Mainly just putting this on here cause no one I know or maybe even no one at all will see it.. I need to vent. Itโs fucking exhausting being me sometimes. I donโt even care if this makes sense. Itโs so tiring trying to explain yourself to people who donโt care to try and understand how your mental works.. yes I have anxiety. Yes I can come off as โmeanโ sometimes when I panic. Yes itโs illogical to โnormalโ people the way I feel and act sometimes.. Im sure itโs exhausting for the people I love to deal with me, I wonder what they must think is wrong with me.. I try so hard to be normal and not get triggered or suppress the triggers when they do happen because I hate seeming dramatic and seeming like a victim to anxiety. Like oh woe is me Iโm mentally ill right..? I hate that it causes a fight every time that ends in me crying because theyโre frustrated with me being so โnegativeโ and having to walk on eggshells around me and they donโt understand why I canโt โjust fucking stopโ and then I over compensate by trying to explain myself and explain why I freaked out or how my brain interpreted what just happened and how its such a bigger deal to me than what it seemingly is to them. All to help nothing and just walk away and have a quiet panic attack by myself.. I just shut down more and more every time and their annoyance for me just grows and grows. Itโs such an isolating feeling when no one gets it and you canโt ever explain yourself enough to help them understand.
