Allie's Thoughts

I am always alone. I am always staring at that empty spot where I wish someone is at. Not just someone who will accompany me to places. I want the person who sits there to be someone I’m in a relationship with. It has been a while since my last relationship. And, I do admit thay it was my fault why it ended. He loved me with all he could, but I was not able to love him the way we both wanted and expected me to. I wanted to give him all the love I could, but I just wasn’t able to. Honestly, I just couldn't bring myself to. It was a special time for me. That was the first time someone sincerely gave me his heart, and I had felt all his love. All he did was give. All I could do wasreceive. And, I just felt so guilty to keep on receiving when I had nothing to give, not even a little bit. All I want is to be able to find that person who I’ll be able to love. I just want to fall for someone who would also be madly in love with me. I want to find that someone who would love me the way that guy I left and be able to also give my heart to him. I want to love someone with no inhibitions and no second-guessing. I want to love someone who is equally in love with me that he would woo me over and over again. I just want someone I can love and call mine. Too bad, I have way too many trauma, fears and doubts when it comes to love. I need someone to change that.

This says EVERYTHING! 😂😂😂

Hello anon :) I'm sorry that I just saw this

You know what hurts the most? It’s knowing that you were never good enough for anyone to stay. It’s knowing no one loved you enough to accept you just the way you are. It’s you loving those people with everything you’ve got and not getting the same thing. It’s hurts the most when you’ve continued to love them even when they’ve already turned their backs and walked away. It’s the most painful when you’re standing there with nothing as they walked away with everything that you had to give. That’s when and what hurts the most.

Every morning when I wake up I find myself paralyzed. My mind just whirls into a million different paths and it's not fun. They're the kind of path that takes you into the dark and continues to pull you further and further. When I wake up, I just have this urge to cry my eyes out. Sometimes the thoughts just come out of nowhere and the darkness just keeps getting worst. I just am stuck in that bed staring at the ceiling being attacked by all these really bad things to think about. I'm stuck in my bed trying to fight off all these thoughts that breaks me everytime. It's hard. I sometimes find myself just laying there for hours, my eyes red from all the efforts I put into not letting my tears fall, not having any motivation to get up and start my day. It's really hard waking up, finding myself alone, just wishing for someone to be there to hold me. I just lay there wishing that someone was there to hold and comfort me, letting me know that I'm not alone. Because, honestly, that's all I need. That's has always been what I ever need. And, it's too painful to admit that not one person cares.