ALI MUNSON ~ Fangirl & Writer {20+} She/Her

Almost.

One of the more unfortunate words to exist within the English language.

I almost made it. I almost kissed you. I almost told you.

For Eddie, it was gutting. He almost made it out of this hellish tomb. He almost flew but the sun had other plans for him. So, he fell, and when his plummeting body hit that concrete he wasn’t sure if he could get back up.

He almost didn’t….

Until he met you.

The quiet girl who often only existed within the realms of his daydreams. The girl who radiated light, not in the harsh way of the beating sun but like the comforting glow of the full moon at night. The one person who made Eddie’s palms sweat and his throat swell. He couldn’t even manage a meek ‘Hello,’ in passing, too shy. Too undeserving. So, his eyes would glide along the floor until he caught only a glimpse of your feet and even after you were long gone he was unable to look back over his shoulder at you. He could smell you though, the freshness of your perfume mixed with your shampoo if you ad washed your hair that day. Little things that kept the wheel of his imagination churning on.

It’s not that you were popular, actually, you were quite the opposite. An outcast, just like him, only prettier and a hell of a lot better at avoiding their loathsome stares and targeted brutality. You hid it better, suppressed it until you could walk over it, whereas Eddie couldn’t help but be ridiculously vocal about it. He didn’t care, not entirely, and he was nearly out of this shit hole any ways. Make waves or drown, right?

The only way Eddie was able to pluck up the courage to talk to you was through the thin wall of a bathroom stall where you would meet every Wednesday just as the final bell blew to dismiss everyone home. Over the last few months you had started a somewhat therapeutic clinic in the abandoned bathroom block hidden at the back of the high school. Now the forgotten space was used for the occasional smokers and substance takers. You claimed the middle stall as your own, cleaning it up slightly and treating it as your office. Sometimes you’d eat lunch there if you were feeling particularly vulnerable that day. The cheerleaders could be mean sometimes. Especially if provoked.

Outwardly you were overlooked and trodden on by your peers, but this separate identity of yours was praised and championed. It was strange, living both lives apart from the other, but you liked the anonymity. The shadows felt safe.

Some visited you regularly and when they couldn’t afford the $5 fee they would bring you other items of value like a fresh pack of ballpoint pens or something they had baked at home and brought for you to try. A lot of them were sweet, truly, but quite a few couldn’t handle the truth. You’d been yelled at numerous times, spat at through the walls and rattled to the core. They came around, eventually, all they needed was time and acceptance came with that.

For example, when you explained to Chrissy Cunningham that her reasons for feeling ill after eating wasn’t something necessarily physical but something punishing her mind. You suggested that she looked into the disorders of bulimia and anorexia and encouraged her to identify what caused her flare ups and triggered her illness. She had wailed, cursing your bloodline as she fled the building in tears. The following week she returned with a new outlook and a readiness to try to get better. You had helped her to reach out to a professional councillor for treatment and that’s what your message was. Healing took time and effort but it all started with opening up to someone worth trusting.

You slowly became that person for the students of Hawkins High.

—

Eddie was mistrusting at first. A nervous clam that was hard to crack open. At the beginning, your sessions together consisted of weighty silence with the occasional breath as one of you felt the urge to talk. More often than not people just need to sit with someone nonjudgmental. To know they are there and they aren’t alone. You liked those moments too, you felt allowed to exist as yourself with him. Unmasked.

“Hey…” The word left Eddie’s heart scrambling in his chest, as if he had done something wrong. He knew he was nervous over nothing but he couldn’t shake his need for control. If he opened up to you he would be totally exposed. Naked and willing. Unable to take it back. Unable to hide anymore.

The sound of denim rustling and a lightweight chain chiming hit your ears as Eddie fidgeted next to you, evidently uncomfortable and searching frantically for something to ground him. You expected this session to be no different to the previous.

“Please, don’t feel pressured to speak. We can take this at your own pace.” In front of you your eyes spotted a small beetle scuttling across the dirty tiled floor and you internally squirmed at the small creature.

“Sorry…” He choked as he dragged his hands through his hair, pushing his dampening fringe back and away from his sweaty forehead, “This, uh, this is new to me… I’m sorry.”

Instinctively you wanted to reach out and comfort him, “Don’t worry, me too. Sort of…” A soft smile found your face as Eddie released a sigh of relief into the still air.

“I cant imagine this is fun for you,” He shifted against the closed toilet seat lid, settling into his newfound welcome, “Listening to people bitch and moan must exhaust you.”

“Well, in a weird and self-indulgent way…” Momentary silence captivated you and you contemplated if you should show this side of yourself. You, more than anyone, knew the meaningfulness of relatability and how it only takes one thing to spark a deep conversation between two people. So, in a second of brave stupidity, you shared, hoping that the person on the other side of the wall felt a sense of belonging, “It makes me feel better about my own life. Knowing now that other students here struggle similarly to me makes me feel less of a target. I can ignore their taunts and eye rolls… I can see the human in them. Even when they don’t feel the same about me.”

Although Eddie couldn’t see you nor you him, his eyes slumped with appreciation and little by little his body relaxed into your presence, “Your empathy amazes me. Wish I could be as considerate.”

“Has high school been kind to you?” Deep down you knew the answer, your body could sense when someone like you settled down beside you. It’s like the souls spoke before anyone managed to open their mouths.

“Was hell kind to Satan when he first arrived?” A rhetorical question he expected you to laugh at but you remained unswayed, “No… high school has not been my best years. I’ll admit that good shit has came from my time here but… everything else is memorable in the worst way.”

“That’s why we focus on the good. Acknowledge the bad but don’t let it consume you.” He smiled then and rested his head against the adjoining wall. Through his nose he breathed your scent until it captivated him fully, lodging the breath until he was ready to reply.

His eyes watered, “I’m a little angry… no, fuck that. I’m really fucking angry. I’m so angry and I have been for years.”

For the first time in hours you were genuinely taken aback by this confession. But you remain voiceless, allowing him to vent.

“I’m not a bad guy,” He said it like he was trying to convince himself, “I look after people… I try to make sure no one feels the way that I have and yet you have people like douchebag Carver who treats people like they’re dogshit and he is worshipped like a God. Why is that? Why do people just… hate me..” It broke your heart to hear the croak in his voice and after allowing the emotion to level only then did you choose to respond.

“People… they often disregard what they don’t understand. They fear the unknown and the strange,” You searched for the words, chewing your bottom lip, “Jason is what they know, they find comfort in him because they have been brainwashed to believe that’s what the ‘norm’ should be. Surprisingly, not everyone has a kind heart. Not everyone cares.”

“They should…” He grumbled to himself, his polish chipped nails coming to pick the skin around his cuticles, “If people were more like you I think I would’ve actually gave a damn about school.”

The compliment seeped into your brain and you banked it there for a later visit, trying to remain as professional as possible and stay within the tender moment, “I’m sure you have people that cherish you and what you do for them. Like the people you have adopted. They may not treat you like a God but they treat you like a human being.”

Eddie bit back a loud chuckle then, his memory flickering to his role as Dungeon Master and how his little sheepie’s did treat him as a God during his meticulous campaigns. More importantly, though, he realised how right you were and he respected your way with words. Under normal circumstances he would be tongue tied right now and walking away in the opposite direction of you. He knew he'd be making the effort of returning to see you again.

Eddie slumped forward, resting his elbows on his knees and using his fist to hold up his tired head, “I feel like I could tell you anything.”

You sung a happy hum, “You can, if you feel comfortable.”

A moment of suspense passed, “Can I ask you something?”

“Okay.” Your stomach fluttered with uncertainty.

“Has high school been kind to you?” There was something special about this stranger. Something that made you feel unveiled and safe. No one had cared enough to ask you questions, but here you two were, defying the odds.

“Not as kind as it has been to others and not as brutal as it has treated many more unfortunate than I. I’m sort of in a grey area… I know people but I don’t particularly have many friends. I guess I’ve survived high school but not conquered it.” The truth left you feeling lighter but with a sourness lingering on your tongue that made you frown. Unbeknownst to you, Eddie was also saddened on the other side of the stall.

“Don’t lose hope, there are bound to be many quiet admirers that lurk these halls looking at you…” Him being one of them.

“That’s sweet of you, but I don’t want to be admired. Besides, only a few months left before graduation and in a couple of years none of this will matter. I’ll forget about it…” This time it was you that was trying to convince yourself of that statement. Maybe with time the memories of the torment will fade but the scars will remain. You’ll never look at skirts the same way and your hair won’t be pulled up into a ponytail for at least seven years. White sneakers will make you grimace and vanilla will always smell foul to you.

You’ll move on from Hawkins High but you wouldn’t recover.

“Unfortunately, our time is up… I’m sorry I spoke so much.” Eddie shook his head, alarmed at your discomfort.

“Trust me, you have no idea how much I enjoyed today. And hey, we actually talked this time. Progress.” You could hear the grin on his face and you couldn’t contain the heat spreading across your cheeks and nose as you smiled down into your notebook resting on your lap. The page open but blank. How charming.

“I’ll see you soon?” You asked, unsure.

“See ya next Wednesday, Doc. Oh, and here.” Beneath the cubicle, just at the small gap above the floor, his hand reached through with a $10 bill and as he hovered the money there you took notice of the unique silver rings adorning his fingers and the black watch strapped around his wrist.

“Oh, that’s too much—”

“Consider it a deposit for next time.” After ensuring the money met your fingertips Eddie exits the stall promptly, leaving you alone once more but this time with a amused grin ghosting your face and longing for more time.

You were growing fond of this client.

—

The sides of your ribs were in stitches, sore from laughing at countless sloppy jokes. You weren’t sure how you ended up here, spending hours after class with the same client twice a week now, but here you were. Tears streaming hot down your cheeks that also ached from your prolonged smile.

“Honest, these sessions help me get through the day… I look forward to them every time.” Talking was easy now, carefree with him and yet you still were unsure of his identity. Only hints of him existed in your mind. His staple rings, his black watch and the fresh minty smell of… shaving foam.

“Glad I could be of some assistance, Sweetheart.” His new nickname for you. He’d call you it constantly, the same adoration radiating from it each time. You’d never grow tired of it, never stop thinking about it or dreaming about it…

You’d miss him when you’d leave for home. Things would happen that you desperately longed to tell him about; like how your favourite mug had sadly lost its handle during a ferocious battle in the kitchen sink or how every time you thought about him you decided to write it down in your notebook. Those tallies went from once and turned into twelve times and twelve times turned into twenty-four. You had to know his name… you wanted to know him more.

Eddie was no different in comparison. It pained him to walk away from that stall, every time his feet would falter beneath him and stick to the tattered floor. He contemplated waiting there for you on the other side wearing nothing but a huge smile and a wild mop of hair. But, like a coward, he would run— not walk, but run to the parking lot and hurl himself into his van. You had come to know him more than anyone. You were burrowed beneath his skin now and there was no escaping you. He would see you in morning clouds on his drive to school. He’d search for you in every crowded room and supermarket isle. It was unbearable… he needed to know you.

“Y'know, I’m not taking your money today. Or anymore, for that matter.” You teased and your ink covered fingertip drew little circles on your thigh.

Eddie huffed, “Listen, it’s either you take it or I’m leavimg it on the floor for the roaches. You decide, Sweetheart.” His thumb toyed with the flint of a lighter, flicking the mechanism and occasionally lighting the flame.

A gasp escapes you, “That isn’t fair! I consider us friends now… you don’t pay friends for their time.” You chew the inside of your cheek as Eddie hums teasingly.

“Hmmm, I dunno. You still listen to my crap, which there is a lot more of, by the way. Wouldn’t feel right letting you take on that burden for free.”

A burden. He could never… not you.

“I like you— I like talking to you! I mean… uhm. It's nice, talking to you. I don’t mind it…” Your skin erupts in a warmth comparable to lava and you slap a palm to your forehead repeatedly.

Silly girl. Silly, silly girl.

You felt like screaming.

Eddie, however, has frozen to the spot. His restless limbs now like concrete as he processes what you’ve just said slowly. He couldn't believe it, but regardless, he beams and responds with a foggy brain, “I like you, too. I… I like this.”

The rigid moment dissolves into something diffused and for a long pause you both sit there. Basking in it.

“I… I nearly left last year, y’know? It’s hard to believe that I could’ve missed out on this.” Eddie’s gaze is trained on his clasped hands and his voice had a sombreness to it.

“Missed out on what?”

“You. This…” Your eyes flicker to the wall separating you, almost expecting to meet his eyes, but all you’re offered is old graffiti done in thick black sharpie.

‘Michelle is a whore! Yuck!’

Poor Michelle….

“What happened?” You quiz after your train of thought decided to take a detour.

He gulped, his mouth suddenly dry, “I met this girl at one of my gigs… she was an intern at one of the bigger labels and God, I was so close to getting a CD to her. But…” He punctured his bottom lip with his two front teeth, the memories rawer than they were seconds ago.

“But…?” You try to coax him in a way that was supportive.

“My uh… my Dad showed up. He fucked it… he fucked everything. Plus, Paige, the girl… she went off grid. Must’ve changed her number, or something.” Your jaw ticks and you blink away the water from your eyes. Of course there was another girl, how could you have been so foolish to believe this could be anything than what it is.

As if he could read your mind Eddie interrupted your self destruction, “It was strictly business. I hardly knew her… even now, I can't really recall her face.” You smoothed down your sweater, something you done often when you needed comfort. To self soothe.

“Your Dad… you haven’t really spoke about him.” Eddie now chewed on his thumb nail, picking off the polish and flicking it away with his tongue.

“He’s a total asshat. He was holed up for most of my childhood for petty crime and shortly after I moved in with my Uncle Way.. My Uncle William.” He regretted it as soon as he said it. Why didn’t he tell you the truth? Why didn’t he tell you about Wayne?

“Your Uncle? Why not your Mom?” The air shifted instantly to something tangible, you could feel it in the seconds it took Eddie to respond. Clearly, it was something not many people had asked him about before.

“She… she uh…” He almost couldn’t say it, “She died when I was young… terminal illness. It was a bit easier because I was only six but man did I miss her.” The frog jumped in his throat before he could conclude his sentence and you gave him a few moments to collect himself.

He still missed her. Every day….

“Tell me about her? What was her name—”

“Elizabeth.” He answered instantly through a teary smile, “Beth, for short. What my Dad called her…”

“I bet she was beautiful.”

“Oh, you’ve no idea,” He exclaims through a pant of a laugh that was equal parts love and loss, “Life with her was so… bright.” He remembered her as if it was only yesterday he had lost her…

He chuckles, “I remember this one time, after they had been to the grocery store, my Mom and I played a trick on my Dad,” He sniffled, his sinuses clearing, “I had asked for a bowl of cereal all the while my Mom had hid the milk in the cabinet. We watched my Dad search for the carton for a whole five minutes before we told him.”

You giggled, able to see the scene play out in your mind. Only the characters were faceless and slightly blurry…

“He was unimpressed but we laughed and laughed…” His giggles faded, “If I could go back I would in a heartbeat. There’s so much I wanna say to her…”

You could only imagine the weight of the world pressing on his shoulders. How he has carried that with him through his formative years into early adulthood. If anyone had an excuse to be an asshole, it was him. Yet, he remained kind even after being beaten and bruised.

“I feel guilty sometimes… because sometimes I forget about her. I.. forget my grief.” He breaks down then, a sob strangling his throat that he violently tries to swallow.

“That’s normal. That… that happens. Grief ebbs and flows… it comes in waves. Some stronger than the others.” The palm of your hand rests against the cubicle wall, reaching out for his touch and your temple follows to lean against it.

“I wonder if life would’ve been different with her here… I question if I would've turned out somewhat normal.” Eddie was calmer now, letting his emotions wash over him and away again.

“Normal is overrated.”

“It is. I'm sure she’d agree, too,” Suddenly exhausted he collapses back on the covered toilet seat, letting his back collide with the water tank, “I swear I can still smell the pancakes she’d make in the morning. Only on a Sunday as a treat before the school week but wow… best fucking pancakes I’d ever had. Nothing compares.”

You laughed softly, “Sounds like you need to learn how to make a mean pancake.”

“I definitely do.”

“Maybe you’ll let me taste test one…” A desperate attempt of yours to drive the friendship further.

“Maybe I will, Sweetheart. Maybe I will.” His voice drops low, insecure and pensive.

“Next time… can we ditch the stalls? I’d really like to meet you—”

“You have met me.” He fires back.

“Fine! I'd like to see you. Know you…” Now it was your turn to shell up. Terrified of what he might say.

“…Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes, yes. Okay. But don’t look too disappointed when you discover who is behind this charm and raw sex appeal.”

You chuckled, “I don't think you could ever disappoint me.”

We’ll see about that…

“I have to head on home now, but I’ll see you on Friday? 3.30pm at the… bench?”

You knew the place, It’s where all the jocks and the cheerleaders met for their not so discreet drug deals and tasteless hookups.

“I’ll see you then.” You tried not to sound so excited though it proved impossible.

“It’s a date.”

—

Wednesday evening through to Friday was nothing short of tortuous and when Thursday night eventually rolled around, after many anticipated hours, you couldn’t will sleep with all the noise parading around in your head. Trumpets of doubt and drums of triumph.

You stayed up late into the early hours of dawn, tossing and turning and rehearsing the perfect conversation filled with witty one liners and blushing cheeks. Giddily you pictured a kiss... slow and sensual. And a embrace that blanketed you in fulfilment. It had you smiling up at your darkened ceiling, your eyes watching the blades of the fan swirl around slowly. During that girlish moment you also found yourself reminded of the other way which this could go. You tried to prepare for the worst outcome; the disappointment.

What if it was him riddled with regret on his face?

What if he was repulsed by what he saw?

These lonely thoughts became the downward spiral that robbed you of any rest at all. In fact, it inspired you to leave the warmth of your bed at 5:00am and begin getting ready for the day ahead. Classes weren’t until 9:00am but you couldn’t stop yourself, you had to do something. Shave your legs, pluck your eyebrows and scrub your skin until smooth.

From an outside perspective you look utterly insane in that bathroom, doing the unthinkable at that hour in the morning, but you struggled to find reasons to care. You’d show up at that bench today looking your absolute best if it was the last thing you did.

Walking down the traffic stricken hallway you met each fleeting face with suspicion and a quirked eyebrow. Your brain rushing around to string the pieces of the puzzle together before the end of the school day.

It was one of your many flaws, your need to know the future before it presents itself.

Frustration found you in your first class of the day when you couldn’t focus on a single thing spewing from the sub teachers mouth. Your pupils too busy darting to the clock above the door every five seconds and watching the minutes tick by.

9:30, 9:45, 9:47, 9:50, 9:53, 10:00…

Pathetically, you wanted to scream at the mechanism to hurry up.

After discovering that your wishful thinking wasn’t going to make the clock hands move any faster you slumped your body down over your desk, using your open textbook as your pillow as your eyelids sunk over your eyes and you drifted to sleep for a short while.

Eddie was unable to contain his excitement and even without an ounce of sleep he was still able to climb the walls with buckets of energy possessing him. Whenever he would see you he’d nearly combust into flames, he felt like a little kid in a candy store, grinning at your choice of outfit and the makeup around your eyes. You did that for him and he was absolutely enthralled by it. The party commented on his ridiculously good mood at lunch and how out of character it was for a campaign as gut wrenching as today. Then, they thought the worst when Eddie revealed that Hellfire was postponed that evening.

“Who died? Was it Carver? Are we celebrating?” Gareth investigated with a michevious smirk across the cafeteria but Eddie said nothing. He wanted to keep you a secret for now. Until he was sure… until he was certain that you wouldn’t run away as soon as you saw him.

“None of your business, ladies.” He chomped into the side of a red apple, his eyes scoping the canteen as he searched for you. Sure enough, he found you with ease near the lunch ladies where you chatted away with them. The older women smiled and laughed with you and you picked away at the slop on your plate. Pushing the mush around before you decided dessert was due.

His heart picked up to a record breaking pace and he felt like he could run a mile right there and then with the adrenaline flooding his blood stream.

“Jesus, Eddie, nervous much?” He hadn’t noticed that his bouncing leg was shaking the entirety of the lunch table. Jolting lunch trays and sodas as if they were experiencing an earthquake.

“No? I’m excited… for the campaign tomorrow.”

“If you were that excited we would be doing it today. What gives?” Dustin really could get on his nerves sometimes.

“Like I said, Dusty-Bun, it’s none of your—”

“Is this another Chrissy Cunningham special?” Gareth wiggles his eyebrows and Eddie flinches, disgusted.

“What? No. Ew, that was a one time deal and nothing happened—”

“Then who is it you’re meeting later?” Jeff asks, leaning in closer to Eddie, “You can tell us. Promise… we’ll be nice.”

“Okay. That’s it. Fuck you guys, I’m leaving,” He kicks out his seat, the metal legs screeching across the floor, “You,” He singles out Mike, “Through my lunch away.”

Mike meets him with a nod and an eye roll and Eddie shoots off from the table, fleeing away to somewhere more private where he can collect himself and his thoughts. His excitement was slowly starting to twist and expand into anxiety and the longer he waited for the end of the day to arrive the more difficult it got.

He started to picture your face, contorted with terror and disgust when you realise after all this time it’s been him on the other side of that stall.

It was funny, actually, because now more than ever he wanted to sit in that cubicle and talk to you about it. About his raging feelings for you.

He couldn’t, he knew that and it drove him fucking crazy.

When the final bell sounded, signalling the weekend, you weren’t the only person eager to make it out of the bloated hallways plagued with mild B.O. and booming voices. Instead of the main entrance at the front of the school that undoubtedly would be mobbed with a stampede of students you opted for the quieter side door that lead straight out towards the woods.

After fighting your way through the whipping branches and soft ground you were a whole twenty minutes early when you arrived at the table, too jittery to wait for him to meet you there. You needed time to prepare, to pace around and sort through your earlier thoughts and ideas.

What was good enough to say? What was totally unusable and lame?

These were the things you needed to know.

In the time it took for the twenty minutes to pass you had already talked yourself out of leaving on four different occasions and around the picnic table you had paved an evident path through the leaves in a huge circle. You spoke to yourself aloud, losing track of all time and meaning. You were calmer now but you also hadn’t even stopped to question if he were coming or not.

That’s when you decided to pace in the other direction which drags a unexpected yelp from your throat and causes one of your hands to fly up and clutch at your pounding heart in your chest as you nearly collide into someone at full speed.

“Oh god, Sorry! I didn’t see you— Oh, Eddie. Hi! Are you… are you meeting someone here?” You knew he used this spot regularly for quick visits with his clientele and through avoiding his gaze you shift down to admired his hands, “I can totally leave and come… back… wait…” You trail off, your eyes clocking the black watch on his wrist and the rings decorating his fingers.

“Eddie?” Your blown eyes find the shy smile teetering on his lips. If he didn’t know any better he may mistake your surprise for horror.

“Surprise, Sweetheart…” There goes all his confidence, out the fucking window.

“Wait—” you squint at him, “Your Uncles name isn’t William.”

Slowly, the hornets in his chest dissolve, “Correct.”

“It’s Wayne. Wayne Munson—”

“Which is exactly why I couldn’t tell you. You’re too smart, you would’ve figured me out instantly.” You beamed up at him, getting lost in the depths of his eyes.

“You’re… taller than I remember.” Eddie shrugs his jacket from his shoulders, tossing it onto the bench.

“It’s been a long time since we spoke, and possibly forever since we were this close to one another,” Suddenly coy you take a small step away from him but Eddie matches the step towards you, “That wasn’t a complaint. Just an observation…”

Like how he observed the the pink in your face that definitely was unrelated to the makeup touched gently onto your features.

“Are you… disappointed?” You couldn’t look at him. Why couldn’t you look a him? He may be the most handsome man you’ve laid eyes on in this dump of a town and you couldn’t muster the strength to look at his perfect face—

“Me?” He chuckles lightheartedly, “Sweetheart, I was about to ask you the same question.”

With caution his fingers tilt your chin up until he can see the mesmerising colour of your eyes, “You have got to be the textbook definition of perfect If I've ever seen one.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m serious!” He exclaims, “Don’t give me that sass, y’hear? I might grow to like it too much.”

He was relentless, like the prickling warmth scorching your entire body, “I.. I’m so relieved that it’s you.” You confess and Eddie melts, nearly succumbing to gravity.

His Cheshire Cat smile goes straight to your head, “Yeah?”

“Definitely. If it was anyone else I think I may have ran for the hills by now…” You gnaw on the inside of your check.

“Hey, me too… me too,” All too quickly his fingers tuck a fallen strand of hair behind your ear before his touch is gone again. Leaving you yearning for more, “Shall we sit down?”

Your thighs settle against the warped wood of the bench, cold against the blazing skin through your jeans, “So… Eddie Munson.”

“In the flesh.” He fidgets with his arms, crossing them and uncrossing them over his chest.

“Did you know it was me? Through the wall.”

“The whole time.” He said it so casually it made your head spin at x2 speed.

“No way, you couldn’t have—”

“Mhm, I did,” He smiles down at his clasped hands outstretched on the table in front of him, “Did you suspect it was me? Did you have any ideas…?”

“Nope. Not a clue… only reason I knew it was you right now was because of your rings. And your watch,” You nod down towards the items, “When you’d pass me money through the stall I would see them. Catch glimpses…”

He clapped, “Very good, Detective. Very good…”

You bow where you sit, angling yourself forward from your hips and tipping you’re imaginary hat towards him, “Thank you, kind sir.”

Fuck, Eddie was smitten.

“Next time we hang out we should hit Benny’s diner… not as good as it once was but I think the pancakes are decent enough…” Your body stills for a moment, not rigidly but motionless enough to peak concern from Eddie, “What? Do I have something on my face—”

“Are you asking me out? On a date…” This time you took great pleasure in watching Eddie’s face glow in a colour similar to a tomato.

“Possibly… maybe…” He grabs a piece of his hair, hiding part of his face behind it, “Yes.”

“Well… I’d also like to add to that invitation, if I may?” Sitting here with him felt so natural. So… meant to be.

“Please do.”

“Pancakes at Benny’s and a movie later in the night?” The sunlight peeks through the trees and illuminates your eyes in a luminosity Eddie can only describe as ethereal.

“Sounds great—”

“The catch is, though… next time you have to make the pancakes. And I get to eat them.” Your posture straightens and Eddie nods whilst he chuckles.

“Okay. Sold, to the pretty girl with the remarkable eyes.” His attempt at an English accent catches you totally off guard and you burst into laughs, your hand shooting up to cover your open lips.

“Where on Earth did that come from?”

“I don’t know! You make me so nervous… next I’ll be pulling a rabbit out of a hat.” The giggles continued at an alarming rate and you feared you may run out of breath soon.

With a huge sigh, “I love this.”

I love you…

You thought but didn’t say.

“I love it, too. Love our time together, Sweetheart. Wish I could spend every second here with you…” Your brain doesn’t register his hand holding yours until after he ceased talking and looking down at the limbs intertwined had your heart leaping and singing with joy.

“Maybe this can be our new spot… amongst many other places.” The suggestion is punctuated by a soft squeeze from Eddie’s fingers.

“I think I’d really like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah… I’d like that a lot,” He pauses and you see in his eyes the gears turning, “Fridays are campaign days, though… is that cool with you?”

“Perhaps you can teach me the ways of Dungeons and Dragons…? I’d love to see the master at work,” God, you knew just what to say, “Once I’ve learned the ropes I could possibly join the club? Maybe we can have some solo adventures together, too.” You’d winked.

And his brain nearly exploded.

“Deal.”

“Deal?—”

“Yes, yes! Deal! Say no more because I am all in, pretty girl.”

And for those incredible remaining hours together you giggled and snorted like there was no tomorrow. No one else existed but you and him and slowly, then all at once you came to realise that….

You shared a quick glance with Dustin in which he seemed to say ‘this one’s on you’. Unfortunately, Eddie caught on. “What’s that look for? What are you both doing?”

Dustin got to his feet, “I’m going to check on Max.” He said and scurried away as fast as he could.

Confused, Eddie turned to where you were avoiding his face and kneeled to sit beside you. He gently reached over and cupped your chin, tugging it towards him. Your eyes, riddled with guilt, met his.

“It’s just a fail safe.” You started when Eddie made a sound of protest. “The Upside Down is- things always go wrong and I-”

Eddie shook his head. “No, I need you to listen to me. I didn’t propose to you for a fail-safe. We are walking in and out of there together, am I clear?“

The mall's winding down by the time you finally push through the employee’s only door into the corridor with your bag slung over your shoulder. Your feet hurt, your back hurts, and if you have to fold one more pile of neon windbreakers this week, you might actually lose your damn mind.

You tug off your hat and drag a hand through your hair with a frown, sighing. The paycheck better be worth this misery. You let out another breath as you pass the arcade, catching a glimpse of a pair of white Reeboks sticking out from behind one of the games. You take a few steps over, peeking around the arcade doors to look in at them. Eddie’s leaning over a game cabinet hitting every button imaginable while Gareth stands beside him actually playing said game. 

Gareth notices you first, "Oh, thank God." He says flatly, eyes flicking up to you with amusement. "Your boyfriend sucks." 

Eddie whips around fast and the second he sees you his whole face lights up. "Baaaats!" He grins, loud enough that the two kids at the pinball machine look over. "Holy shit, babe. You're off work!” He grins, stepping close enough to wrap an arm around your waist. "You look tired. My poor little mall employee." 

Your head thunks against his shoulder and you sigh, "I hate teenagers." 

"Yeah?" He asks, rubbing a hand up and down your back. "Me too. They're little assholes." 

Your exhaustion starts to ease as the weight of his arms settle in around you. He kisses your head, whispering against your hair. "You eat yet?" 

You shake your head. "Had an Orange Julius and the souls of eleven children." 

"Nice. A balanced meal, I'd say." 

"Ed, today really sucked." You sigh, nuzzling as close as your bodies will allow. 

He tucks your hair back behind your ear, "what happened?" He asks softly.

"Some lady yelled at me because we didn’t have her size in jeans." 

"That does sound like your fault, actually." He teases quietly. You pinch his side and he yelps, "Ow! Abusive relationship, much?" 

"You deserve worse." You mumble softly. 

Gareth makes a gagging noise a few feet away. "Can you two either kiss or fight and get it over with? We're trying to play a game." 

Eddie glances at him and shakes his head. "She's had a hard day, Gareth. Relax." He chuckles before his eyes light up, "Oh shit, Bats. Baby, c'mere." 

You sigh, shaking your head.

He juts out his lip, pouting. "Pleaseee? I need you. I'm losing to Gareth, my reputation is on the line." 

Before you can protest again, Eddie is dragging you towards the machine. It's some fighting game you vaguely recognize from the thousands of hours Eddie's spent here. The screen flashes bright colors across your tired eyes. You sigh. "I don't know how to play this." 

"That's okay," He smiles and shrugs, nudging you in front of the machine, crowding close behind you as he reaches around to tap the controls. "Neither do I. I just hit buttons." You can feel the warmth of his chest against your back immediately. "Punch button. Kick button. Think that's all." He says softly near your ear.

You chuckle, "that's the tutorial you're giving me?" 

"Baby, I'm workin' with what I got." 

Gareth chooses his character, grinning, "you're both gonna lose." He says as the game starts and you do lose in less than a minute.

"What the fuck was that, Gareth?" Eddie yells, startling the pinball kids again. 

"That was winning." He shrugs. 

Eddie looks at him, baffled, "Jesus, you can't brutalize my girlfriend!”

"She agreed to play!" 

"You're supposed to go easy on her, asshole." Eddie huffs, rolling his eyes. 

You're laughing too hard to stand upright by yourself then, so you lean back against Eddie's chest as he keeps one arm around your middle. Your only support. "Sounds nice." He chuckles near your ear, kissing right below your lobe. 

"What?" you ask, turning your head to look at him.

"Your laugh.” He shrugs, his thumb rubbing absentminded little circles along your stomach. "You looked all sad when you walked in here." 

You smile at him just a bit wider. "You're really sappy today, you okay?" 

"Mhm." He chuckles and smiles, shrugging. "Just love you." 

"Disgusting." Gareth groans.

Eddie whips his head around, his eyebrows lifting. "Oh you're just jealous nobody holds you at the arcade." He teases. "You want me to hold you, Gare-bear?" 

"I'd rather fucking die." 

"You're saying that now, but—" Eddie laughs as Gareth reaches out to smack his shoulder. 

You accepted it begrudgingly from his hands. “You know, one day I'll be able to reach for things myself.”

“Not while I’m around,” he said without hesitation, before nudging your shoulders. “So…what are we making?”

“Cookies!” You grinned, already moving to pull the sugar and eggs.

Steve’s brows lifted. “Oh no, you’re going to bake again?” He said solemnly.

“What’s supposed to mean?” You pointed a wooden spoon at him threateningly.

“Only that the last time you attempted baking, you almost burnt the whole house down.”

“Well,” you ignored his words. “You can either help or leave.”

“I’m helping.” He quickly rushed out, pushing his sleeves up. “I can’t stand around and watch as you turn the kitchen into your own disaster zone.” That earned a laugh out of you, leaning against the counter to catch your breath.

And Steve couldn’t help but stare for just a second longer than he should have. God, there it was again—that laugh, like somehow the whole room got brighter because you smiled at him.

He busied himself before you could catch him staring, turning his gaze onto the items in front of you. You bumped your shoulder with his. “You’re such a good best friend.”

The words hit him like a brick, but he smiled anyway. If being your best friend meant spending every Saturday morning in your kitchen, stealing excuses to make you smile and hoping, just once, that you’d catch one of the countless hints he’d been dropping, he would gladly do it.

Steve wasn’t exactly subtle, he hadn’t been for a very long time. He didn’t just know the broad things about you that everyone should know, he remembered the tiny details most people missed. How you always forgot to bring a jacket with you so he’d make sure to wear one to slip around your shoulders. The books that held a special place in your heart, the name of your childhood dog, he even noticed when you trimmed your hair only an inch.

He did all the gentleman-y things without being yours, walking on the outside of the sidewalk to protect you without thinking, pulling your chair out before you sat down, door handles held open before you could reach them. Absentmindedly holding your hand to help you over puddles, only letting go once he knew you were steady.

Robin had called him out on it more than once. “You know you’re basically acting like her boyfriend, right?”

“What if she doesn’t see it that way?” Doubt crept into his voice.

Robin stared at him for a long moment before sighing. “Then she’s either blind…or choosing not to see it.”

Steve prayed the second one wasn’t true. He convinced himself at first that perhaps you didn’t feel the same. That you simply saw him as your best friend, nothing more, nothing less.

It stung more than he could admit aloud, but he had made peace with it. Though during fleeting moments, every now and then, he’d catch you staring at him. Not when he was talking, or when everyone else was laughing, just looking like you were studying him.

Your eyes would linger for a heartbeat too long before your gazes would lock, looking away with a sheepish smile. And every single time, a glimmer of hope unfurled in his chest. Maybe there was something there after all, maybe he wasn’t imagining the way your face softened whenever he gave you a small smile, maybe the lingering glances meant what he desperately wanted them to mean.

He just hadn’t figured out how to make you realize he wasn’t looking at you that way because you were his best friend. He was looking at you that way because he’d fallen hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you.

Eddie Munson entered your life the way most things did in Hawkins, completely by fate. When you had initially wandered into Family Video to visit Steve during his shift, you ended up arguing with the long haired metal head over The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

“I’ll telling you, it’s unnecessarily disgusting.” You scrunched your nose, horror movies having never been up your alley.

Eddie looked personally offended, slapping a hand over his chest dramatically. “It’s art.”

“It’s about a man chasing people with a chainsaw to murder them.” You crossed your arms, the back and forth was strangely endearing.

Steve had watched the entire exchange from behind the counter, staying silent. You walked out that evening with a movie tape tucked under your arm, and somehow, a new friend,

At first, Steve didn’t think much of it, you deserved more than one friend, and you had plenty of love to go around. Besides, Eddie was funny, you laughed around him the same way you laughed around everyone you cared about. It was fine, really.

Then the little things started, Eddie began showing up more often, swinging by your place “just because.” He’d offer to walk you home if Steve was working late, bring rock and roll cassette tapes he swore you’d love, though Steve told himself it wasn’t a competition, he was only doing the same things he did.

That was the problem he realized, he was acting exactly like Steve. “You remembered my favorite candy?” You smiled so brightly at Eddie that Steve nearly dropped the glass cup in his hands.

Eddie rubbed the back of his neck nonchalantly. “You mentioned it once.”

Steve had also said those same words a hundred times whenever you questioned how he always remembered your favorite everything, his stomach sank.

A few days later, Eddie held the library door open for you, Steve frowned at the sight, that was his thing. Then he gave you his leather jacket when the weather turned chilly, that was Steve’s job.

By the end of the week, Steve had watched Eddie insist on paying for your milkshake, and unconsciously position himself between you and a speeding bicycle, never known to be the careful one.

Steve sighed. “Oh.”

Robin glanced upwards from where she was supposed to be alphabetizing returns. “What now?”

“I think Munson likes her.” He really didn’t want to speak those words into existence.

The worst part was how Robin didn’t even hesitate. “Yeah, for like, two weeks.”

Steve groaned, slapping his forehead onto the counter underneath. “And what am I supposed to do?”

Robin tilted her head knowingly. “I don’t know, Steve. Maybe ask her out?” She deadpanned.

He looked horrified. “…Or,” she continued. “Keep staring at her like a lovesick puppy, while Eddie does the same exact thing. Whatever this weird mating ritual is, keep me out of it.”

Steve couldn’t help comparing himself, Eddie was everything he wasn’t. Eddie naturally attracted attention, he played the guitar—well at that, he may be a high school dropout but he was not shy of being himself. Steve? He worked at a video store and got nervous whenever you got a little too close.

‘Muson’s cooler than me.’ The thought lingered longer than he’d liked. Then another thought followed, convincing him to try harder, Steve might’ve fallen into second place, but he was still in the game.

If Eddie was bringing you music to fall asleep to, Steve was showing up in the morning with blueberry muffins straight out of the oven.

If Eddie complimented your outfit, saying it was, “very metal,” Steve was already telling you your smile looked pretty before he could even realize the words left his mouth.

Steve dropped by your house one night after work, you swung open the door at the first knock. “There you are!” You beamed. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

His heart immediately forgot how to function. “You—you have?”

“Mhm!” You quickly pulled him inside, excitement written all over your features. “Come here,” you dragged him all the way to the living room, where the thousand-piece puzzle you’d been working on all week sat proudly on the coffee table.

Only, there wasn’t missing a single piece, Steve blinked. “You finished it?” He asked.

You nodded triumphantly. “I finished it.” You confirmed. “And look, I finally figured out that impossible section.”

Steve leaned over, trying very hard not to smile too much, you meant the section Steve helped you with once you had given up. You looked so ridiculously proud of yourself that Steve’s eyes sparkled with pride. “You did good.” He praised.

Your face lit up. “Really?” When he nodded surely, without thinking you threw your arms around him, Steve hugged you back automatically.

Then, just as quickly, you angled your head and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Thanks for helping.” You said it like it was the most natural thing in the world, before turning back to admire your work.

Steve, on the other hand, stopped functioning. His hand drifted to the spot on his cheek, his throat closing up and skin flushed. As you left towards the kitchen to grab a drink, Steve remained rooted to his spot, busy replaying those last two seconds in his head.

Not even a day later, Steve spotted you in the trailer park, Eddie having just finished saying something that made you laugh.

You stepped forward and wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, burying your face against his shoulder for a second as you inhaled his strong masculine scent.

Steve stopped walking, the smile he’d been wearing since last night faltered. You hadn’t done anything wrong, you hugged everyone, but never after he had allowed himself to think the kiss on his cheek meant something.

Across the park, Eddie met Steve’s eyes over your shoulder, neither of them looked away. A slow infamous grin spread across his face while Steve’s brow twitched, message received. Things were far from over.

Meanwhile, you finally pulled away, completely oblivious to the silent rivalry unfolding right next to you. “So,” you looked between them brightly. “Who wants ice cream?” They both raced to pay for it at the register.

Steve had finally had enough, he was no longer going to stand around and wonder whether there could ever be a possibility of something between you.

After standing in front of the florist for an embarrassingly long time, he settled on a bouquet of pale pink carnations, and white lilies. He didn’t buy them because he thought they’d make you fall in love, it was just what he remembered seeing in movies where the boy attempted to be romantic.

The entire drive over, he rehearsed the words in his head like a mantra, he desperately didn’t want to mess up, but he needed to communicate all the thoughts he’s been holding in for the past months.

Once he approached your driveway, voices drifted through the air, coming from right in front of your house.

“…Can I tell you something?” It was Eddie’s voice, he realized. Steve froze in his tracks. “I think it’s kind of obvious by now,” he chuckled nervously.

Steve’s heart stopped, it seemed like he wasn’t the only one who thought today was the day.

“I like you.” The words made him go pale, looking down at the flowers in his hand. He was too late, you’d pick Eddie.

“I know.” You finally spoke gently. Steve squeezed his eyes shut, regretting he had come all this way for nothing. “But—”

You paused, he listened closely. “I don’t feel that way.” You lowered your tone. “ I think you’re incredible, Eddie. Really, anyone would be lucky to have you…that someone just isn’t me.”

You smiled sadly. “You’re my best friend, and—my heart’s already somewhere else.”

A laugh escaped Eddie, shaking his head amusingly. “I had a feeling.” You stepped closer, wrapping him a hug.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. As he turned to the side, his eyes landed on Steve, holding flowers, and looking like someone who deserved you more than he ever could.

“Don’t be.” Eddie replied, smirking. Steve snapped back to reality as he walked over, clapping his hand shoulder on the way. “Your turn, Harrington.”

Steve stared at him for a moment, then toward where you were heading for your front steps, then back at the flowers. “Oh, screw it.”

He hurried around the side of the house just as you stepped onto the porch, your eyes widened. “Steve?” You exclaimed.

“Hi, uh,” he looked at you nervously, suddenly forgetting his whole speech. “I brought you flowers.” He pushed them into your chest unexpectedly.

You looked at them and smiled sweetly. “I can see that, thank you, Steve.”

“But…” he cleared his throat. “I didn’t bring them just because, I brought them because I wanted to tell you that—”

“That?” You raised your brows, waiting for him to finish.

“That I’m in love with you.” He pulled the trigger, immediately his breath afterwards.

Your mouth dropped, for a moment, all you could was stare. “You are…?”

Steve laughed nervously, running his hands through his hair. “Yeah.” He swallowed. “And I know that’s probably not what you were expecting, considering we’re friends and all—and if you don’t feel the same, I understand. I just—I really couldn’t keep pretending anymore.”

You blinked twice, then a strange look took over your features, weirdly affectionate. “Steve.” He braced himself. “I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”

His brows knitted together. “You’ve been waiting?” He repeated.

You laughed softly. “I mean, you showing up right now is quite the surprise. But,” your smile turned shy. “I’ve been waiting for this.”

Steve’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. “I don’t understand.” He said breathlessly.

“Steve,” you sighed. “You’re the only one who knows me better than I know myself. And, I’ve never wanted anyone else.”

“I just thought,” you shrugged, cheeks warming. “You were waiting until you were ready.”

Steve let out a disbelieving laugh, shaking his head. “I was trying to show you all this time.”

“I wanted to hear you say the words.” You suddenly stepped closer, until all that separated you were a few inches.

His eyes searched yours, comforting silence settled between you. “So, do you love me too?” He whispered.

“I’ve been waiting for you, remember?” Then you reached up, cupping his face in your hands, and instead of your kiss landing on his cheek, it aimed straight for his lips.

No matter how many days you wake up now, whether it be after a mid-day nap or a somewhat full night's sleep, you're faced with the reality that this all isn't a dream.

The timeframe for you to be able to get a DNA test is steadily approaching.

The results can make or break your life.

You decide not to worry about it today, because Steve's coming over. It doesn't stop him from calling you a million times, though.

He's being more worrisome than you are, but you know that's just because he cares.

Steve shows up with a collection of chocolate goodies and another pillow as you expected. And oddly, a bag of a couple of onions.

You stand to greet him.

"Oh no, you don't." He says. "You should rest."

"I've been resting all day, Steve. Can't I say hi?" You chuckle.

He places everything down on the table in front of the couch, then hugs you. His hand soothes your lower back with gentle circles.

"Munson told me to be sure I brought onions. I thought he was joking."

"My cravings."

"...You're craving onions?" He asks with an adored chuckle.

"With honey."

"Well then. Have at it."

"Not right now."

"Why?"

"I don't want to gross you out with onion breath." You laugh.

"A bit late for being uncomfortable with me, honey. We've already seen each other's bodies."

"Gosh. Whatever, Harrington." You say, hugging him tighter.

"I've got you some sweet stuff, in the meantime."

"I think that will do."

___________________________________________________

Steve's sitting up as you're leaned against the armrest of the couch, and your legs are draping over his lap.

He's giving your thighs gentle squeezes as you're both absorbed in an episode of Jeopardy.

"Name of the band known for 'I Was Made For Lovin You, 1979"

Eddie would know this off the top of his head. Steve doesn't. His brows are furrowed.

"Are you seriously confused over this, Harrington? It's KISS!"

"...I knew that."

"You are impossible." You laugh.

He moves you to sit into his lap. "I apologize for displeasing you." He jokes.

"That sounded...almost sarcastic."

"It wasn't." He says, his voice getting softer.

The TV drowns out because you and Steve aren't even paying attention. You've got each other lip locked after two seconds of unwavering eye contact.

He's gripping you into place with his hand cupping the back of your neck.

"Steve." You chuckle, breaking up the kiss.

"Mhm?" He responds with a dopey grin on his face.

"I'm trying to watch Jeopardy."

"You looked at my lips first."

"You kissed me first."

"I take full responsibility for that."

"You are exhausting." You yawn.

His look goes from playful to concerned. "You tired?"

"Yeah. It's..."

"The baby."

"Taking over my life already, aren't they?" You joke.

"Come on. I'm taking you to bed."

Steve gives no room for further discussion, and takes you to the bedroom bridal style.

For a moment, you remember just how chaotic your room sounded nights ago, in contrary to the quiet of now.

"I'll be here while you sleep, alright? I won't leave until you ask."

"I don't think I will." You say through drowsiness. "I'll be up later, Steve."

He kisses your temple and pulls the blanket over you before retreating to the living room.

Your heart mixes with confliction.

___________________________________________________

The day all three of you waited arrives.

You can finally get the DNA tests.

Arriving to a clinic with two men should embarrass you, but it doesn't. You're fully aware of what you did that night.

The thoughts and opinions of the people around you doesn't change the fact that the baby will have parents who care for it. There's bigger fish to fry.

"I'll be by in ten minutes to pick you up. Is Harrington coming? He better be, I swear." Eddie says, sounding stressed.

"He's a man of his word, Eddie. You don't have to worry."

"I know... shit. This will really be it."

"I'm ready and waiting for you." You smile. "You've both been keeping me sane."

"I'm coming over, okay? Try not to stress so much."

"Noted, sir." You joke.

"Don't call me that, hon. Might stir us up some more trouble." A smirk can be heard in his voice.

"See you soon, Eddie." You laugh.

"See ya."

___________________________________________________

The cold air and sterile smell of the clinic only make your anxiety worse. You're playing with your fingers as Steve and Eddie are sitting on either side of you.

When you get called up, Steve and Eddie are present.

"And what are we doing today?" The front desk woman asks.

"DNA test." You answer.

She pauses, looking between all of you. She doesn't say anything, but you can tell it's clicked to her.

"Okay. I'll just need the required information."

She hands you all papers. Your hand shakes slightly as you sign them.

This is the most real your reality has felt.

___________________________________________________

Leaving the clinic has your ears ringing, the anxiety of the possibility of the results freshly settling in.

"Hey, slow down." Eddie says softly. He and Steve are trying to catch up to your speeding steps.

"Do you need us today?" Steve asks.

Your eyes sting with tears.

"Guys. I just need...one day to myself."

"Are you sure?" Eddie soothes.

"Yes. Just one."

They share worried glances between each other.

"... Okay. I'll take you home." Eddie says, pressing a hand to your lower back as he helps you walk away.

Steve watches you both walk away, a pang of something in his heart.

___________________________________________________

The next few weeks are a mental nightmare. Your strengthening pregnancy symptoms and the usual deadline for you to receive results.

Your heart battles with the confusion of loving two men in your own way.

You're looking down at the envelope on the table from the clinic, staring at it so hard your eyes go dazed.

You rip open the envelope with jittery nerves, taking the paper from the envelope. Your heart plunges to a depth you've never felt before.