grounded her at the end of new moon he basically treated her as his live in maid once again, he sided when jacob when he basically sexually assaulted her in eclipse, and most of all, he never fought renee for custody of bella because “renee needed bella to take care of her”. bella was 18 months old when renee took her and left btw.

if billy black told me to stay away from my creepy boyfriend i would listen to him. rip to bella but im different

Breaking Dawn Sequel AU where Billy begs Nessie to leave Jacob and use the imprint bond to set him free. This time, he has more success

there there girl. now take a sip of the diet coke. there you go. easy now

i've said it before but it will forever and always make me insane that jacob's ending is to join the cullens for the sake of bella not having to give anything up. they find out jake will be immortal & tied to renesmee forever, so bella gets to smile & say "my family is finally complete! ^-^" but jake already HAS a family. he has a father and 2 sisters. quil, embry, seth and sam are like his brothers. jacob and leah were planning to run away together. he's always been welcome in emily's home, sue has been a family friend since before his birth. bella abandons her mortality by choice because she feels no connection to the people around her, but jacob has really strong bonds. it's clear that every character we meet in la push is like family to him, he's an active member of the community. jake would've graduated high school and been a mechanic, would've grown into a young man. a good friend, a fun uncle, a present son. he's set up to have such a rich life. and he's just magically compelled to give that up. beyond his control, he loses sight of everything, because his high school crush's baby is now the singular most important thing to him. he's perpetually 18 with his perpetually 18 year old girlfriend, running around vancouver or alaska or wherever with the girl who friendzoned him at 16 & her in-laws (who were antagonistic to him for months). and i'm just supposed to say omg yay now he doesn't have to let go of bella! everyone is happy! it's complete madness