Alexi.

pancakes! If I'm not too lazy, I'll post the cooking. (It was a nightmare)

happy pride month❤

Yes, I'm not promising any drawings yet, the muse has apparently gone on a binge. But at least live words, pieces of reality, I'll leave that to you. I will try.

I decided to start in April. And to be honest, nothing like fireworks happened in my personal life. Rather the opposite. It's a solid gray mass: sadness sticks to my fingers, there's a chill in the air, and people around me walk through me like I'm made of glass. Indifference.

Mom looks at me more and more often with concern. He says it's time to see a therapist. because the voices in my head are no longer just jokes. It's scary for her. For me... I don't know yet. There is one advantage: now I go out more often than before. I'm breathing. I'm walking.

at school, everything suddenly fell into place, grades go with the flow, tests are passed, and homework disappeared like a dream. We don't study much, we're just living out our last days.

walking with friends is loud and funny. By inertia. Because, to be honest, there's only one vacuum inside. Those vivid, goosebumps-like emotions that used to make my head spin are no longer there. Or they hid very deep.

I often get a strange chill. The sun can be hot outside the window, but I'm standing under it and I'm freezing anyway. It's like winter has settled inside.

And also longing. The people who were my anchor, my warmth, are packing their bags. They're leaving our city. And when I think about it, something just breaks inside. I want to cry into my pillow. Because I can't imagine days without them. They are that very meaning, you know? That spark you wake up to.

Yes, there are other guys nearby. But that's not it. Next to them, I don't feel completely at home. And with those who are dear to me... I can be anything. Present. I can be silent today and stare at one point, and tomorrow I can laugh and talk nonsense. I don't need to be fixed next to them. They accept me as broken.